Saturday, March 31, 2007

My New Favorite Bar - Update

When I stake my claim on a new favorite bar I mean it. Friday night found my ass in the same booth at Union Hall that I spent Wednesday night in. The friday night crowd was completely different then the Wednesday crowd and by different I mean a bunch of loud assholes.

Somebody actually had the rediculous sense to bring their kids to the bar. I know, I know, having children doesn't mean ending your social life but give me a break, it was Friday night! And these kids weren't infants strapped into chairs or strollers. I would have no problem with infants as long as they weren't seated near me crying. Now that bars are smoke-free environments I see no reason not to take babys to a bar, unless its a place like Siberia or The Cock. But these kids were kids - running, shouting, tantrum-throwing kids. They spent most of the night throwing the bocci balls and disrupting the adjoining court's game.

Aside from the kids, there seemed to be a large B&T contingency, which is never a good thing, and a large group was holding some sort of awards ceremony in the rear of the bar. Despite all that, I still had a great time and resolve to continue my plight to be a fixture at Union Hall.

Friday, March 30, 2007


Thank you lioux for this video.

Overheard In Old New York

Lady #1: "I better go change my clothes, I can't go on a subway dressed like this."
Lady #2: "Well if I can go like this, you certainly can go like that!"
Lady #1: "In my blue jeans!? I have never ridden on a subway in my blue jeans and I'm not going to start now!"

The Ricardo's apartment on I Love Lucy

Chocolate Jesus

Local catholic groups have no sweet tooth for a life-sized, anatomically correct sculpture of Jesus made entirely out of chocolate and scheduled to go on display at an East Side gallery at the Roger Smith Hotel.

The artist, Cosimo Cavallaro, calls his sculpture of Jesus on the cross - "My Sweet Lord," and he's inviting people to have a taste of it before it's taken down on Easter Sunday. An offended catholic group's spokesperson calls the sculpture a cheap publicity stunt.

This is the first I have heard of this sculpture and if it wasn't for the offended catholic groups vocal protests, I probably never would have known it existed. When will these people learn that If they really want to stop publicity stunts that they find offensive they should keep quiet and not create more publicity than the actual item itself. The same thing happened in 1999, when offended catholic groups created a huge buzz around the painting of the Virgin Mary done in elephant shit.

Now that I know about it, I have to see this sculpture for myself. Thank you offended catholic groups for spreading the word.

Thursday, March 29, 2007

What Will They Think of Next?

This shiny little box is a condom dispenser. Sleek and stylish enough to sit on your nightstand and guaranteed to end those clumsy drawer fumblings. All for the low, low price of just $35.

R2-D2 Where Are You?

I just found one of those R2-D2 mailboxes in Times Square.

FYI, the USPS just announced new commemorative Star Wars stamps and they are letting us vote for which one should be its own sheet (whatever that means?). You can vote now at

I have way too many columns about R2-D2 on my blog.

My New Favorite Bar

Let me start by saying that in no way am I claiming to be on the ground floor of discovering my new favorite bar. Judging by the crowd there last night, it has obviously been open for a while and already the favorite watering hole of many Brooklynites.

The bar is called Union Hall, on Union street in Park Slope. Just walking in, I knew I would love it by the way it was decorated like a cozy den or study. I've always dreamed of having a room like this in my house and if I ever own a house, will definitely make that dream come true. Despite the cozy atmosphere, the bar is large enough to sport two bocce ball courts in the back.

The menu offers a good selection of beer on tap, bottled, and even in cans (Seth was excited about the cans of PBR). The food is a step above the average bar menu (by average bar menu I mean wings and baskets of fries) but not as pretentious as tapas.

Another important prerequisite for favorite bars of mine are the bathrooms and again Union Hall scored high in this department. There's a large communal sink room with a good amount of private toilet rooms located on the basement level. Kelly, my drinking buddy and avid smoker, was pleased with the side patio area that allowed her to smoke without feeling the shame of standing out on the sidewalk.

The cost, in my opinion, is low for NYC. There were three of us, until Seth left for work, and we had several rounds of drinks (at least 6) and plates of food and the bill was still under $100.

All in all, I couldn't be happier with my new favorite bar and best of all, its a relatively short stumble from home. Who's up for happy hour today?

