Whatever Happened to The Dancing Baby

I know this has been everywhere already but some friends I was with last night hadn't seen it yet and it still makes me laugh (yes, I'm evil) so here it is again.

UPDATE: There is now a great parody of this video floating around the internets. Check it out at You Tube

Responsible Drinking Wednesdays

I'm proud(?) to report that last Wednesday's responsible drinking happy hour wasn't just a fluke. Last night I joined Seth, Cyndi, Kelly, Adam, and Jen down on the Farm for happy hour. Between the group, we had some great beers, wonderful wine, delicious cocktails, and amazing food all of which, complimented the lively conversation among good friends. Who would have guessed that my friends and I could have so much fun without getting shit-faced? This is new territory for me.

Fear not fellow booze hounds, winos, and beer sluts because I'm not going soft. Like last week, I will more than make up for one night of responsible drinking with four completely irresponsible evenings. In fact, tonight should prove to be a good old fashioned liquor appreciation fest as Seth & I have tickets for Kiki & Herb at the Knitting Factory. Check back tomorrow for a full recap at some point in the day depending on my hangover.

The Most Important Film You Have Never Seen

A long time ago (the 90's I think), in a galaxy far far away (West Chester, PA), a group of energetic young people, high on life, booze and rubber cement, joined together to form HiFive Productions. This talented group would go on to make an epic short film titled 'Bango'!

The film became an instant sensation among everyone lucky enough to view it at one of the many exclusive showings. Bango-mania swept the land and fans instantly began clamoring for more. Unfortunately the film's makers moved on to solo projects and divergent paths but the dream of reuniting to create 'Bango Two' was never far from their minds.

Several years ago, the emails and coffee shops were all a buzz that the sequel was finally in the works when the following teaser appeared.



To date, Bango Two, has yet to be made but all original members of HiFive Productions were recently spotted together in West Chester, PA. We can only hope and launch a petition that Bango Two is finally in the works.

Weekend Wedding Recap!

With all the weddings I've been to over the past year (I've lost count at the moment), I feel like attending weddings is my new hobby. Fortunately, this new hobby goes well with my favorite past time - drinking various beers, wine, and cocktails. I've actually gotten spoiled with all the open bar events I've been to over the past few months.

This past weekend was my cousin Barbara's wedding. This was the first wedding to take place in my family's hometown area of Philly. As usual, we had a blast and I always enjoy any chance to party with my family. I'm fortunate to have a fun family who all enjoy drinking as much (some even more) than me. I guess it's proof that the grape doesn't fall far from the vine.

Congratulations Barbara and Jim!

Your Man On The Inside

Fact: A majority of my friends and readers don't live in New York City.
Fact: Lots of TV shows and movies use New York City as both a backdrop and often a character. Therefore I've decide to start a new post, "Your Man On The Inside", where I will dispel the rumors that Hollywood would have you believe about New York City.

Item #1: If you had watched a recent episode of 'Ugly Betty' you might believe that "The Middle Ages" theme restaurant exists in the heart of Times Square. I have to admit, I avoid Times Square like the plague but if this theme restaurant exists, its new to me. The closest thing to a middle ages theme restaurant in Times Square that I'm aware of would have to be the ESPN Zone. With two giant shishkebob skewers flanking the doorway and MoCap Boxing events inside, this place is just as barbaric as a pack of Huns. So please, non-New Yorkers, don't plan your next vacation to New York City with hopes of taking in a staged joust and eating mutton chops because it doesn't exist, at least not outside of Staten Island.

Super Happy Terrific Products

I blogged about this on one of the sites I write for and had to share with all of you in case you haven't seen it yet.

It's a Darth Vader phone! When it rings, it plays Vader's Imperial March, which, for some reason is always stuck in my head when I walk down the street. Apparently Darth's head turns back and forth while the phone rings.

I know, I know - nerd alert! But I love goofy crap like this!

The Morning After

Unfortunately I had no qualified applicants toss their names into the hat for the position of my unpaid intern biographer. In fact, the closest applicant was Adam's suggestion of a monkey stenographer but all the monkey stenographers I spoke to were looking for room and board as payment for their stenographic talents.

It is highly likely that someone showed up at the Farm last night to apply for the job in person, however, rather than propping up my usual corner, which I said I would be doing, we decided to sit outback in the garden so said applicants wouldn't have known where to find me.

