I Can't Work Under These Conditions

This morning I came into the office to find a stream of water running along my window sill. Notice the blue can on the sill collecting the steady drip? It makes a lovely noise each time the water lands in it.

I know, we are in the midst or record-breaking rain fall but since when does the city come to a halt because of rain? The mayor is holding press conferences and emergency shelters are being set up. Now the roof in my office is leaking and this is a new building! Jeez! Get it together New York or I'm going back to bed until this is all figured out.

Shall Wii Play A Game

I didn't think after last week's first "Shall Wii Play A Game" that I would be able to get anyone over to my place for another game night, knowing that pictures would be going up here. Well, I was wrong and on Saturday night and into the wii hours of Sunday morning, Adam, Kelly & Jen joined Seth & I for boxing, bowling, tennis and golf.

I'm no stranger to waking up Sunday morning with mystery bruises and pains but I can honestly say a Saturday night of boxing was never the cause. Even today, I have aches in muscles I didn't know existed. Critics say that video games don't provide real physical activity but as an accomplished non-athlete, I can tell you this past weekend was the most exercise I've had in a long time.

In one corner Jesus, in the other corner Adam as the crowd watches in amazement!

Kelly leads off for lady's league night.

Jen "The Body" and her fists of fury.

Seth and his strike-winning bowling stance.

I have no idea what I'm doing here.

PS. I'm happy to report that despite playing Wii for over six hours and steadily drinking the whole time, not one of us accidentally threw, dropped or impaled anyone on the Wii-remote.

Saturday the 14th

I've never been so glad to be alive! My name is Tina and I'm the only survivor of a group of kids who went camping last night.

Me and a few friends were throwing a surprise birthday party for our friend, Michael, but he and his girlfriend, Jane, never even showed up. At first we didn't think much off it and we even met another group of campers who we hung out and partied with. Around midnight, Paul and Terri went for a walk and never came back so two of the other campers, Jeff and Seth went to find them. We never saw them again. Andy tried to keep the party going by entertaining us with juggling and walking on his hands. That's when the psycho macheted him in half. Me and Jake took off running towards the lake but the psycho caught Jake and put a cleaver in his face. I got to the lake where I found Vera with a spear through her eye and that annoying guy Shelly lying in a pool of his own blood. I hopped in a raft and paddled out to the middle of the lake where I fell asleep until the cops woke me up this morning.

They never found the killer, which means he is still out there somewhere in the wilderness of Prospect Park.

Rock-o-Matic: Brit Trash

Here in Los Angeles we're going UK crazy what with the arrival of the Beckhams and Tesco later this year. I've even started adding a superfluous "u" to words that don't need them, such as "colour," "rumour," "mum," and " humour". What a waste of a good vowel. Today my selection of songs comes from deep within my embarrassing collection of British throw-away pop. These songs never make it to our shores but make it to number 1 in the UK. How odd. As per usual, I urge you to delete these songs immediately after downloading. Don't even listen to them, lest they infect you.

Former Spice Girl Mel C (Sporty) has a singing career in the UK. Who knew?
Mel C - Closer

I bought this CD in China for 10 cents. After S Club 7 grew up, they replaced them with 8 kids.
S Club 8 - Fool No More

I think Girls Aloud is a pop creation from a TV show, kind of like that Pussycat Dolls tv show.
Girls Aloud - Biology

The video for this song is hilarity. I think this is another group formed by TV show.
Phixx - Hold on Me

Pure awfulness.
-Josh

Weekend Plans

Today Seth and I are going to grab our camping gear, roll a couple of marijuana cigarettes and ask our buxom friend with the feathered back hair to pick us, and a few other 30-something-year-olds-playing-the-part-of-teenagers, up in her windowless van. Then we are all going to drive to that wooded spot in Prospect Park, where all the locals have warned us not to go, for a camp-out. We used Google Earth to find the most secluded area so it should be great! We'll roast marshmallows, skinny dip, tell ghost stories, score some tail and be back safe and sound tomorrow.


Our fat, dimwitted friend, Barry, just dropped out of the trip so if anyone wants to join us, just hitch-hike to the greasy spoon near the park. From there you can walk to our camping spot. A little advice if you are going to hitch-hike, wear something revealing and show a lot of leg.