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Rock-o-Matic: Final Four

This week I'm posting the top four songs (by listen count) from my iTunes. And I'm curious what your top four songs are. Jeff, has the Mae West song made it to #1 yet? More importantly this weekend is the Final Four. I was done once North Carolina lost. Stupid Tar Heels. It was also my yearly reminder why I shouldn't gamble.

I would have done a Top 5 but the fifth song is DRM protected so I can't share it. Damn you copyright technology!!


Fischerspooner - A Kick in the Teeth
Thom Yorke - Harrowdown Hill
Pulp - Babies
Ladytron - Destroy Everything You Touch

Finally! A News Site That I Can Trust

The only newspaper that I have read in the past 10 years, The Onion, has just announced a new online video newscast, Onion News Network, or ONN. It's just like the newspaper but with video!

My New Profile Pic.

I've been meaning to add a profile picture to my blog for a while. I have one in mind that involves the Trouble Bubble but will require some photoshopping. Since I'm too lazy, I mean busy, to do the photoshop work, I've decided to use random and frequently updated pictures.

The first is a picture of me and a Stormtrooper. I'm not going to explain the story behind this one but instead will leave it up to your imaginations and/or comments.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

My Inner Geek

The Bluetooth Laser Virtual Keyboard is a Bluetooth enabled virtual keyboard and quite possibly, the coolest computer accessory on the market. This device projects a keyboard on any flat surface, which you can then type on just like the old-fashioned 3D version. This virtual keyboard features an added reality aspect as it produces simulated key click sounds. The Virtual Keyboard is compatible with most Bluetooth enabled devices such as PDAs and mobile phones and is available now at for $180.

Why I Don't Go Out to The Movies

I finally saw 300 last night. I won't bother discussing the movie because I imagine by now you've either seen it or have read about it on a dozen other blogs. All I will say about the film is that I enjoyed it but was underwhelmed.

The reason I waited so long to see it is because I hate going to the movies. Don't get me wrong, I love movies I just can't stand dealing with the crowds at movie theaters. I don't mean that to come across in some freaky, misanthropic way, its just that the crowds themselves are usually dominated by rude, loud, jackasses who end up ruining the movie for me.

Even though we waited three weeks to see 300, the 6:30 show at the Imax theater was still packed. While watching the tepid interchanges between seat seekers and those who felt that their coats and bags deserved their own seats, I got to thinking that there are generally two types of New Yorkers. On the one side there are people who realize that we all live, work and play in this city together. That doesn't mean you have to like everyone but simply treat each other with a little common decency.

And at the other end of the spectrum, you have people who act as if they are completely oblivious to the fact that they live in a crowded city. These are the people who carry giant, golf-course sized umbrellas on the streets when it rains or instantly push onto a crowded train when the doors open rather than stepping aside and letting the passengers exit first. You can often find these people stopping directly at the top of escalators and stairwells even when their are crowds behind and trying to get someplace and they are also likely to push the "door close" button when they enter elevators and see another person heading for it. The worst examples of this type can be found at the movie theater. They bring infants and small children to horror movies and take mobile phone calls during the movie. I was at a movie a few years ago when a man took several calls and never once left the theater or lowered his voice but chatted away as if he was in his living room. He then had the added nerve to get angry at the other people in the theater for asking him to be quiet.

I figured out last night that whenever Seth & I go to a movie, we are spending at least $40 and that's if we just grab a slice of pizza rather than full dinner. There are at least 10 movies coming out this year that I want to see, which means about $400 we will spending. I decided last night to take that money and use it for a good home surround sound system to go with our large screen TV. That'll show those loud-mouthed bastards at the theater!

Monday, March 26, 2007

Funniest Headline of the Day

I read two headlines today that really made me laugh.

The runner up is:
"Ian Thorpe Is Still Not Gay". I guess the author expects that to change some day.

The wining headline is:
"Woman Hospitalized After Eating Single Bite Of Tainted Dog Food". Apparently this woman was trying to get her dog to eat his food so she took a bite not knowing she had a batch of that contaminated pet food. I know, that description doesn't sound as funny as the headline but don't worry, the lady is fine now. The actual story reprinted on The Consumerist is worth a read, check out the woman's syptoms.

More Monday Morning Grumblings

I forgot to mention in my earlier post that in addition to fighting a cold all weekend, we also couldn't flush the toilet. At some point Saturday evening something exploded/ruptured/broke in the basement of my building shutting off all cold water to the apartments. Apparently this is the water that goes to the toilet and as a result, we couldn't flush it. The good news is that my cold diminished my appetite so I wasn't eating much and Seth had to work Saturday night so got by until the toilet came back online Sunday afternoon. Now I'm hoping this cold lingers a few more days so I can shave off a few pounds in time for bathing suit season.