With yesterday's likely missed connection in mind and owing to that fact that my apartment isn't large enough for two "adults", two insane cats AND a monkey, who may or may not have a drinking problem, I had to go with option #1 and drink responsibly (just writing those words makes me shudder).

Here's the real kick in the pants - it was fun! I had several pints of beer rather than the ridiculous amount of vodka I usually tend towards, a lovely meal as opposed to simply considering the limes that garnish my drink dinner, and we topped the evening off with home made limoncellos instead of my usual "just one more" that turns into five.

I was home at a decent hour and feel great today! I think I may have inadvertently stumbled upon the perfect Wednesday happy hour. Although, I'm sure I'll drink more than enough this weekend to make up for last night's responsible imbibing, especially considering I'll be hanging with my family at a wedding, I'm already looking forward to next week's responsible Wednesday. Unless of course I find that intern then it's business as usual.

My New Profile Pic.

I figured with today's summer-like weather it was time for a profile picture to match the season. This latest picture is mii playing tennis.

Amazing Stories

I was thinking last night that I should use this blog for telling more stories. I feel like I have traveled to a number of faraway places, seen and done some unique things and even met many interesting people. While thinking back on these adventures and outings, it occurred to me that a majority of my stories involve everyone having a lot to drink and me subsequently not recalling exactly how most of the stories end.

I decided that I needed to change something in order to ensure recalling my future exploits and journeys. At first I thought giving up drinking would be a good idea but then where would I go and who would join me? I'm not even sure what options there are in this city that don't involve drinking. I'm assuming the library doesn't have a bar but I can't really socialize with friends there because of the silence thing. The movies are alcohol free (which is why I never go without my flask) but
I can't handle going to a movie theater more than a few times a year. I suppose there is always uh, well, er, I can't think of anything else to do that doesn't involve drinking.

So then I thought I should just become one of those people that doesn't drink but still enjoys hanging out with their friends who do drink. I think in the suburbs they call these people "designated drivers" or "recovered alcoholics". But if I were to stay sober while all my friends got tanked, I'd just be exploiting my friends drunkenness for the sake of my blog and I could never do that to my friends.

Obviously neither of the above options are going to work so I've come up with two alternatives, which I plan to test the next time I'm out with friends. Alternative #1 is to pace myself and master the art of the pleasant buzz. Alternative #2 is to hire an official biographer to accompany me whenever I leave the apartment or have friends over. Unfortunately, I'm not really in the position to pay this person so it will have to be more of an unpaid internship rather than a paying job but I think the rewards will be worth it.

As luck would have it, I have happy hour plans this evening so I'll be able to test out one of my two alternatives. Please email me or post a comment if you are interested in the internship position or just show up at the Flatbush Farm around 5:30 and look for me at the end of the bar by the door. If I don't get any emails from interested parties and no one shows up at the bar, I'll have to try to try alternative #1.

In any event, check back tomorrow because I'll be able to give you a full recounting of the evening either through buzzed first hand account or biographer's second hand retelling.

Fear The Future

One day last week while working from home, I made the mistake of running a few errands on 7th Avenue in Park Slope at the same time the local schools were letting out. If Whitney Houston is correct and the children are the future, we are all in a lot of trouble. I have never seen so many fat, sluggish, foul-mouthed, street urchins in one place and those were probably the honor role kids. I don't mean to sound like an old curmudgeon who complains all day and thinks the current generation are a bunch of slackers. I'm sure when I was in grade school I never made some older person feel that the future was in good hands. But these kids, who looked to be in their mid thirties, were coming out of what I think is a junior high school and were a frightening lot to behold.

Brooklyn Bound

After yesterday's Verizon snafu, which still hasn't been corrected - I'm working from home this morning then running into Manhattan for a meeting then home again where we have Internet - I can finally tell you about my weekend. Friday is a little hazy but on Saturday, I joined Jen and Kitty for a Brooklyn expedition. Fellow Park Sloper, Kitty, and I met Jen on Smith Street in what I think is Boerum Hill. We then took a leisurely stroll through historic Brooklyn Heights on our way to the waterfront.


We walked along the waterfront and through the streets leading up to the Brooklyn Bridge.


Then explored the streets of DUMBO ...