Check back tomorrow for some pictures of our totally cool camping trip.

Television's One-Hit Wonders

Like most Americans 18 to 35 years old, I loved the first season of Lost. It was imaginative, compulsive and a word I rarely use to describe anything on tv - original. Then the second season happened and aside from the ridiculously irregular schedule the show aired on, it just wasn't as good (I know, stating the obvious). So now we are approaching the end of season three and after watching last week's episode (I'm one week behind), I think the show has gone from great to mildly entertaining to complete piece of shit.

On last week's episode, the character Juliet actually told Kate that she (Kate) "Broke Jack's heart." Are you kidding me!? Ignoring the fact that these characters have only know each other for three months (the amount of time Hurley says they have been on the island in the same episode), which hardly seems like enough time to fall so madly in love with a stranger that they are able to "break your heart", what person out of middle school actually uses that expression? It's as if the show is now being written by Harlequin authors. And another thing, in season one's flashback scenes Kate is able to beat the crap out of anyone that gets in her way, walk away from horrible car accidents and leap tall buildings in a single bound but in last week's episode she couldn't even get the drop on Juliet with a surprise attack using a pool stick as a weapon.

Kate isn't the only character that seems to be going through a big pussyfication. Lately Sawyer and Hurley are the island's own Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis and don't get me started on Locke. What the hell happened to that character? He went from Indiana Jones MacGyver to Rain Man.

Of course being the sucker that I am I'll watch the rest of this season. But unless something drastic happens, and I don't mean another electromagnetic explosion, I mean some decent character writing, I won't bother to find Lost when the next season begins.

Working For The Weekend

I'm having one of those days where I'm too busy to blog (stupid job, always getting in the way). So I decided rather than writing something I would post this adorable picture of my cat, Kiki, wearing my hat.



Oh yeah, and because it makes me laugh, another one of Seth playing Wii.

Shall Wii Play A Game

Last night Kitty came over for our semi-regular video game night. I had such a good laugh watching both Kitty and Seth playing WarioWare that I decided to start a new tradition and blog post of pictures of people when they come over to play Wii. Hopefully I'll still have friends who want to come over and play after this post.

Up first, our guest last night, Kitty!



Kitty is followed by my co-host and cohort, Seth!



And just to prove that I can take it as well as give it, one of me.

What Will They Think of Next?

I'd pay money to see some tool walking down the street with these things on their head. As if the appearance isn't ridiculous enough, everyone would be able to read what you are listening to.

The Pop-O-Matic Bar Report

Despite the fact that the weather remains winterish, my biological booze clock is fully aware that we should be in prime happy hour season. Spring is supposed to be that thin sliver of perfect going out weather when you can head to the bar sans jacket but still strut down the street without worrying about working up a sweat. These are supposed to be the days that are too nice to go home straight from work and you are expected to do your duty as a New Yorker by exploring happy hour discount prices.

Well screw you confused mother nature! I'm going out anyway.

Yester-happy-hour I whet my whistle at Flatbush Farm in Brooklyn. This large single room bar with adjoining separate restaurant and outdoor patio is designed to resemble an upstate farm house with modern, urban appeal. While the mixture of styles sounds a little odd, the Farm pulls it off nicely and the result is a casual and classy atmosphere.

But how are the drinks you might ask? They're Great! The bar features an eclectic and interesting beer selection plus several tasty cocktails such as the Mo' Stomy made with ginger juice, ginger ale, dark rum, mint and lime. Mmm Good.

I didn't get around to trying the food but with items such as tempura onion rings and fries with herb mayoniase, I'm fixing to remedy that soon.

From Today's Headlines

If you have visited this site before you know I rarely, if ever, discuss anything happening in the world of politics or news. That's Entertainment Tonight's job, not mine.

I have been hearing a lot about the recent controversy surrounding some comments that Imus (whoever the hell that is) made on the radio (do people still listen to non-satellite radio). And while I have no idea what he said, I have a question of my own. Is Imus alive or is he actually dead and just being manipulated by a couple of low level radio employees, one of whom is looking to get ahead while the other is just out for fun, ala Weekend At Bernie's I mean come on, look at this picture of him. I've seen healthier and more lively faces at wakes and I'm talking about the guests of honor.