Monday Morning Grumblings

The slight tickle I had in my throat last Thursday blossomed into a full blown sore throat Friday morning. By that evening, I had a lovely cough as well and decided to stay home and self-medicate myself with plenty of vitamin C. Taking a tip from Mr. Boston, I determined the best source of Vitamin C is the Scewdriver. I guess I didn't get to the medicine early enough (I should have started at breakfast) because Saturday I woke up coughing and sneezing and now had a headache to add to the mix.

I had to admit defeat and cancel my plans Saturday night with Jen and Rita, (Editors note: Jen won't read my blogs entries when there are too many words so I know by adding her name and picture here she will have to actually read to make sure I'm not making fun of her).

My cold was even worse by Sunday and I'm still not feeling 100% better. Fortunately, my discomfort can benefit you as I had a chance to watch a lot of movies over the weekend and can recommend three great films.

The first is 'For Your Consideration'. The latest goof-ball fest from the Guthman gang leaves the traditional mockumentary format behind and tells an actual story of life on and off the set of a little movie with big potential. While nothing could be as funny as Guffman, in my opinion, Consideration is much better than 'A Mighty Wind' and very close to 'Best In Show'.

Next we watched the latest 007 flick, 'Casino Royale'. I'm sure everyone has their own favorite Bond movie. I've always been partial to 'A View To A Kill' but that might be because it was the first Bond movie I saw in a theater or because it starred Grace Jones and Duran Duran did the song. Anyway, sentimentality aside, 'Casino Royale' might be the best Bond to date. Daniel Craig is a great Bond choice and the movie was much more of a suspenseful action thriller with a good story rather than the goofy gimmicky last Brosnan film.

Finally, we watched 'Blood Diamond'. We were torn between 'The Departed' and Blood but decided we'd rather watch Leonardo DiCaprio shoot people in Africa over America. Plus the movie's description of people on an adventure to find a diamond reminded me of 'The Great Muppet Caper.' While their were no muppets or celebrity cameos, 'Blood Diamond' was a great, eye-opening film that made me promise to never buy a diamond. I guess I'll just have to give up my dreams of a diamond encrusted Wii Remote.

Friday, March 23, 2007


The Mospeng-kun is a tissue-dispensing robot. That's it.
I've decided to no longer use the expression, "They can put a man on the moon but they can't enter societal shortcoming here". For no on, I'll be saying, "They can build a robot to dispense tissues but they cant' ..."

Please Stay in Manhattan

I lived in a cramped, moldy apartment in Manhattan for years. It was the only New York City I knew and where I intended to stay. Aside from a few drunken expeditions to Brooklyn, I knew nothing of this borough over the bridge. Unfortunately, like most New Yorkers who aren't wealthy Europeans, trust-fund kids, or living in the same apartment their grandmother grew up in, the lure of less rent and much more space eventually called to me and I packed up and crossed over the bridge to Brooklyn.

From the first day of my new New York City (Brooklyn is still part of NYC) life to today I've been saying I can't believe I didn't make that move sooner. As both my job and social life have remained in Manhattan, Brooklyn has become the peaceful escape, fortress of solitude, and calgon-filed bathtub that takes me away from the insanity of the city.

But now I'm finding more of my social life is moving to Brooklyn also. I have more friends in Brooklyn than Manhattan and I don't mean new friends that I've made here but established friends that happen to be living here. Unfortunately, they don't all live in Park Slope like I do. I've got Kitty here in my hood, which is great because we both love video games and the same pub, and one other friend farther up the road but everyone else is scattered across neighborhoods from Williamsburg to Cobble Hill. And this is where I've discovered the problem with Brooklyn - traveling within Brooklyn is a pain in the ass.

Getting a cab in Brooklyn is iffy so if I want to go to Williamsburg, I have to take the train into Manhattan and switch at Union Square. Sure I can walk to Cobble Hill but the 45 minute walk takes me through some 70's style projects and you never know which road may suddenly end at a canal. Last night, when traveling home via the F train from Monkey Daemon's pad in Boerum Hill, I made the mistake of getting on the wrong train and have no idea where I ended up but knew, judging from the subway station that I did not want to go to the street.

