The Most Important Petition You Have Ever Been Asked To Sign

Did you know that St. Patrick's Day is not an official holiday? Well the forward thinking folks at Guinness are working hard to change that. Proposition 3-17 will establish everyone's favorite drinking day as an official holiday but they need our help. In order to present the petition to Congress, Guinness needs 1 million signatures by midnight on March 16th. So let's help them out. Sign the petition online or text "SIGN" to 65579.

If we all work together, we can make sure that banks and the post office will be closed on March 17.

Super Happy Terrific Products

Judging by the picture this Mac-Tap is just a trade show gimmick but it's still nice to dream. I guess if you are handy and have an old Mac, you could make one of these yourself but that sounds like an awful lot of trouble for something you are going to quickly have to dispose of.

Weekend Recap

I feel like I crammed an entire weekend of activities into last Thursday night, which is why I didn't even post anything on Friday. I started off meeting fellow bloggers for happy hour after work in the village. Although I only stayed an hour and left before a lot of people arrived, I had a great time and actually remember the entire happy hour since I had to leave before getting as trashed as usual.

I left the bloggers and headed up town to my favorite Upper West Side bar, Yogi's, where I met up with Seth, Kelly, Adam, and Daniella. We had tickets for the 8:30 showing of Harry Potter in 3D at the Imax so we didn't have a lot of time at Yogi's. It was still enough to down several pitchers of beer and a few cocktails before heading over to the theater. I'm not going to spend too much time talking about Harry Potter I'll just say I was disappointed and found this to be the dullest in the series yet. There is an incredible fight scene at the end but unfortunately it just wasn't enough and this film seemed to lack the fun and excitement of the ones before.

After Potter, we headed to a bar for a few after movie drinks, which turned into a very late night/after party back at our place in Brooklyn. Kelly decided to chuck a sicky on Friday and crashed at our place Thursday night. On Friday, we all woke late to throbbing hangovers and spent the day convalescing. That night, Kitty came over for beer and Mexican food and we hung out chatting, gossiping, and watching lots of Ninja Warrior.

On Saturday Seth & I headed out to do some errands and were soon chased back indoors by the heat and humidity. Since nothing beats a cold beer on a hot day, we spent the rest of the day drinking, rearranging the apartment and looking at pictures from last week's vacation (yes, we used an old fashioned film camera).

So how was your weekend?

I'm Still Ready For The Summer!

After a week of fun and sun at the beach we return to our drab and bleak existences, with nothing to look forward to until Christmas. Yes, I know I'm being a little dramatic but vacation was a blast! Thanks Kitty for keeping an eye on things around here, I love that Nubbin story. And thanks for watching the cats. They said they had a lot of fun with you and I noticed that none of their chores were done so I imagine you let them get away with a lot more than we do.

Now that vacation is over, I'm making a conscious effort to keep summer-vacation Jeff (or "Snack" as I somehow became known over the week) alive and kicking. With just a few simple life changes, I plan to bring the holiday home and so can you! Following are a few of my ideas and I hope you add your own in the comments section.

1. Drink more beer and drink it more frequently.
At home I normally opt for vodka because I've convinced myself it has less calories and fat than beer. On vacation, I only drink vodka for breakfast before cracking open my first cold one. For now on, I choose to limit my vodka consumption to Bloody Marys (which should never be drank after the sun sets) and go with beer at all other times.

2. Eat more junk food.
So what if its compressed into a can, it's still cheese isn't it?

3. Wear shorts and flip-flops to work.
I don't want to get anyone into trouble with this one so check with your human resource department first. If you are anything like me and are grossed out by your feet being so exposed on the subway, then do what I'm doing and wear Vans to work and keep a pair of flip-flops at the office to change into. It's sort of like Mr. Rodgers meets Jeff Spicoli.

4. Shower less.
A little sunscreen can go a long way in fighting body odor and it will help you fight the sun's harmful cancer light. So rather than jumping in the shower every morning, just slab a little Coppertone on.