Always Something There To Remind Me

I'm working on a new theory that states "People who wear too much cologne or perfume probably live alone".

The premise of this theory is that if they lived with someone else, that person would warn them in the morning of their over zealous odor deployment.

"Honey, you smell like a French whore house. Don't you think you went a little overboard on the perfume?"

or,

"Babe, I haven't smelled that much cologne since attending that Drakar party in 1985."

Don't get me wrong, I think having a signature sent is great. But here are a few olefactory facts to keep in mind:

1. You don't want to leave an odor wake 40 feet behind you.
2. Your aromatic aura shouldn't remain in an elevator 50 floors after you have left.
3. Having your reputation proceed you is good. Having your scent proceed you is not.
4. An average size bottle of perfume or cologne should last longer than one week.

And keep the following in mind when applying your scent each morning. A little dab will do you but downright dousing will doom you.

Calling All Bakers

You have 6 weeks to figure out how to make this cake for my birthday. Whoever comes through with said cake (or approximation of) will have the honor and title of Jeff's-Best-Friend-For-The-Year!


Since the cake in the picture was done for a wedding, you can feel free to take creative liberties with the topper. However, I don't want a sugar me with Princess Peach because she gets on my nerves.

Please note, no clever non-edible versions will be accepted. This must be a real yummy cake.

New Profile Picture

My hunt for the perfect profile picture continues.

You Rock!

There are a bunch of expressions that I intensely dislike hearing and go out of my way to avoid saying. A few examples are "I'm loving it", "Now that's what I'm talking about!", and any expression that uses the word "bling". It's pretty hard to watch Reality TV without hearing one or all of these expressions repeatedly.

Another expression that doesn't bother me quite as much but I still choose not to use it is "Party like rockstars!" So it pains me a little to admit, that's the expression that can best sum up our weekend trip to PA.


I don't mean to imply that we lit a whisky soaked hotel room on fire, beat up a shark or snorted someone's dad. But, from the time we arrived at Bessie's house Friday night until leaving yesterday afternoon, somebody was playing the game, Guitar Hero 2.

If you've never played I highly recommend that you start. This game is just as much fun to watch someone else play as it is to play yourself. And while drinking isn't required, the more booze you add to the mix, the better the performances become for the audience. Now that's what I'm talking about!

Final Friday Thoughts

I think Jesus disappeared or died or something at 3 on good Friday (as if they were even using the same method of telling time that we use today). So I decided that 3 is a good time for me to leave work.

Me and some of the New York gang are heading to West Chester PA, this weekend to visit with the Philly gang so it should be a great weekend with lots to blog about come Monday.

Have a good weekend everybody!

Where Are These Idiots

I feel like every day there's a new product released to combat (what judging by the amount of products must be the greatest threat to home safety) the dreaded Nintendo Wiimote strap issue.

Are that many people really flinging their Wiimotes into each other and their TVs? I have never dropped, flung or injured someone with my Wiimote and I'm usually half in the bag when I play Wii. If people don't have the simplest of motor skills - the ability to hold something in the hand - then they probably aren't going to be very good at any Wii games. So just save yourself some money and play checkers.

Here Beer!

I just read about this beer cozy pager (pictured). Apparently, the cozy has something embedded in it so when you press the button on the remote, the cozy belches.

I guess the idea behind the device is locating your lost beer. I though this sounded like a great idea at first but then it occurred to me, I never loose my beer. I may loose my dignity, my self respect and even my pants but I never loose my beer.

Overheard In Old New York

Red headed lady: "Some people are cut out for champagne and caviar. I'm more of the beer and pretzel type."

-- The Mertz's apartment.

Ben & Jerry To The Rescue (UPDATE)

So what if the government is screwing you and you owe $3,000 in taxes this month. Ben & Jerry's is giving away free ice cream on tax day!

By the way, in case you don't already know, tax day is April 17 this year (thanks Rita for telling me). If you are anything like me, a procrastinator, you might want to stop off at your local participating Ben & Jerry's shop on the way to stand in line at the post office on the 17th.

UPDATE: Don't order the Country Peach Cobbler!