MCKINNEY'S LAMPOON WEDDING VACATION

Sorry for not posting over the past few days but I just got back from my brother’s wedding in Palm Springs, CA, and like any occasion where my family gets together, I have plenty of tales to tell.

I’ll start at the beginning, Day 1
I left the quiet peace of Brooklyn at the but-crack of dawn and caught a taxi to the airport. It was a beautiful morning so I had the car windows open and was enjoying the wind on my face until something flew in the window and hit me in the eye. Windows up!

My flight left LaGuardia without incident and I touched down in Dallas, TX a few hours later, where I met up with the rest of my family on route from FL. We had a 3-hour layover, which gave us plenty of time for cocktails and both my sister and I were well lubricated by the time we boarded. With the exception of the 2 dwarves (Coughy and Shouty) behind us, the flight to Palm Springs was delightful and a few drinks later we landed.

We breathed a collective sigh of relief when all of our bags showed up on the carousel and we then piled into the rental family-mini-van to head out to meet up with Scott (the groom). Palm Springs is a small town bordered on one side by the desert and on the other by mountains. There are probably 5 main roads cutting across the town but that didn’t stop us from quickly getting lost. Eventually, Scott (in his car) found us on the road and led us back to the house my family had rented for the weekend.

The house (a ranch style in a creepy, dark, neighborhood), looked like something that had time-warped from the 50’s, unfortunately not everything made it along with the house. Some of the more noteworthy standard home items that this place was missing included bed sheets, towels, television, furniture, hangers, closet rods, hot water, a floor and worst of all – no booze! Having more than 30 years of experience traveling with my parents I knew we wouldn’t be staying there long. After a brief confrontation with the rental-home’s manager, which ended with her in tears, we piled back into the min-van and quickly checked in to the Palm Springs Hyatt.

Aside from the persistent pain in my eye, which was now completely blood-shot, day 2 was relatively calm. At least, until it was just about to end. After the rehearsal dinner the family and me joined everyone else at another hotel, where the other guests (Scott and Nichole’s friends and some family) were staying.

My dad has a little habit of ending most parties by quietly slipping off to bed, which is fine - when the party is at my parent’s house. He choose not to change his routine on this particular night, and left the rest of us stranded without a car at the party. Luckily, we got rides back to our own hotel and Reen and I said goodnight to mom who went up to the room as we went down to the bar. About an hour later we got a call from my mom who had been desperately trying to get into her room. It turned out that after several attempts by security, it was determined that my father (soundly sleeping in the room) had dead bolted the door and there was no way in from the outside. Maureen and I had a sweet, two rooms down from my parents so we decided the only thing to do was to scale the hotel balconies and unlock the door from the inside. Once again, being very well lubricated, I was ready for a late night climb but asked Mike to get a video camera first since I didn’t want to risk my life unless it was on film. Before I could even hoist myself over the railing, Mike was up and shimming across the railing like Spider Man.

We finally got mom into her room and Reen and I returned to the bar intent on drinking until her fiancé’s (Kevin) early morning flight arrived. Needles to say, I was too hungover to do much of anything the following day (the wedding day) and only pulled myself off the couch for the drive down to the airport to pick up Seth, who got into town that day, and the wedding itself

The Wedding went off without a hitch. The groomsmen, Mike, and me were wearing white linen suits with checkered vans and tuxedo T-shirts (yes, seriously) and the bridesmaids, my sister and Nichole’s sister, were wearing black puffy dresses.

As much as I laughed at our outfits while getting ready, I was equally thankful to be wearing linen and a T-shirt as we stood in the 100-degree heat during the outdoor ceremony.

The reception was held at a private home rented by Scott and Nichole (complete with furniture, floors and booze) and everyone had a blast dancing around the pool.
The highlight of the evening came about an hour before the party began to wind down. Two of Scott’s friends stripped to their boxers and jumped into the pool along with my dad who was still wearing his suit. Reen quickly followed in her poofy gown and I went next wearing my suit. After that Scott jumped in followed by Seth and finally Nichole, still wearing her gown, jumped in as well. After that my mom was thrown in and from there it became a good old-fashioned pool party with everyone taking a fully clothed dip.

All in all, a typical family get together!