5. Install an outdoor shower on your terrace or roof.
Lets face it, your are going to have to take the occasional shower and nothing says vacation like showering outdoors. If you don't have a terrace or roof access, try a fire escape and hose attached to the kitchen sink.

6. Get but naked!.
Whether you believe in evolution or creationism pull your head out of your ass clothing is man made. So why conform to man's restrictions? If you are a little trepidatious about this one, take baby steps by skinny dipping. Then you can move on to skinny hot-tubbing, streaking on the beach and eventually you will be skinny rocking-chairing.

That's about all I can think of right now so I hope you can help add to this list.

Outside Its Wednesday, Inside Its Thursday

Unfortunately, tomorrow this morning is another one of those days that somedickbody expects me to do work first thing in the morning. What sort of a person schedules a meeting for 9:00am?

With that in mind, I decided to write this post last night so I wouldn't leave the 5s of people that read this blog hanging. Of course, this presents me with an interesting dilemma - what if something remarkable happens after I publish this post.

Right now (Wednesday night) I'm just sitting at home drinking a few beers and watching the Golden Girls, speaking of which, was Rose suffering from dementia? She gives ding-bats a run for their money and I find it hard to believe that she wasn't touched in the head. Anyway, suppose after publishing this and polishing off a few more beers a mysterious stranger shows up at my door and hands me a pack of cigarettes with a USB drive containing the details of a sinister agency's plans to take-over the Madison Square Park Shake Shack so that they can administer a toxin in the hot dogs that will cause any New Yorkers who eat the dogs to go crazy and run amok through the Home Depot on 23rd street.

It would be my civic duty to take those plans to the proper authority. By the time I figured out who the proper authority was, where that authority's office was located, changed into something appropriate for high-stakes intrigue and espionage, traveled to that office, handed over the plans, answered repeated stupid questions as to how the plans came into my possesion, and finally returned home, I would barley have time for a quick nap and shower before having to head to that stupid meeting at 9:00 am.

The point of all this is, I would have experienced one of the most exciting adventures of my life but you would all be reading this long-winded claptrap assuming that my night consisted of a few beers, some old ladies on TV and then bed. So just to cover my bases, I'm going to publish tonight last night and refuse to answer my door.

Blog Writers Of The World Unite And Take Over

Most people assume that the life of a blogger is a glamorous existence of premiers, parties and beautiful people. And you know what? Its true! Last night at my first Blogger Summit (that just sounds so much better than happy hour, plus now I'm sure I can use my bar tab as a tax deduction) I got to put faces to my favorite blogs. I then proceeded to drink so much that I forgot what those faces look like. So Midwesterner, you can keep writing "This Is Not Me" and I will be just as duped as everyone who has never actually seen you.

I'd like to say the following to everyone who was there last night:

I hope you had as much fun as I did.

When are we doing it again?

What was the deal with the waitresses shushing us?

If I said anything to offend you in the hour leading up to my departure you can rest assured that I don't remember saying it and lets just leave it at that.

I Like A Short Week

I'm finally back after an extra long holiday weekend. As I mentioned last week, Seth & I spent the weekend down south on the Potomac river. Aside from all that clean air reeking havoc with my allergies, we had a blast. Now that we are back, I need to take a vacation from booze for a while, well at least until the weekend.

I hope everyone had as much fun as we did over the weekend. Now that Memorial day has come don't forget the start of white pants season has arrived so wear them if you got them!

I'll fill you in on drunken weekend stories as I remember them. In the meantime, after playing hooky for the past few days, I've got a lot of work waiting for me on my desk, including this giant box from Hasbro's PR firm. The box is filled with the full set of Transformers products for the upcoming movie and I have a lot of transforming to get to work on.

So Just How Crazy Did Things Get on Saturday

In my earlier post, I mention a wild weekend. Well here are some pictures to show you what my idea of a wild night looks like.

Nothing says drunk like late night bodega beer runs in wigs and costumes. Here Kelly and Seth pay for our purchases.