So for my own convenience, I implore my few remaining friends in Manhattan to stay there! Its so much easier traveling to and from Manhattan then it is around Brooklyn so just stay put. I'll come to you.

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Love It or Hate It?

I don't know what to make of these Reef flip-flops (pictured). While the idea of always having a couple shots of emergency whisky at the beach is comforting, the idea of drinking anything that comes from footwear is repulsive.

Fashion Alert!

I can think of a few people who could use the Gadget Holster (pictured), myself included. Make no mistake though, wearing something like this is no different than strapping a fanny pack or bum bag to your waist.

My Fall Line-Up

Judging by the success of the TV show, 'Dancing With the Stars', Americans have an insatiable lust for watching celebrities makes fools of themselves on television and there is no end to the number of B,C, and D-list celebrities willing to do just that.

So lets stop beating around the bush and just cut to the chase. Following are a few concepts I have that fall under the banner of Laughing At The Stars. Its sort of like Must See TV, that you will really want to see.

Rehabbing With The Stars:
The cameras are rolling as 50 of your favorite celebrity junkies enter the Pity Me Pines rehab clinic. Each week, these junkies will be pitted against each other and their vices in a battle of will, strength and determination as they fight for the ultimate title of "Rehabilitated Celebrity".

Celebrity Eat Club:
25 of today's most emaciated anorexic stars are forced to spend 30 days on a ranch where they will have to eat three square meals a day plus snacks in between. Whoever doesn't clean there plate will face "The Injector"! An I.V. drip of pure reclaimed fat.

This Is Your Life Closeted Celebrity:
Each week, one of today's biggest closeted celebrities joins us in studio for a look at their life through the eyes of people from their past. What they don't know, is that we have secretly switched their friends, family and lackeys with the trannies, male prostitutes and gay bar pick-ups that they don't want you to know about.

Vehicular Manslaughter With The Stars:
From Mathew Broderick to Halle Berry, after million dollar Oscar goodies bags and the freedom to insult entire races of people without getting beat up for it, killing people with a car and not going to jail is the best perk of being a celebrity. Each week, one lucky viewer will be strapped into the passenger seat of one of today's most reckless celebrities as they hit the roads in search of their next prey.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Rock-O-Matic: Kitschy Catchy

I admit. I have a lot of weird shit on my iPod. That's mostly a result of my careless downloading and is not a sign of my eclectic taste in music. This week, I share some of the kitschy things floating around my iPod. For the most part, these are truly horrible and I recommend deleting after your first listen. I used to have the first song on vinyl.
- Josh

Cookie Monster - Lost Me Cookie at the Disco

Mae West - Treat Him Right

Yorick - Flight

Bob Jackson - Small Assassin

Eight Bit - Mario III

The Evening News Doesn't Really Care if Your Pet Dies

For the past few days Seth & I have overheard those "tune in tonight for the full story" news commercials mention something about a pet food recall. Despite the fact that neither of us watch any of those evening "news" programs we thought we should actually tune in since we, and just about everyone we know, has a dog or cat.

Even with our skilfully mastered DVR fast forwarding abilities, we never actually saw the story. As a result, we took away all our cats' food and they have been starving all week, they needed to slim down a little anyway. Fortunately I just found a web site with a full list of the recalled pet foods. If you have a pet, you might want to check it out.

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Here Come The Pictures Part 4

This is the 4th and final column of pictures from my sister and Kevin's wedding weekend. If you are reading this one first, you might want to scroll down and read Part 1 then work your way up so the pictures are in order.

I thought I took a lot of pictures at the day after brunch but I guess I'm wrong. Considering the amount of alchohol in my system by that point, that might have been a grilled cheese sandwich I was holding to my face and telling everyone to smile for it!

Here Come The Pictures Part 3

Ok, here comes the good stuff - the wedding reception. I'm going to go out on a limb and assume you have been to a wedding reception before so there should be no explanation required for these pictures.

A little but of background info worth mentioning is that many of the people in these pictures are of Irish American decent, celebrating a wedding on St. Patrick's day. Not that my family ever needs an excuse to drink (it's a past-time we all enjoy) but the only way this party could have gotten any bigger was if it St. Patrick's day fell on New Years eve this year.

Here Come The Pictures Part 2

This is part two of pictures from the wedding. Scroll down for part one. These pictures were taken at the church after the wedding. I was in the wedding so I couldn't take any pictures during the ceremony.

