You Can't Make This Stuff Up

I have no idea what show was on the TV when I turned it on but I managed to catch this little spippet before changing the channel:

"Heather Locklear got a much needed visit from her boyfriend, Jack Wagner, while she spends time in a an Arizona treatment facility for anxiety and depression."



Hello!? Heather Locklear and Jack Wagner are not only dating, but she is hiding out at Pity Me Pines! That's bad news for all the rest of the nut jobs being treated there because you know Eve Cleary is lurking around in her high school cheerleader uniform just waiting to blow it up.

I think we all know how this relationship is going to end. Heather and Jack will fake their own deaths and pay Thomas Calabro $1 million dollars to keep quiet about it. While the world mourns the deaths of Heather and Jack, the sexy duo will be strolling along a remote beach, hand in hand, listening to Closing Time by Semisonic.

What Do Me, Molly Ringwald, And Abigail Breslin Have In Common?

... We were all on Live With Regis & Kelly yesterday. Ok, so only Molly Ringwald and Abigail Breslin were actually guests invited to sit down for an interview. My boss, the Toy Guy, was also a guest and he was there with a bucket full of cool outdoor water toys for the summer. If you were watching closely, which I'm sure you were, you saw me standing aloof in the background during one of the shots.

I know the question you are dyeing to ask me is where will I be appearing next. I'm currently working on a real scene stealer in which I jump up and down behind the local Albany "news" reporter on location at the site of a fire. If you aren't lucky enough to live in the Albany, NY area, you can head on over to Hometown Hangover and catch my riveting performance as the unloveable Tramp in Bango. Just click here and prepare to be blown away.

pop-o-matic Reviews ... I Survived a Japanese Game Show

Critic's reviews have never influenced my decision to see or avoid something. Thumbs up or thumbs down, five stars, four apples, or ten rabbits - I don't care what someone I've never met thinks. The largest influencers of my viewing consumption are friends and fellow bloggers. In other words, you.

So here is my new review section in which, I'll share my thoughts on something and hope you chime in with your opinion in the comments section. Don't expect anything well thought-out or in depth from me. What you will get is whether I liked it or not.

As the country heads into Summer and the economy heads farther into the shitter, more people are scaling back their vacation plans. Fortunately, the networks aren't scaling back their new Summer programming and my favorite Summer show so far premiered earlier this week. I Survived a Japanese Game Show is an American reality show that premiered on ABC this past Tuesday. The show follows ten Americans, who leave the United States for Japan where they will compete in a Japanese game show. The winner will take home $250,000.



On Tuesday's show, the contestants arrived at LAX, where they thought they were about to take part on a typical reality show, one where someone ends up with a rose, a ring, or ring worm. They were picked up at the curb and immediately driven to the international gate and put on a plane to Tokyo. They barely had time to introduce themselves to one another when they were thrust onto the set of a rowdy and insane Japanese game show where they will compete against each other each week.

If your idea of entertainment is watching people willfully humiliate themselves in front of an audience for money, than this is the show for you. In other words, I like it! Check it out for yourself Tuesday nights on ABC.

Why I Love Technology

Last night I was firmly ensconced in my living room couch watching Gossip Girl (go ahead and laugh but I love every minute of it) on TiVo delay so I could skip the commercials. During the show, a song was played that I have never heard before but knew in an instant it had the makings to be my favorite song of the week. Much like the first time I saw "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" and decided to dedicate my life to tracking down the song Oh Yeah by Yello, I knew I had to find out what I just heard, who it was, and how I could acquire it.

During the end credits, Gossip Girl's producers were kind enough to inform the viewer of the names of the bands that had contributed music to the show and I was off! Less than 10 minutes after the show had ended, I had found Sour Cherry by The Kills, on Amazon, downloaded the song legally for free (thanks Pepsi bottle cap promotion), dragged it onto my iPod and was listening to it on my Sound Dock.

If someone could just invent a way to download beer, I would never have to leave the house again.

Monday Night Comedy Review

I don't care much for the situation comedy genre. Aside from Seinfeld reruns, there are only two sit coms that I watch that star actors and not animated characters. Those two shows are The New Adventures of Old Christine, which is never actually on, and How I Met Your Mother, which I mentioned before is on the verge of getting dropped from my to do list.