.. and then made our way to the Manhattan Bridge.


Once we reached the Manhattan we decided it was time for a beverage and headed to Superfine for a quick drink.


We would have stayed a while at Superfine but it was time to head to our ultimate destination of the day - Trout in Boerum Hill (I think that's where the bar is located). Not that my friends and I ever need an excuse to drink but seeing as how it was May 5th or "Cinco de Mayo" as they call it south of the border, we figured it was the perfect excuse to drink. I really got into the spirit of the day by drinking Corona. At some point, Kelly and Seth joined us at Trout and we all proceeded to get pleasantly drunk.


After an undisclosed amount of time, we figured a change of scenery was in order and headed back to Kelly's place where Adam was entertaining people with accents. I never figured out if they were from London or New York. I'm going to assume that by this point in the night, the battery on my camera had died because there are no pictures to document the goings on. Chances are good that we all sat around sipping cordials and brandy and discussing travel, art and world events until Seth, Kitty and I decided it best to politely make our exit and return to Park Slope.

Technical Difficulties

Once again, thanks to the ineptitude of Verizon DSL, we have no interwebs at my office. I was forced to resort to using the telephone in order to communicate with people. What is this, 'Little House on the Prairie'?

For anyone that doesn't know, Verizon DSL is a separate company from Verizon Wireless or other Verizon services. The sole purpose, service and reason for Verizon DSL to exist is to provide DSL Internet connections. Today is the second day in less than a week and sixth time in less than a year that Verizon DSL was unable to deliver DSL service to my office.

Sorry to rant about this it's just very frustrating. So now, I'm back home and can return you to your regularly scheduled pop-o-matic posting (already in progress):

... and that's how I got crabs from Madonna.

Ashamed Of Myself

I can't believe I'm going to publicly admit this but, I'm listening to my old iPod and The Macarena just came on.

WTF

I was strolling through Union Square yesterday when I happened upon this scene. Does anyone know what the hell this is all about?

Rock-o-Matic: Covers

I need a new wallet. I like this wallet. My birthday is May 22nd. I'm just saying.

This week I take a look in my digital collection of covers. Here are some of the worst.

I once owned the vinyl record where Frank Sinatra sang Mrs. Robinson. I played it for friends and delighted them so. It takes whatever meaning the original had, sucks it out and spits it into a martini glass.

Frank Sinatra - Mrs. Robinson

Of all the things that are awful on my iPod, this is one of the worst. And I love David Bowie, so no doubt hearing him and Marianne Faithful plod through this cover of Sonny & Cher's "I Got You Babe" really hurt. The YouTube video puts visuals to this disaster masterpiece.

David Bowie w/ Marianne Faithful - I Got You Babe

Lastly, this is a random download that turned out well. I need to find a used record store that sells recordings of high school choirs from the 1960s and 70s. Comedy gold. This is a cover of the Burt Bacharach hit, recorded by Dionne Warwick.

Torrance High School (1970) - I'll Never Fall In Love Again

-josh

Genius At Work #5

Occasionally I have ideas that I think can make the world a better place to live in. Lacking the manufacturing capabilities to bring my ideas to fruition, they usually go to waste in my mind. So I've decided to post my ideas here in the hopes that some mega corporation will stumble across them and throw bucket loads of cash at me to turn these ideas into reality. Of course, the mega corporations will probably just steal my ideas and screw me but at least I'll have the proof to back up my "hey that was my idea" rantings.

I can't imagine working for a company that forced me to wear a suit every day. I don't mind occasionally wearing one, as long as it isn't July, but I refuse to wear neckties. With that said, however, I have to admit there is one major advantage to wearing suits - it makes getting dressed really easy. All you have to do is pick the suit plus a shirt to match and presto chango! You are ready to go.

When you can wear whatever you want to work, within tasteful limits, choosing what to wear becomes a little more difficult. I'm not trendy or big on fashion but I want to make sure that I leave the apartment every day wearing something that matches and doesn't make me look like a fool. The problem is that's easier said than done.

So here is my latest invention - the Daily Recommending Ensemble Service or DRES. DRES is a web-based application that resides on your desktop like a daily weather widget. You begin customizing DRES by creating categories, such as work, nightlife, restaurant (fancy) restaurant (casual), then enter the UPC number from your clothes into the system (one way to make this process easier would be a USB scanner). Using the UPC number, the DRES will locate your clothing on the interewebs and store a picture with details in your virtual closet.