Check back soon for pictures from the reception.

Here Come The Pictures Part 1

I just got back from my sister Maureen's wedding. It was an amazing three day long party, where we all had a blast. I decided rather than go into lengthy recaps, I would just post a bunch of images in three entries (one for each day).

So, here are pictures from the rehearsal and rehearsal party (to call it a rehearsal dinner wouldn't come close to describing this event.).

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Rock-O- Matic: Amazing Race Edition

Today, Rock-O-Matic focuses on something very dear to Jeff's heart. No not Seth or those cats. It's the Amazing Race. Now in its 7th or 10th season, the Amazing Race is the thinking man's reality show. And it's my second favorite show after My Super Sweet Sixteen. The music selection for this week. therefore, focuses on foreign lands. Actually, just Japan and Europe. I had one song about Brazil and one about Africa, but neither were very good. So this is the selection for this week. And may your races always be amazing.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Pissed-Off Genius At Work

After a delicious meal and a few pints with a friend (Kitty) at our favorite neighborhood pub, Seth and I returned home for a limonchello and to watch Fox's Sunday night line-up. We began with the Simpsons, briefly described on the guide channel as "Grandpa moves in with Selma". How hilarious does that sound?! We planned to follow the Simpsons with Family Guy - "Peter helps Bill Clinton fix a flat tire . . ." and then probably American Dad. Can you imagine a better evening of viewing pleasure?

Well apparently the douche bags at Fox didn't think this line-up was enough and decided to air a NASCAR race just before prime time. For whatever reason - maybe there was a bad crash, maybe a fan was injured by a stray tire, maybe one of the drivers decided to marry his cousin at the end of the race - the broadcast went long and threw off the timing for the rest of the evening's programs. There's no point in watching the Simpsons if the last 10 minutes are cut off!

I understand that this NASCAR thing has a few fans and they should be able to watch their race on TV when they want. Personally, the idea of watching a race on TV rather than actually being there sounds about as fun as watching Jay Leno but that's my opinion. But what I don't get is why this sporting event, or the football games that push back The Amazing Race or the basketball madness about to start forcing Survivor to go on hiatus, has to be shown on one of the networks. Isn't that why we have cable? Aren't there 25 ESPN channels and entire channels dedicated to individual baseball teams?

With the potential for 1000s of channels, NASCAR should have its own channel and so should all the other sports. Let the networks and their parent studios focus on their own properties. Its time TV stops following a system created in the 1970's and gets with the current millennium.

Jenni B Update

Our own Jenni B is in Singapore this week for a final round of meetings to determine if she wants to accept a position that will have her moving to Singapore. While wishing her the best (to her face) in all honesty I hope she hates it and stays in New York.

I'm sure everyone is just as eager as me to know what's happening with Jen in Singapore right now. Fortunately for us all, I've got a transcript from a meeting she had with the Singapore boss today.

Here is an exert:

BOSS: "So Jennifer today you will be interfacing with Edwin Cheo from the Hennis Wee Group and teleconferencing with the president of China to discuss the QED report followed by blah blah blah".

JEN: "Uh huh, got it, sure" (but thinking: "what am I going to have for lunch?")

Monday, March 12, 2007

This Week's Poll

I've been posting a weekly poll on theToyGuy blog so figured I would give you the poll question here and provide a link to theToyGuy to answer it, if you feel like of course.

This week's question is It's down to the final 12 on American Idol this week. Will you be watching?

Click here to answer!

I Just Heard

I just heard that my buddy, Regis Philbin, is having heart surgery this week. Good luck Reg! We're all pulling for you!

One Hell of a Donut

This is a still image of a recent August Georgia, NBC affiliate news program.

The story is on some new wheat donut. A ground-breaking "news" story no doubt. Well, in some Anchor Man style shenanigans, it looks like a disgruntled A/V crew member managed to slip the on-screen graphic past everyone.

Click on the image and look closely at the text following the words "So Good . . ."


Monday Morning Grumblings

Before I begin complaining, after all that's what Mondays are for, I want to add that I saw the entire episode of The Amazing Race last night. No DVR glitches, no sporting events that pushed the prime time schedule back, and surprisingly, no Daylight Savings Time change difficulties, at least not for my TV. Me, however, that's a different story.