Jen and I on the streets of Park Slope.

Responsible Drinking Wednesdays

I'm proud(?) to report that last Wednesday's responsible drinking happy hour wasn't just a fluke. Last night I joined Seth, Cyndi, Kelly, Adam, and Jen down on the Farm for happy hour. Between the group, we had some great beers, wonderful wine, delicious cocktails, and amazing food all of which, complimented the lively conversation among good friends. Who would have guessed that my friends and I could have so much fun without getting shit-faced? This is new territory for me.

Fear not fellow booze hounds, winos, and beer sluts because I'm not going soft. Like last week, I will more than make up for one night of responsible drinking with four completely irresponsible evenings. In fact, tonight should prove to be a good old fashioned liquor appreciation fest as Seth & I have tickets for Kiki & Herb at the Knitting Factory. Check back tomorrow for a full recap at some point in the day depending on my hangover.

The Morning After

Unfortunately I had no qualified applicants toss their names into the hat for the position of my unpaid intern biographer. In fact, the closest applicant was Adam's suggestion of a monkey stenographer but all the monkey stenographers I spoke to were looking for room and board as payment for their stenographic talents.

It is highly likely that someone showed up at the Farm last night to apply for the job in person, however, rather than propping up my usual corner, which I said I would be doing, we decided to sit outback in the garden so said applicants wouldn't have known where to find me.

With yesterday's likely missed connection in mind and owing to that fact that my apartment isn't large enough for two "adults", two insane cats AND a monkey, who may or may not have a drinking problem, I had to go with option #1 and drink responsibly (just writing those words makes me shudder).

Here's the real kick in the pants - it was fun! I had several pints of beer rather than the ridiculous amount of vodka I usually tend towards, a lovely meal as opposed to simply considering the limes that garnish my drink dinner, and we topped the evening off with home made limoncellos instead of my usual "just one more" that turns into five.

I was home at a decent hour and feel great today! I think I may have inadvertently stumbled upon the perfect Wednesday happy hour. Although, I'm sure I'll drink more than enough this weekend to make up for last night's responsible imbibing, especially considering I'll be hanging with my family at a wedding, I'm already looking forward to next week's responsible Wednesday. Unless of course I find that intern then it's business as usual.

Three Cheers!

Since the first humans left the trees and their monkey ancestors (sorry creationists but pull your heads out of your asses) they have enjoyed a good stiff drink. Cromagnum people were the first to discover the enticing delights of poppy juice and the Egyptians were notorious for their month-long beer parties. The ancient Greeks and then Romans worshiped wine with Bacchanalian feasts (now there is a religion I can get behind). Even through the dark ages, when people were dropping like flies thanks to the plague, wine, beer and mead were staples of every mans diet. Columbus added "new vineyards" to his list of reasons why the Queen should finance his cruise and although our history books may credit Lewis and Clark for their adventure you can bet those two men would thank whisky for getting them through. The popularity of a good drink has only risen in modern times despite the puritan zealots who invaded our government in the 20th century and had alcohol outlawed.

Alcohol is the great unifier giving men, women, and children of all races, nationalities, religions, sexual orientations, and political backgrounds something in common (except for the crazy religions that think drinking is a sin but who really wants anything in common with those nuts?).

Where would we be today without booze? Living in a dull and dreary world that's where. Many of our most famous works of art from paintings to theatrical productions would never have been created were it not for the alcohol infused visions of the masters. When looking at the current crop of crap infesting Broadway I can say without doubt that the problem is lack of drunken creativity. Stop letting Disney and bankers create musicals and give them back to the alcoholic playwrights and drama queens who know what they are doing.

So I say that the next time you belly up to the bar, raise a glass and give a cheer to alcohol! Now would someone please pass me some aspirin because my head is throbbing from all the vodka I drank last night.

