I Have A Question

Why do uptight, Felix Unger, Jesus-loving Christians apply to be on the Real World? Have these people never watched an episode? In the past 302 seasons of the Real World, every season* has had the following:

Spoiler Alert! What you are about to read is a fabrication of highly sensitive Jeff Ideas. Many spies died to bring you the following:

Real World Casting Call

Four (4) borderline Leaving-Las-Vegas alcoholics
One Straight douche-bag white guy
One slightly nonthreatening but large black guy
One unbelievably prissy cheerleader girl

The only common thread among the multiplying legions of Real World housemates is the predisposition to live their televised lives as if it were the last Spring Break on Earth. I couldn't be more jealous. In fact, I auditioned for the Real World once and received a lovely rejection letter addressed to "John." That's a story for another time.

My long-winded point is this: people want to be on the Real World so they can spend three (3) months of their lives getting trashed, fucking idiots, and maybe visiting India. Sure those kids will need passports but are they prepared for the most disgusting smells they will ever encounter?

If your idea of a good time is reading the bible than do the viewing public a favor and stay home until the final judgment.

Everyone else, you should be watching the Real World Hollywood - It's terrific!.

* The very first Real World (showed real people in a real life setting) rumored to have taken place in the later part of the 20th century.

Monday Night Comedy Review

I don't care much for the situation comedy genre. Aside from Seinfeld reruns, there are only two sit coms that I watch that star actors and not animated characters. Those two shows are The New Adventures of Old Christine, which is never actually on, and How I Met Your Mother, which I mentioned before is on the verge of getting dropped from my to do list.

So last night I had a good old fashioned hankering for an evening of sit coms. How I Met Your Mother was already on my list and, as usual, The New Adventures of Old Christine wasn't airing. So I decided to take a chance and check out the other two sit coms on CBS's Monday night line-up. Those two shows were Two and A Half Men and The Rules Of Engagement, or Attraction (I've already forgotten the name).

So how did these two shows stack up? I was pleasantly surprised by how funny Two and A Half Men was. I love any comedy that promotes alcohol abuse, poor decision making, and prostitution, which Two and A Half Men managed to do in one episode. Last night's episode could have been a fluke but I will definitely be adding it to my list and if How I Met Your Mother doesn't pull back from the sickeningly sweet story lines of late, this new show might just take it's place as one of my two sit coms with real people.

Unfortunately, the same can not be said for The Rules of Whatever. This show is the epitome of why I don't watch many sit coms - it was just one big rehashed story line that has been floating around the boob tube since Lucy got her head stuck in a loving cup that Ricky was giving to an award winning jockey (yes, that's an actual plot from I Love Lucy and if you haven't seen it, check it out). Not even the deadpan comedy stylings of Patrick "Puddy" Warburton could entice me into checking out that crap-fest again.

Since I'm sure the programming people at CBS are reading, here is my ideal CBS Monday night line-up. For starters, why must the sit com be limited to a half hour block? Lets shake things up with 40 minute episodes beginning with How I Met Your Mother (please see warning above), followed by The New Adventures of Old Christine (you are going to have to actually air it for this to work), then Two and A Half Men (as long as the characters don't receive moral makeovers) and finally, the funniest show of the night - CSI Miami Vice.

CBS, the ball is in your court.

The Real Awful World

I'm not sure if you are watching the Real World Sydney but if you aren't, let me tell you what you are missing - the worst season of The Real World in as long as I can remember.

I've never seen a more wretched group of roommates on this show before. And surprise surprise, the most horrible person of all is the outspoken Christian. Every one of these assholes has more issues than a 22 minute program can display in one week and unfortunately, non of these issues are entertaining to watch. I can't imagine how hard the editors of this season are working to try and package this crap as something worth watching.

Despite the amount of time I've already wasted watching, I don't think I'll bother finishing the season. Why am I telling you all this? It's to save you from making the same mistake that I made - tuning in to the Real World Sydney.

News Dump

From Monday's Curbed.com comes the following story:

The plague of human defecation spreading across Boerum Hill as of late has the neighborhood awash in crap and up in arms. Comes this morning to the Curbed inbox the first bona fide break in the case—a genuine crapper sighting!

Emails our tipster, "I just spent my morning cleaning poop off of my stoop. For the second time in two weeks I got pooped on. This time I saw her. I live on Dean St between Hoyt and Bond. 6:00am this morning my wife heard..... well peeing.... she woke me up and I went to the door. I live in the garden apartment so I looked up and saw butt—thus I yelled 'HEY MOVE YOUR ASS!!!!' This was the first time in my life that I literally meant it."

I'm sure Kelly whoever this is had a perfectly reasonable excuse.