What's On My Desk Today

I haven't done a 'What's On My Desk Today' in a while and this may be my last one. I decided last night while watching Ugly Betty (last week's rerun) that my desk is too cluttered. Considering that two items currently sitting on my desk make fart noises, I think its past time for a clean sweep.


You may have noticed from the picture that the antfarm I received back in November is still here. When it arrived, Uncle Milton told me the ants had a life expectancy of about three months. My ants are looking sluggish but most are still kicking five months later.

Just When You Thought it Was Safe to Put Away Winter Clothes

Brrr! Its cold out there! It seems as if March went out like a lamb but April has come in like a frigid beast. Mentally I already put away all my winter clothes but physically I'm wearing my heavy coat. Not that I'm complaining though, because the sweltering oppression is on the horizon and I'd rather shiver than sweat any day.

Once the humid weather is here, I go out of my way to avoid sweating. The problem with New York City is you have to walk outside a lot and even worse head into the pits of hell that the subway stations become.

One of my early jobs after college was working for a PR firm downtown that was a lot of fun until the fun people left. After that I was stuck in an office of newly hired idiots who seemed to be handpicked by the boss to hide his own profound stupidity. I started sending out resumes in the spring but held off scheduling interviews until after September. I decided it was better to hate my current job than have to suit-up for an interview in the humid summer months.

I would ensconce myself in linen during the summer if it wasn't for the fact that my friend Jen went on a date with a guy who did just that and to this day we refer to
him as the Linen Lover. He also wore a lobster bib, made Jen pay for dinner and then tried to seduce her with candles back at his place. Anyway, I know if I were ever to wear a linen shirt with linen pants (and not be on holiday in the tropics) I would quickly be relegated to the role of L.L.

So I'll stick to cotton this summer and soak up these last few cold days with joy.

UPDATE: It's snowing! I guess it's like Prince said "Sometimes it snows in April."

Why I Prefer The Subway

I just got back from lunch with Polly Pocket at the NY Auto show. Yes, seriously. Polly Pocket is pushing her new line of toys, Polly Wheels, and I was one of a handful of idiots, I mean editors, that headed out in the rain to see her booth at the auto show.

The event was fine and I left quickly but there was some Mad Max-like excitement on the way to the show. I'm not sure exactly why, but a NY taxi decided to ram the car I was in. At first, I thought it was an accident since it's pouring and the roads are wet. But when he did it a second time with more force I realized he meant it. My driver and the cabbie got out of their cars and the cabbie immediately began screaming at my driver.

As luck would have it, the whole incident took place in front of some sort or hobo gathering and we had no shortage of drunks (the time was 11:45am) approaching our car to say they were witnesses and on our side. The drivers eventually got back in their cars and decided to drag race and cut each other for another three blocks until my driver finally blocked the cabbie into the right lane and ran a light at the last possible moment giving the cab the slip. I still have no idea what the whole thing was over but have never been so glad to arrive safely at the Javits Convention Center.

Oh yeah, on the way back to my office, we took a taxi rather than use the same car service and our taxi hit a car as he pulled over to drop us off.

The Ikea Home of Tomorrow, Today!

I'll admit that I own two pieces of furniture from Ikea but one, a dresser, is the last remnant of my college days and surprisingly still in good shape. I'll also admit that I like Ikea's marketplace section where you can buy a bag of 50,000 tea-light candles for $1.99. But furnishing an entire home from Ikea is not exactly my idea of House Beautiful. I have friends whose places look like pages from the Ikea catalogue and they look really great, it's just not my style.


I just read about the Ikea House (pictured) and suddenly felt very frightened for humanity. Apparently these homes are already big sellers in Sweden and are now entering the UK market. They look incredibly depressing and I can only imagine an entire neighborhood of these things would look like a George Orwell nightmare. At least the tract houses of 1950's American suburbs were colorful.

I Gave At The Office

The other day I set out to take care of a few errands - haircut, drugstore, and sandwich shop - all conveniently located on the same block. Since that super convenient block is just one block away from my apartment I decided I could survive outdoors for this short period without my life-soundtrack so I left the iPod at home. Big mistake!

It turns out, I wasn't the only one with business to attend to on that block. The area was crawling with petition pricks. I know they are just doing their jobs. I actually met a lovely girl over the weekend who actually did this job once. But that doesn't change the fact that I am not interested in anything someone on the street wants to tell me. It doesn't matter if they have tickets to the funniest comedienne of all time, want to tell me about senator so-and-so's position on abortion, have free samples of a revolutionary new shampoo or are saving the environment - I'm not interested!

That doesn't mean I'm not interested in those causes, after all, who wouldn't want a revolutionary new shampoo plus, I'm already doing my part to save the environment - I use CFC bulbs and public transportation and only put the AC on when its hot outside. I'm just leery of any stranger that stops me on the sidewalk because no matter how the pitch starts, I know its going to end with them asking for money, which in my book is panhandling.