So last night I had a good old fashioned hankering for an evening of sit coms. How I Met Your Mother was already on my list and, as usual, The New Adventures of Old Christine wasn't airing. So I decided to take a chance and check out the other two sit coms on CBS's Monday night line-up. Those two shows were Two and A Half Men and The Rules Of Engagement, or Attraction (I've already forgotten the name).

So how did these two shows stack up? I was pleasantly surprised by how funny Two and A Half Men was. I love any comedy that promotes alcohol abuse, poor decision making, and prostitution, which Two and A Half Men managed to do in one episode. Last night's episode could have been a fluke but I will definitely be adding it to my list and if How I Met Your Mother doesn't pull back from the sickeningly sweet story lines of late, this new show might just take it's place as one of my two sit coms with real people.

Unfortunately, the same can not be said for The Rules of Whatever. This show is the epitome of why I don't watch many sit coms - it was just one big rehashed story line that has been floating around the boob tube since Lucy got her head stuck in a loving cup that Ricky was giving to an award winning jockey (yes, that's an actual plot from I Love Lucy and if you haven't seen it, check it out). Not even the deadpan comedy stylings of Patrick "Puddy" Warburton could entice me into checking out that crap-fest again.

Since I'm sure the programming people at CBS are reading, here is my ideal CBS Monday night line-up. For starters, why must the sit com be limited to a half hour block? Lets shake things up with 40 minute episodes beginning with How I Met Your Mother (please see warning above), followed by The New Adventures of Old Christine (you are going to have to actually air it for this to work), then Two and A Half Men (as long as the characters don't receive moral makeovers) and finally, the funniest show of the night - CSI Miami Vice.

CBS, the ball is in your court.

God Is Not Watching

From a half-wit on Make Me A Supermodel to a majority of the housemates on Big Brother, they all seem to think that "god" is watching American reality television AND has a vested interest. Please, take your heads out of your bibles and realize that willingly competing for money in an entertainment game is the complete opposite of what god's spokesperson, Jesus, dedicated his life and death to.

More Pot References Less Love Please

What happened to the writers of How I Met Your Mother during the strike? Did they all start taking estrogen meds during that time? Ever since the show returned a couple of weeks ago, it feels more like a bad Drew Barrymore chick-flick than the original, unique, and funny sitcom it used to be.

Until recently, I loved this show. But if it's going to replace the offbeat sandwich smoking story lines with weekly love stories then I'll have to bail out before ever learning how Ted met anyone's mother.

Spike TV To Air Entire Star Wars Saga

Starting next month (April 4, 2008), Spike TV will begin airing the entire Star Wars saga. The network has launched a huge outdoor ad campaign around New York City to promote their airing of the saga with billboards like the following.



Additional ads put a humorous spin on some of the far away galaxies most popular characters.



All images from StarWars.com. For more information on the saga on Spike, check out Spike's official page here.

Nerd Alert! SCI FI Channel Announces New Battlestar Galactica TV Movie - Caprica

Production is set to begin on Caprica, a two-hour prequel to the current Battlestar Galactica series.

The new story will take place 50 years before the Cylon attack that kicked off the current series, which is about to begin it's fourth and final season.

From SciFi Wire:

"Caprica follows two rival families--the Greystones and the Adamas --as they grow, compete and thrive in the vibrant world of the 12 Colonies. Enmeshed in the burgeoning technology of artificial intelligence and robotics that will eventually lead to the creation of the Cylons, the two houses go toe-to-toe."

In the meantime, the fourth season of Battlestar Galactica takes off on March 28 at 10 p.m. ET/PT with two half-hour specials followed by the premier of the first new episode the following week, April 4, at 10 p.m.

I can't say enough how incredible this show is - even non-sci-fi folk love it. So if you haven't seen it yet, there is still time to rent or download the first three seasons and get with it.

My Thoughts On Big Brother 9

So did you watch last night? I have one thing to say - Best Season Ever!

I was on the edge of my couch for the entire episode and love all the new twists and turns. I won't divulge anything in case you Tivo'd and haven't watched yet but only Big Brother would force complete strangers to sleep together.

My only complaint was that the show was too short but thankfully, there is a new episode on tonight! Let the writers go back on strike and take all their crappy sitcom, dramas with them - we've got a winter Big Brother!

For much more extensive and funny commentary, check out what Jdizzle had to say over at Hometown Hangover

What's The Gayest Thing On Television?

No, it isn't this guy

Christian from Project Runway.


