Super Happy Terrific Products: The Electronic Yodelling Pickle

Yes, I'm serious. The Electronic Yodelling Pickle is a real thing and the name totally sums it up.


It can be yours for $12.95 from Merch-Bot.com

I know a certain pickle-hating Brit who may find this little gem under her pillow one night.

One Born Every Minute

I think I just got suckered in my own house. A traveling salesman came to the door. Having lived in apartments for the past - hmm, I don't even know how long, since college - I just assumed that door-to-door salesman went the way of Doctors recommending their patients smoke Camel cigarettes. Well, it seems the age-old practice is alive and kicking up here in the Berkshires. A modern day Gypsy (sorry Kelly) just came to my door selling steaks and I bought some! I have no idea what I was looking at but this fella seemed pretty impressed by his goods and tried to sell me a whole box for $300. In the end, I took 12 strip steaks (NY & Kansas City) for $50. I don't know my strip steaks from my strip clubs so can anyone out there tell me if this was a good deal or not?

Brawndo! It's Got What Plants Crave

In what will undoubtedly play out in some sort of self-fulfilling prophecy of doom, Mike Judge (Idiocracy) has given the licensing rights to a company to produce BRAWNDO, The Thirst Mutilator energy drink!


In addition to all the electrolytes, BRAWNDO is loaded with 200mg of caffeine per can plus Taurine, Inositol, Guarana, Potassium, and Vitamins B6, B12, and C.

Available by the case (24 - 16oz cans) from ThinkGeek for $39.99.

The Real Awful World

I'm not sure if you are watching the Real World Sydney but if you aren't, let me tell you what you are missing - the worst season of The Real World in as long as I can remember.

I've never seen a more wretched group of roommates on this show before. And surprise surprise, the most horrible person of all is the outspoken Christian. Every one of these assholes has more issues than a 22 minute program can display in one week and unfortunately, non of these issues are entertaining to watch. I can't imagine how hard the editors of this season are working to try and package this crap as something worth watching.

Despite the amount of time I've already wasted watching, I don't think I'll bother finishing the season. Why am I telling you all this? It's to save you from making the same mistake that I made - tuning in to the Real World Sydney.

You Can't Take It With You

To be fair, I don't know a lot about Leona Helmsley. It is possible that she got an undeserved bad rap but I doubt that she achieved the universally recognized moniker, "The Queen of Mean" because of her charitable contributions and sunny demeanor. Whatever she was when alive, her decaying corpse will be spending eternity like a Roman empress in lavish afterlife opulence.

Helmsley will be entombed in a $1.4 million mausoleum in Sleepy Hollow Cemetery. The 1,300-square foot granite mausoleum features a dozen Doric columns and stained glass windows that recreate the Manhattan skyline.

1,300-square feet!? You could fit my entire apartment, which by NYC standards is a good size, in that crypt and still have room for a cemetery's worth of corpses. What a waste of money, resources and land.

Must Have Slipped My Mind

Oh man! I had such a great idea for a pot today, a story that Salinger would be envious of, but after waking and baking, it totally slipped my mind.

This story has something to do with my teenage years, when me and a group of friends at San Rafael High School in San Rafael, California, used to get together every day after school and smoke marijuana under the Louis Pasteur statue. We even had a name for our group, we were "The Waldos"! Man, I wish I could remember that story.

The only thing I can remember is how once me and the Waldos took a road trip to Ontario for a festival or something and on the way we had an adventure with Captain Cannabis and Method Man. Maybe we were going to a Phish show or something. Oh well, I gotta go "mow the grass". I promise I'll tell you that story as soon as I remember it.

Tax Day Resolutions

I resolve next year to NOT wait until the last possible day to mail my taxes. There's now way I'm going to be stuck in line with the rest of those procrastinating slackers again.

I swear, this year was the last time you will find me at the post office within hours of that dreaded deadline. Next year, I'm going to begin organizing my receipts and paper work on January 1, and meet with Rita as soon as I receive all my forms.

Hmm, this resolution sounds familiar. Oh yeah, I made the same one on April 15th of 2006. Shit!

Grap A Cup Of Joe

Good morning gang! I thought I would start the day off with a little coffee talk, literally. Check out this limited edition (only 1,000 handmade) Lamborghini coffeemaker.



And it can be yours, as long as you are one of the first 1,000 idiots to act, for the low low cost of just $1,750! At those bargain prices why not buy two just to to piss off one of the other 999 fools out there.

What Will They Think of Next?

I'd pay money to see some tool walking down the street with these things on their head. As if the appearance isn't ridiculous enough, everyone would be able to read what you are listening to.