So anyway, one of the donation vultures was set up right in front of the place where I get my haircut and without my iPod, I couldn't play it off as if I was so into my music I was magically transporting out of my body and therefore there is no way I could even notice him. Fortunately, since he was standing right by the Salon (its more of a barber shop than a salon) I could prove that I wasn't lying when I said I had an appointment and couldn't stop. Unfortunately, he would still be there when I left. I tried to stall hoping the guy would reach his quota or just give up and leave but if I asked the woman cutting my hair to take any more off the sides, I would leave there looking like Butters from South Park. So I left and to my delight, the guy was busy with another sucker. I hi-tailed it around the corner and took the longest, most out-of-the way route back to my apartment.

I'd like to say that I learned a valuable lesson that day but the truth is, I haven't learned a thing.

Frack Me!

I finally watched the season finale of Battlestar Gallactica and was completely blown away by it. Like the season 2 finale, this one was a literal jaw-dropper. Seth & I sat in stunned silence for a few minutes before we could even talk about what we had just seen. I won't say anything about the episode in case you haven't watched it yet so go watch it. Now!

I didn't think season 3 was as good as the previous 2 but I still tuned in religiously and thought it to be one of the best written dramas on the teli. I think this last season intentionally took a departure from the action and excitement of seasons 1 & 2 and instead focused more on the individual characters themselves. If you have never seen B.G. don't start with season 3.

Unfortunately, it looks like we will have to wait until early 2008 for season 4. The good news, however, is that there is a special two-hour extended event that will air during fourth quarter 2007.

Your Own Personal R2

Wouldn't it be great if we all had our own R2-D2 robots? It would be like having your computer, camera, ipod, PDA, crackberry and phone with you at all times but not have to carry all that stuff. I'm sure most models would come with lots of compartments for holding your keys, sunglasses, flask, Burt's Bees lip balm and jacket. Best of all, you could ask you R2 how the previous drunken night ended and he won't judge you.

My New Favorite Bar - Update

When I stake my claim on a new favorite bar I mean it. Friday night found my ass in the same booth at Union Hall that I spent Wednesday night in. The friday night crowd was completely different then the Wednesday crowd and by different I mean a bunch of loud assholes.

Somebody actually had the rediculous sense to bring their kids to the bar. I know, I know, having children doesn't mean ending your social life but give me a break, it was Friday night! And these kids weren't infants strapped into chairs or strollers. I would have no problem with infants as long as they weren't seated near me crying. Now that bars are smoke-free environments I see no reason not to take babys to a bar, unless its a place like Siberia or The Cock. But these kids were kids - running, shouting, tantrum-throwing kids. They spent most of the night throwing the bocci balls and disrupting the adjoining court's game.

Aside from the kids, there seemed to be a large B&T contingency, which is never a good thing, and a large group was holding some sort of awards ceremony in the rear of the bar. Despite all that, I still had a great time and resolve to continue my plight to be a fixture at Union Hall.

自主映画「手づくりのスターウォーズ」

Thank you lioux for this video.

Overheard In Old New York

Lady #1: "I better go change my clothes, I can't go on a subway dressed like this."
Lady #2: "Well if I can go like this, you certainly can go like that!"
Lady #1: "In my blue jeans!? I have never ridden on a subway in my blue jeans and I'm not going to start now!"

The Ricardo's apartment on I Love Lucy

Chocolate Jesus

Local catholic groups have no sweet tooth for a life-sized, anatomically correct sculpture of Jesus made entirely out of chocolate and scheduled to go on display at an East Side gallery at the Roger Smith Hotel.

The artist, Cosimo Cavallaro, calls his sculpture of Jesus on the cross - "My Sweet Lord," and he's inviting people to have a taste of it before it's taken down on Easter Sunday. An offended catholic group's spokesperson calls the sculpture a cheap publicity stunt.

This is the first I have heard of this sculpture and if it wasn't for the offended catholic groups vocal protests, I probably never would have known it existed. When will these people learn that If they really want to stop publicity stunts that they find offensive they should keep quiet and not create more publicity than the actual item itself. The same thing happened in 1999, when offended catholic groups created a huge buzz around the painting of the Virgin Mary done in elephant shit.

Now that I know about it, I have to see this sculpture for myself. Thank you offended catholic groups for spreading the word.

What Will They Think of Next?

This shiny little box is a condom dispenser. Sleek and stylish enough to sit on your nightstand and guaranteed to end those clumsy drawer fumblings. All for the low, low price of just $35.

R2-D2 Where Are You?

I just found one of those R2-D2 mailboxes in Times Square.

FYI, the USPS just announced new commemorative Star Wars stamps and they are letting us vote for which one should be its own sheet (whatever that means?). You can vote now at
uspsjedimaster.com

I have way too many columns about R2-D2 on my blog.

My New Favorite Bar

Let me start by saying that in no way am I claiming to be on the ground floor of discovering my new favorite bar. Judging by the crowd there last night, it has obviously been open for a while and already the favorite watering hole of many Brooklynites.

The bar is called Union Hall, on Union street in Park Slope. Just walking in, I knew I would love it by the way it was decorated like a cozy den or study. I've always dreamed of having a room like this in my house and if I ever own a house, will definitely make that dream come true. Despite the cozy atmosphere, the bar is large enough to sport two bocce ball courts in the back.