Or even this guy

Charles Nelson Riley from Match Game.


It isn't even this guy

Troy Aikman from football.


It's this

Make Me A Supermodel on Bravo.

Each week, the gaggle of Zoolander wanna-bes are put in challenges that conveniently (for the viewer) require the models to take off their clothes. It's trashtastic TV viewing at it's best! I'm really pulling for Ronnie (no pun intended).

Gone Country

I've mentioned a few times how difficult it has been to get hi-def, DVR cable service up here in the mountains. The last time I mentioned it, I was waiting for Direct TV to arrive and when they did, they said they could give me cable but they wouldn't be able to provide the local channels. Unfortunately, I can't live without Big Brother, Amazing Race, Survivor, and I suppose even Lost. So I had to give up the dream of super vivid shows when I want them and get regular digital cable (no DVR and not hi-def) from our local cable provider. We've had that for about a week now and until Tivo arrives (tomorrow!!), if we want to watch TV, we have to watch what's on when we turn on the TV and no fast forwarding through commercials. How did we ever survive like this in the last Millennium?

So we have been listening to a lot of music and its been really nice but last night, I was home alone and just wanted to veg out in front of the idiot screen. I lucked out and caught an episode of The Fattest Losers Couple Edition and The Real Housewives of the O.C. reunion. But the real gem of the evening was undoubtedly, Gone Country on the CMT channel.


The premise of this show is "musicians" from various musical genres are picked to live together in a house and find out what happens when people stop being polite and get real live the life of a country singer with the ultimate goal of being picked to record and release a country song. Here's where it gets fun, the musicians are Sisqó, Maureen McCormick (singer/actor, The Brady Bunch), Julio Iglesias Jr.(not as hot as his brother but apparently he has never been told that), Diana DeGarmo, Dee Snider (I don't think he is gonna make it), Carnie Wilson, and every body's favorite TV train wreck - Bobby Brown.

If you haven't seen Gone Country yet, you have only missed one episode so I highly recommend setting your DVRs to record this one.

What Am I Missing?

While things are coming along nicely here on the home front, we still don't have TV. Hopefully that will be remedied this weekend when the Direct TV people arrive. Oddly enough, I haven't really missed watching the idiot box but I have to admit, I feel a little left out.

I'm hoping you can help answer some TV related questions that have been rattling around in my head.

Is the writers strike still going on?

How are Kate and Pat doing on the Amazing Race? Great I'm sure. After all, If anyone can win the race its two geriatric lesbian ministers from Thousand Oaks, CA.

Has the Supreme Court chosen a new President for us yet? I seem to recall a lot of hoopla about elections. Have they happened?

Who is still in and who is out on Project Runway? Please don't tell me Jack is out. He is my favoritist.

Speaking of Bravo, has Make Me A Supermodel started yet?! I can't imagine anything more craptastically entertaining than a supermodel contest hosted by Tyson Beckford and Niki Taylor!

Who won the Super Bowl?

That's about all for now. I'll let you know if I have any more burning questions later. Please keep your fingers crossed that everything works for us with Direct TV this weekend, I'd hate to miss the finale of Survivor China.

Things I Never Want To Hear on TV Again

I'm not ashamed to admit that I watch a lot of TV and most of it is craptastic viewing. So this will probably become an ongoing list but here are the first and biggest offenders.

1. That's what I'm talkin' about!

2. I'm lovin' it.

3. Live from New York, it's Saturday Night!

The Finale We Have All Been Waiting For

**UPDATE**
The final episode just finished and it was Priceless. For me the best moment was seeing Dean from Canada fall as he ran down the isle. If you missed it, CBS is replaying today's final show tonight at 8.


While most of the internets were anxiously waiting for last week's Sopranos finale, today is the series ender that I've been buzzing about all year. The final episode of The Price Is Right with Bob Barker airs this morning at 11:00.

Its hard to believe that this show has been running since before I was born. Just think of all the other programs that have come and gone since then. Shows like M.A.S.K., Good Times, Droids The Adventures of R2-D2 and C3P0: , The Great Space Coaster, Mama's Family, Tales from the Crypt, Challenge of the Gobots, Dynasty, Mr. Belvedere, Airwolf, Thundar the Barbarian, Wings, Strangers With Candy, Boy Meets World, Twin Peaks, Dawson's Creek, Beverly Hills 90210, Two Guys and a Girl, Blossom, Baywatch, The Osbournes, The Michael Richards Show, That's My Bush and the Golden Girls.