Who the hell decided to change when we set the clocks back? It isn't even spring yet and as everyone knows, the saying goes "Spring ahead, fall back". Well how are we expected to remember what to do now? "A little more than a week before Spring ahead, fall back," just doesn't have the same catchy wring to it.

Anyway, there is only one clock in our apartment so we rely on the TV and mobile phones for the time. Apparently TV and phones got the memo about the new time change but they neglected to mention it to our clock. This clock happens to be my alarm clock and I'm pretty sure that it automatically changes its time when we spring ahead and fall back. At least, I don't recall ever doing it myself and the time was correct Saturday morning. So I went to bed last night assuming the time on the alarm clock was correct. Guess what? It wasn't.

It was 9:40 by the time I got to work so I guess technically for me it was actually 8:40, which means I was really early. I think I'll join the rest of the country's time around lunch and then leave a little early since I was here at 8:40.

Friday, March 09, 2007

The Headline Says it All

Woman Allegedly Lived With Dead Roommate

Click here to read the story that accompanies this headline.

Thursday, March 08, 2007

Finally, Science Pulls its Weight

Genteel Geoff Says

Modern life is fraught with social dilemmas and quandaries. Today we are faced with more vexing questions than simply when is it appropriate to wear white and what fork do I eat my salad with. To help you navigate politely through life's perplexing problems, we have enlisted the help of mannerly polite-ician, Genteel Geoff, to answer your questions. If you have a question for Genteel Geoff, email him at

Hi Genteel Geoff,

Nasty children like to walk through our yard as a “short cut” to school. We put up a fence and now they walk around it and there’s a path where the grass has been worn down. What can I do to keep those sod-destroying parasites off my lawn?

Thanks much,
West Chester

Dear Jessica,

A great man once said, "I believe that children are the future but today belongs to us!" Have you tried meeting the little urchins as they plod across your grounds and politely ask them to stop cutting corners? This may be highly effective if you live in an area populated by children from the 1950's or who may be mentally challenged. Otherwise, try meeting the parasites with a riffle in hand when you have your little tete-a-tete.

If appealing directly to the snot-factories fails, your next option would be to establish the area as a bete noir by strategically placing a hornet's nest, large amount of rat poison, or rotten eggs amidst the area in question.

Above all else, keep your composure and dignity, and rest easy in the knowledge that most of those children will be in jail or on the front lines soon enough. Remember Jessica, manners are the glue that holds society together.

Genteel Geoff

Rock-o-Matic: Fruit

That was real cool that you saw Anderson Cooper, Jeff. However, last night, as I was enjoying some tasty pizza at Mario Batali's Mozza, who should be seated at the table next to me? That's right. It was the Amazing Race's Phil! It was amazing. He looks younger and more normal in person - not as serious. We overheard him telling some of his dinnermates that he's writing a book. No mentions of Rob & Amber. Sorry about your DVR.

Now, for this week's selection of muzak I was inspired by a great new mashup I downloaded from another web blog. I hear it involves the Wiggles.

Gameboy/Gamegirl - Fruitsalad (Healthy Boys Delight)

And then some other fruity related songs. Naturally, a Smashing Pumpkins song:

Smashing Pumpkins - Cherry

And of course a song from the Apples in Stereo, which just barely beat out ABBA's Chiquitta for my third pick.

Apples in Stereo - The Bird That You Can't See

I didn't have as many fruit related songs as I thought. Hope you enjoy.

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Genteel Geoff Says

Modern life is fraught with social dilemmas and quandaries. Today we are faced with more vexing questions than simply when is it appropriate to wear white and what fork do I eat my salad with. To help you navigate politely through life's perplexing problems, we have enlisted the help of mannerly polite-ician, Genteel Geoff, to answer your questions. If you have a question for Genteel Geoff, email him at

Dear Genteel Geoff,

I like to finish my cell phone calls on the steps leading into the subway. Is this wrong?

Astoria Terrace

Dear F.A.T.,

Whether you are referring to the underground transit system or hoi polloi "hoagie" shop, the answer is the same - you are an ill-mannered clod and the turd clogging the pipes of progress. Those stairwells are designed with just enough room for two columns of average sized strap-hangers to politely pass one another. One column enters the station while the other exits. When a dunderhead such as yourself galumphs along the stair and comes to a stop in order to finish your undoubtedly trivial chat, the entire enter-and-exit system is thrown off.