It Must Be Friday For Me To Feel This Bad

One of those old rat-pack crooners, Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin or maybe Shirley McClain, once said that they feel sorry for anyone that doesn't wake up with a hangover because that's the best they can expect to feel all day. I can't think of a clever way to tie that into this post but those are words I like to think about on hungover mornings such as this one.

As if the throbbing headache, physical and mental exhaustion weren't reason enough to stay in bed this morning, I should have instantly returned there when I switched on the teli and was greeted by this dire prediction.

Of course, I didn't bother to turn up the volume or even keep that channel on because I figured, if we really were on the eve of Armageddon they probably wouldn't have the
weather lady covering the story.

There are a lot of people I have to thank for today's hangover, starting with the inventors of vodka. Only a gifted genius could figure out how to get drunk off a potato. Next, the brewers of that beer I was drinking after responsibly deciding that I had had enough vodka. I still don't remember your name beer but it had something to do with a tiger. Of course none of the drinks would have been served (except for the ones I had at home before and after going out) without the help of the ridiculously unpleasant lady tending bar at Barcade last night. Lighten up sweetie, you'll never catch a man with that sour puss. Many thanks go out to Adam, Kelly, Cyndi and Seth. Guys, if it weren't for you I would have been drinking alone.* And finally, my deepest thanks to Seth's mom. If she hadn't given birth to baby Seth on April 18th, none of us would have had such a great excuse for getting drunk on a Wednesday.

In parting, I'd like to accept this hangover on behalf of the Gowanus whale. Your camporing and cavorting won New York's hart but ultimately, New York's shit would stop yours from beating.

Gowanus whale, April 17 - April 19, 2007. R.I.P.



*Not that there is anything wrong with drinking alone.

The Pop-O-Matic Bar Report

Despite the fact that the weather remains winterish, my biological booze clock is fully aware that we should be in prime happy hour season. Spring is supposed to be that thin sliver of perfect going out weather when you can head to the bar sans jacket but still strut down the street without worrying about working up a sweat. These are supposed to be the days that are too nice to go home straight from work and you are expected to do your duty as a New Yorker by exploring happy hour discount prices.

Well screw you confused mother nature! I'm going out anyway.

Yester-happy-hour I whet my whistle at Flatbush Farm in Brooklyn. This large single room bar with adjoining separate restaurant and outdoor patio is designed to resemble an upstate farm house with modern, urban appeal. While the mixture of styles sounds a little odd, the Farm pulls it off nicely and the result is a casual and classy atmosphere.

But how are the drinks you might ask? They're Great! The bar features an eclectic and interesting beer selection plus several tasty cocktails such as the Mo' Stomy made with ginger juice, ginger ale, dark rum, mint and lime. Mmm Good.

I didn't get around to trying the food but with items such as tempura onion rings and fries with herb mayoniase, I'm fixing to remedy that soon.

You Rock!

There are a bunch of expressions that I intensely dislike hearing and go out of my way to avoid saying. A few examples are "I'm loving it", "Now that's what I'm talking about!", and any expression that uses the word "bling". It's pretty hard to watch Reality TV without hearing one or all of these expressions repeatedly.

Another expression that doesn't bother me quite as much but I still choose not to use it is "Party like rockstars!" So it pains me a little to admit, that's the expression that can best sum up our weekend trip to PA.


I don't mean to imply that we lit a whisky soaked hotel room on fire, beat up a shark or snorted someone's dad. But, from the time we arrived at Bessie's house Friday night until leaving yesterday afternoon, somebody was playing the game, Guitar Hero 2.

If you've never played I highly recommend that you start. This game is just as much fun to watch someone else play as it is to play yourself. And while drinking isn't required, the more booze you add to the mix, the better the performances become for the audience. Now that's what I'm talking about!

Here Beer!

I just read about this beer cozy pager (pictured). Apparently, the cozy has something embedded in it so when you press the button on the remote, the cozy belches.

I guess the idea behind the device is locating your lost beer. I though this sounded like a great idea at first but then it occurred to me, I never loose my beer. I may loose my dignity, my self respect and even my pants but I never loose my beer.