Whenever you need an outfit, simply open DRES and select a category then DRES will recommend a full ensemble from undies to jacket and everything in between. The beauty of DRES is that it's web-enabled so whatever it suggests will be tailored to the weather forecast for that day.

Other added features include the ensemble memory system which will store your previous ensembles to make sure you don't wear the same thing twice in one week or ever in front of particular people (this could be very handy when dating so that you never wear a repeat outfit). Additionally, your DRES will frequently scan the internets and let you know when clothing items you may be interested in are on sale.

So there's my idea. Now who wants to buy it and produce it (hopefully soon because I'm tired of dressing myself)?

Super Happy Terrific Products

A few months ago I posted about the liquid decanting flip-flops or "booze-flops as I like to call them. Well check out these new additions to the James Bond Summer Fun line - secret compartment flip-flops. Whereas the idea of drinking something that came out of my shoe was both titillating and revolting, these little numbers actually look like a great idea. Just imagine being at the beach and not having to resort to the tip of your sneaker for stashing your valuables (Yes, we all know you put your money, license and keys in your shoe before running into the waves).

Rest Easy

I can only imagine how worried everyone was yesterday by the fact that I didn't post at all. You can call off the search party, stop dragging the lake and cancel the APB. I'm fine. I was doing my civic duty by sitting in a room all day keeping my fingers crossed that I wouldn't get chosen for jury duty.

My morning started a little frenzied since I completely forgot that I had to report for jury duty. It was only while frantically searching for my check book to write this month's rent check that I came across the jury summons that I received a few weeks ago and promptly put out of mind. The reason I was frantically searching for my checkbook was because I forgot today was the first of the month. It was only as I was lying in bed staring at the clock and wondering how many more times I could hit snooze that I noticed my clock also displays the date and today it was showing 5/1. Convinced that the clock was mistaken, I got up to turn on the TV to double check and sure enough, the clock was right. So next came the frantic search and subsequent jury discovery.

I took the fastest shower of my life and was out the door without stopping to google the Brooklyn court house to find out where I was going. The summons was kind enough to tell me which train would put me in the general vicinity of where I was to report but no further directions were given. I found a coffee vendor, which was also very important to find, and he gave me directions to the building I needed to go to. As soon as I made it to the first turning point in his directions, I realized I hadn't paid a bit of attention to anything he told me other than which way to walk once I left his kart. It occurred to me while looking for someone else official looking, like an officer, person wearing some sort of civil identification or another coffee vendor that I have a bad habit of doing that. I'm not one of those guys that refuses to ask for directions, I just don't pay attention when the directions are being relayed.

Eventually, after asking two more people for directions, I made it to the building and room where I would be spending the rest of my day. I actually had a lovely day with a window seat and a good book and when all was said and done, I don't have to worry about jury duty for another six years.

Shall Wii Play A Game

For the first time in over a month, we didn't have any late night Wii parties at our place over the weekend. I'm sure my neighbors appreciated that. Instead, we had a Wii-fest at Kelly and Monkey Deamon's house last Thursday then on Saturday I joined Kitty and her husband for the classic arcade stylings of Robotron. I haven't come across any pictures from Thursday night, although, I could swear I took some. I was also convinced that there was a ghost at Kelly's apartment so who knows what actually happened. In any event, following are some pics of me and Kitty saving the last family from evil robots. Enjoy!

Life Lessons

I've learned more from Hollywood than I ever learned in School. For example, Hollywood has taught me that I should never leave New York City. Following is a list of places, which Hollywood has taught me I should never find myself in.

Place - Hollywood's lesson

Brazil - Touristas
Columbia - Romancing The Stone
Texas - Texas Chainsaw Masacre
Tatooine- Star Wars
Geidi Prime - Dune
Camp Crystal Lake - Friday The 13th
India - The Amazing Race
The North Atlantic Ocean - Titanic
Central Africa - Blood Diamond
North Africa - Casablanca
The Appalachian Mountains - The Descent
Raccoon City - Resident Evil
Thermopylae - The 300
Mexico City - I don't need Hollywood to scare me of this place.
Kansas - The Wizard of Oz
Harlem - The Wiz