I'm Still Ready For The Summer!

After a week of fun and sun at the beach we return to our drab and bleak existences, with nothing to look forward to until Christmas. Yes, I know I'm being a little dramatic but vacation was a blast! Thanks Kitty for keeping an eye on things around here, I love that Nubbin story. And thanks for watching the cats. They said they had a lot of fun with you and I noticed that none of their chores were done so I imagine you let them get away with a lot more than we do.

Now that vacation is over, I'm making a conscious effort to keep summer-vacation Jeff (or "Snack" as I somehow became known over the week) alive and kicking. With just a few simple life changes, I plan to bring the holiday home and so can you! Following are a few of my ideas and I hope you add your own in the comments section.

1. Drink more beer and drink it more frequently.
At home I normally opt for vodka because I've convinced myself it has less calories and fat than beer. On vacation, I only drink vodka for breakfast before cracking open my first cold one. For now on, I choose to limit my vodka consumption to Bloody Marys (which should never be drank after the sun sets) and go with beer at all other times.

2. Eat more junk food.
So what if its compressed into a can, it's still cheese isn't it?

3. Wear shorts and flip-flops to work.
I don't want to get anyone into trouble with this one so check with your human resource department first. If you are anything like me and are grossed out by your feet being so exposed on the subway, then do what I'm doing and wear Vans to work and keep a pair of flip-flops at the office to change into. It's sort of like Mr. Rodgers meets Jeff Spicoli.

4. Shower less.
A little sunscreen can go a long way in fighting body odor and it will help you fight the sun's harmful cancer light. So rather than jumping in the shower every morning, just slab a little Coppertone on.

5. Install an outdoor shower on your terrace or roof.
Lets face it, your are going to have to take the occasional shower and nothing says vacation like showering outdoors. If you don't have a terrace or roof access, try a fire escape and hose attached to the kitchen sink.

6. Get but naked!.
Whether you believe in evolution or creationism pull your head out of your ass clothing is man made. So why conform to man's restrictions? If you are a little trepidatious about this one, take baby steps by skinny dipping. Then you can move on to skinny hot-tubbing, streaking on the beach and eventually you will be skinny rocking-chairing.

That's about all I can think of right now so I hope you can help add to this list.

It Must Be Friday For Me To Feel This Bad

One of those old rat-pack crooners, Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin or maybe Shirley McClain, once said that they feel sorry for anyone that doesn't wake up with a hangover because that's the best they can expect to feel all day. I can't think of a clever way to tie that into this post but those are words I like to think about on hungover mornings such as this one.

As if the throbbing headache, physical and mental exhaustion weren't reason enough to stay in bed this morning, I should have instantly returned there when I switched on the teli and was greeted by this dire prediction.

Of course, I didn't bother to turn up the volume or even keep that channel on because I figured, if we really were on the eve of Armageddon they probably wouldn't have the
weather lady covering the story.

There are a lot of people I have to thank for today's hangover, starting with the inventors of vodka. Only a gifted genius could figure out how to get drunk off a potato. Next, the brewers of that beer I was drinking after responsibly deciding that I had had enough vodka. I still don't remember your name beer but it had something to do with a tiger. Of course none of the drinks would have been served (except for the ones I had at home before and after going out) without the help of the ridiculously unpleasant lady tending bar at Barcade last night. Lighten up sweetie, you'll never catch a man with that sour puss. Many thanks go out to Adam, Kelly, Cyndi and Seth. Guys, if it weren't for you I would have been drinking alone.* And finally, my deepest thanks to Seth's mom. If she hadn't given birth to baby Seth on April 18th, none of us would have had such a great excuse for getting drunk on a Wednesday.

In parting, I'd like to accept this hangover on behalf of the Gowanus whale. Your camporing and cavorting won New York's hart but ultimately, New York's shit would stop yours from beating.

Gowanus whale, April 17 - April 19, 2007. R.I.P.



*Not that there is anything wrong with drinking alone.