The menu offers a good selection of beer on tap, bottled, and even in cans (Seth was excited about the cans of PBR). The food is a step above the average bar menu (by average bar menu I mean wings and baskets of fries) but not as pretentious as tapas.

Another important prerequisite for favorite bars of mine are the bathrooms and again Union Hall scored high in this department. There's a large communal sink room with a good amount of private toilet rooms located on the basement level. Kelly, my drinking buddy and avid smoker, was pleased with the side patio area that allowed her to smoke without feeling the shame of standing out on the sidewalk.

The cost, in my opinion, is low for NYC. There were three of us, until Seth left for work, and we had several rounds of drinks (at least 6) and plates of food and the bill was still under $100.

All in all, I couldn't be happier with my new favorite bar and best of all, its a relatively short stumble from home. Who's up for happy hour today?

Rock-o-Matic: Final Four

This week I'm posting the top four songs (by listen count) from my iTunes. And I'm curious what your top four songs are. Jeff, has the Mae West song made it to #1 yet? More importantly this weekend is the Final Four. I was done once North Carolina lost. Stupid Tar Heels. It was also my yearly reminder why I shouldn't gamble.

I would have done a Top 5 but the fifth song is DRM protected so I can't share it. Damn you copyright technology!!

-Josh

Fischerspooner - A Kick in the Teeth
Thom Yorke - Harrowdown Hill
Pulp - Babies
Ladytron - Destroy Everything You Touch

Finally! A News Site That I Can Trust

The only newspaper that I have read in the past 10 years, The Onion, has just announced a new online video newscast, Onion News Network, or ONN. It's just like the newspaper but with video!

My New Profile Pic.

I've been meaning to add a profile picture to my blog for a while. I have one in mind that involves the Trouble Bubble but will require some photoshopping. Since I'm too lazy, I mean busy, to do the photoshop work, I've decided to use random and frequently updated pictures.

The first is a picture of me and a Stormtrooper. I'm not going to explain the story behind this one but instead will leave it up to your imaginations and/or comments.

My Inner Geek

The Bluetooth Laser Virtual Keyboard is a Bluetooth enabled virtual keyboard and quite possibly, the coolest computer accessory on the market. This device projects a keyboard on any flat surface, which you can then type on just like the old-fashioned 3D version. This virtual keyboard features an added reality aspect as it produces simulated key click sounds. The Virtual Keyboard is compatible with most Bluetooth enabled devices such as PDAs and mobile phones and is available now at ThinkGeek.com for $180.

Why I Don't Go Out to The Movies

I finally saw 300 last night. I won't bother discussing the movie because I imagine by now you've either seen it or have read about it on a dozen other blogs. All I will say about the film is that I enjoyed it but was underwhelmed.

The reason I waited so long to see it is because I hate going to the movies. Don't get me wrong, I love movies I just can't stand dealing with the crowds at movie theaters. I don't mean that to come across in some freaky, misanthropic way, its just that the crowds themselves are usually dominated by rude, loud, jackasses who end up ruining the movie for me.

Even though we waited three weeks to see 300, the 6:30 show at the Imax theater was still packed. While watching the tepid interchanges between seat seekers and those who felt that their coats and bags deserved their own seats, I got to thinking that there are generally two types of New Yorkers. On the one side there are people who realize that we all live, work and play in this city together. That doesn't mean you have to like everyone but simply treat each other with a little common decency.

And at the other end of the spectrum, you have people who act as if they are completely oblivious to the fact that they live in a crowded city. These are the people who carry giant, golf-course sized umbrellas on the streets when it rains or instantly push onto a crowded train when the doors open rather than stepping aside and letting the passengers exit first. You can often find these people stopping directly at the top of escalators and stairwells even when their are crowds behind and trying to get someplace and they are also likely to push the "door close" button when they enter elevators and see another person heading for it. The worst examples of this type can be found at the movie theater. They bring infants and small children to horror movies and take mobile phone calls during the movie. I was at a movie a few years ago when a man took several calls and never once left the theater or lowered his voice but chatted away as if he was in his living room. He then had the added nerve to get angry at the other people in the theater for asking him to be quiet.

I figured out last night that whenever Seth & I go to a movie, we are spending at least $40 and that's if we just grab a slice of pizza rather than full dinner. There are at least 10 movies coming out this year that I want to see, which means about $400 we will spending. I decided last night to take that money and use it for a good home surround sound system to go with our large screen TV. That'll show those loud-mouthed bastards at the theater!

Funniest Headline of the Day

I read two headlines today that really made me laugh.

The runner up is:
"Ian Thorpe Is Still Not Gay". I guess the author expects that to change some day.

The wining headline is:
"Woman Hospitalized After Eating Single Bite Of Tainted Dog Food". Apparently this woman was trying to get her dog to eat his food so she took a bite not knowing she had a batch of that contaminated pet food. I know, that description doesn't sound as funny as the headline but don't worry, the lady is fine now. The actual story reprinted on The Consumerist is worth a read, check out the woman's syptoms.