In the future, kindly finish your mobile conversation on the sidewalk, taking care to stand clear of the steps entirely. Remember F.A.T., manners are the glue that holds society together.

Genteel Geoff

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

The American Dream

I joined the people in my office in buying a bunch of lottery tickets for tonight's super duper prize. I feel so blue collar.

How Cool Are These

Old school Atari Joy-stick coat hangers.

My Favorite Web Site of the Week

The perfect site for people who don't like a lot of words (I'm talking to you Jen).

Monday, March 05, 2007

Flat Panel TVs Are So 2006

For anyone looking to upgrade their home theater system (hint, hint Adam), check out this video of the Heliodisplay.

Bizarre Weather in Midtown

Either its snowing or Edward Scissorhands is creating elaborate ice sculpture on the roof of my office building. What makes this sudden snow so strange is that the sun is out in all it's glory. Its so bright that I was turning to close my blinds when I noticed the snow. I wish I had me camera to capture this.

UPDATE: I think it was Edward Scissorhands on the roof because by the time I published my original post, the snow was done.

This is Turning in to One Hell of a Week

First, due to some technical glitch with my DVR, I didn't get last night's Amazing Race recorded. This is the one show above all others that I must see every week. Of the three episodes that have aired so far this season, I have seen just one! To make things worse, CBS offers full episodes online of many of their shows but for Amazing Race they just have unseen clips.

Next, after running my fat ass up to Nintendo World this morning, I found out that Mario Party 8 has been delayed with no new date announced. For anyone that doesn't know, Nintendo World is a real store in Rockefeller Plaza and not a fantasy land existing in my mind.

Thank gods I still have Survivor to look forward to and Justice League for PS2.

Saturday, March 03, 2007

Verizon Finds New Ways To Suck

I've written several posts sharing my personal Verizon disaster stories. I write these posts to both release my own frustrations but also to make others aware of what a terrible company Verizon is. Hopefully you might remember all the problems I've had with Verizon the next time you find yourself with a choice between Verizon and another company.

Fortunately, the latest Verizon sucks story doesn't affect me since I'm no longer a Verizon victum, oops, I mean customer.

According to an article on The Consumerist, Verizon is adding a new lengthy greeting to its voice mail that all customers will have to listen when checking their messages. This is more than just annoying, it means Verizon customers will using more of their minutes every time they check their messages.

Friday, March 02, 2007

And Another One

Speaking of blogs from people I know and don't know (see post below), I just discovered . Barney Stinson's blog.

Barney is a character on CBS's How I Met Your Mother, one of the funniest sitcoms on TV, which isn't saying much because most sitcoms suck. But this one is really funny and if you don't believe me, ask Jen.

Welcome to the Blogo-sphere

The only thing I enjoy more than reading blogs from people I don't know, is reading blogs from people I do know.

Check out Pearly Snaps, written by Chris (pictured), a pal from the office with an awful lot of good stories to tell. Like the one he told me yesterday about the hasidic man molesting dogs in Williamsburg.

Service With A Sneer

I've learned to stop hoping that I might get friendly, polite or even decent service at the Key Foods supermarket on 7th Avenue in Park Slope. Sometimes I'm just happy to make my purchases and get out of there without getting jumped by the late night crew.

To be fare, I don't mind that the checkout people don't bother with the fake niceties. I don't want to talk to them anymore than they don't want to talk to me. In fact, that's one of the benefits of living in New York City. You can make it through an entire day without ever making small talk with service industry people. My 14-days-until-he-is-my-brother-in-law, Kevin, would hate that but I love it.

On a recent trip to Key Food I was treated to an entirely new level of rudeness when after completing the checkout process I said thank you (not expecting any sort of reply) and the checkout girl, without glancing away from her sidekick, responded "no problem".

In my pseudo-Post polite world, the only time you reply "no problem" is when you have done someone a favor and they thank you for it. Did the checkout girl mean to imply that she just did me some sort of favor?

The checkout people at any supermarket are the spokespeople for the market itself. Is it Key Food's policy that they are doing me a favor by allowing me to shop there? Because guess what? I can go to the Dagostino up the road. Wait a minute, that's 7 blocks up the road. Do I really want to walk 7 blocks for cheese and relish? Damn Key Food! They have won this round. But we will see who is laughing last when the gentrification steamroller flattens that ugly 70's era building and replaces it with an overpriced Whole Foods.