There may have been a few others that I missed but that's a lot of TV.

For everyone who didn't plan ahead for today and take the day off, Clinton will be live blogging (whatever that means) today's final episode over at Zombie Fights Shark.

Your Man On The Inside

Fact: A lot of my friends and readers don't live in New York City.
Fact: Lots of TV shows and movies use New York City as both a backdrop and often a character. Therefore I've decide to start a new post, "Your Man On The Inside", where I will dispel the rumors that Hollywood would have you believe about New York City.

Item #2: Crime Dramas on both television and in the movies would have you believe that New York City is literally bisected and disected by alleys. Hollywood often portrays theses alleys as havens for hobos warming their hands or baking their beans over garbage can fires, escape routes for crooks during hi-speed chases, the perfect spot to score and shoot crack, concert halls for crooning cats, and long maze-like halls that end at tall wooden fences.

The truth is there are little to no alleys like those mentioned above in NYC. While these places may exist in Queens or the Bronx, real estate in Manhattan is so valuable and scarce that no space, no matter how small, is overlooked.

Your Man On The Inside

Fact: A majority of my friends and readers don't live in New York City.
Fact: Lots of TV shows and movies use New York City as both a backdrop and often a character. Therefore I've decide to start a new post, "Your Man On The Inside", where I will dispel the rumors that Hollywood would have you believe about New York City.

Item #1: If you had watched a recent episode of 'Ugly Betty' you might believe that "The Middle Ages" theme restaurant exists in the heart of Times Square. I have to admit, I avoid Times Square like the plague but if this theme restaurant exists, its new to me. The closest thing to a middle ages theme restaurant in Times Square that I'm aware of would have to be the ESPN Zone. With two giant shishkebob skewers flanking the doorway and MoCap Boxing events inside, this place is just as barbaric as a pack of Huns. So please, non-New Yorkers, don't plan your next vacation to New York City with hopes of taking in a staged joust and eating mutton chops because it doesn't exist, at least not outside of Staten Island.

Lucas And Hamill, Together Again!

George Lucas and Mark Hamill* will reunite for Robot Chicken": Star Wars," a special 30-minute, Star Wars spoof.

The special makes fun of popular scenes and characters from the "Star Wars" movies and was done in collaboration with Lucas' production company Lucasfilm. George himself, will provide the voice for, uh, himself and Hamill will once again play everyone's favorite whiny Jedi, Luke Skywalker.

The special is set to premiere at 10 p.m. on June 17, and will also include the voice talents of Conan O'Brien, Seth MacFarlane, Malcolm McDowell, Hulk Hogan, James "I don't want your life"** Van Der Beek, Breckin Meyer and Joey Fatone.

*If you follow just one link in this post, make it this one!
**If you follow just two links in this post, make this the second one!

Television's One-Hit Wonders

Like most Americans 18 to 35 years old, I loved the first season of Lost. It was imaginative, compulsive and a word I rarely use to describe anything on tv - original. Then the second season happened and aside from the ridiculously irregular schedule the show aired on, it just wasn't as good (I know, stating the obvious). So now we are approaching the end of season three and after watching last week's episode (I'm one week behind), I think the show has gone from great to mildly entertaining to complete piece of shit.

On last week's episode, the character Juliet actually told Kate that she (Kate) "Broke Jack's heart." Are you kidding me!? Ignoring the fact that these characters have only know each other for three months (the amount of time Hurley says they have been on the island in the same episode), which hardly seems like enough time to fall so madly in love with a stranger that they are able to "break your heart", what person out of middle school actually uses that expression? It's as if the show is now being written by Harlequin authors. And another thing, in season one's flashback scenes Kate is able to beat the crap out of anyone that gets in her way, walk away from horrible car accidents and leap tall buildings in a single bound but in last week's episode she couldn't even get the drop on Juliet with a surprise attack using a pool stick as a weapon.

Kate isn't the only character that seems to be going through a big pussyfication. Lately Sawyer and Hurley are the island's own Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis and don't get me started on Locke. What the hell happened to that character? He went from Indiana Jones MacGyver to Rain Man.

Of course being the sucker that I am I'll watch the rest of this season. But unless something drastic happens, and I don't mean another electromagnetic explosion, I mean some decent character writing, I won't bother to find Lost when the next season begins.