pop-o-matic Bar Report

Occasionally here on pop-o-matic, I like to share my ideas of a good bar for you to whet your whistle at. But why should anyone bother listening to my opinions and take my bar reviews into account when choosing a bar to visit? Where do I get off suggesting a place that you may or may not enjoy?

Well I'll tell you my friend.

The fact is I have spent a lot of time visiting bars, saloons, taverns and pubs. I've been in front of the bar, on top of a bar and behind the bar. When I say behind the bar, I don't just mean sticking my head under a tap when the bar keep wasn't watching but rather, I tended bar during college.

Throughout my years frequenting bars I developed the following list of requirements and considerations, which I employ when evaluating a drinking establishment. If a place can provide most of my list then I then pass that info on to you in the form of a half-assed review here on pop-o-matic.

1. The establishment must serve booze! Before you leave this page in disgust over what seems like such an obvious requirement that the rest of this list will probably suck, let me explain. I don't know about you, but I can't claim to have visited every bar in the world. Its a big world and I'm sure there are some places where the people may define an establishment, such as a coffee house, as a bar. I imagine in other parts of the world, perhaps Utah, there are even bars that serve nothing buy soft drinks. Rest assured, if I ever find myself in one of these frightening locations, you will not read about it in the pop-o-matic Bar Report.

2. Does the libation location poses ample seating or at least enough room to claim an area with plenty of leaning options while not getting bounced about by crowds. I'll admit it, I'm lazy. I like to sit while I drink. If I can't sit, I at least want to be able to lean on something or put my foot up on the rung of somebodies chair, as long as that somebody is part of my party. If I have to stand around without support of any kind, you can bet I won't be staying for more than two beers.

3. What does the bar look like? I can have fun at any drinking establishment from the diveiest hole in the wall to the latest Schragar hotel lobby concept but there better be something for me to look at. I don't care if the drinking room has a collection of dust that began settling before prohibition or a diving tank mounted behind the bar with people in mermaid costumes swimming under water, there better be something interesting about the bar's decor.

4. Aside from me and my drunken friends, what sort of entertainment does the place provide? Juke-boxes are ideal, especially if it's like the one at Yogi's on the Upper West Side. Bands are great, TVs are nice, and even the bartender's iPod plugged into the speaker system will do. There just has to be some sort of background noise other than the people in the bar.

5. What's the crowd like? I certainly wouldn't want to limit my going out experiences to places that strictly serve a clientele of me clones. However, I would no sooner willingly enter a bar full of neo-Nazis as I would a bar packed with bankers. I like a good mix of people who are all out with the same goal - to have a good time without interfering in anyone elses good time. I rarely, if ever, strike up a conversation with strangers but some of the best times I've had in bars have been when when my group ends up hanging out with another fun group or person at the bar.

Now that you know my criteria, I'd like to introduce a new section of the pop-o-matic Bar Report, where I will tell you about a bar you should never go to. This was actually Jenni B's idea and it was born after a particularly terrible happy hour last week.

The bar is the Bryant Park Cafe located in Bryant Park. Yes, the establishment serves booze but that's about all it has to offer of my requirements. This place was packed to the gills last Tuesday, which resulted in a complete lack of seating or leaning, unless you include being propped up by the crowd as leaning (I don't). If there was music I couldn't hear it over the crowd and that's where the bar received it's biggest strike in my book. There seemed to be two main factions of people here - giudos and Wall St. types. In all my years of public drinking, I've never experienced an odder dichotomy of people or larger gap between myself and the rest of the crowd.

So for all these reasons and more, I have to advise you to steer clear of the Bryant Park Cafe.

I Like A Short Week

I'm finally back after an extra long holiday weekend. As I mentioned last week, Seth & I spent the weekend down south on the Potomac river. Aside from all that clean air reeking havoc with my allergies, we had a blast. Now that we are back, I need to take a vacation from booze for a while, well at least until the weekend.

I hope everyone had as much fun as we did over the weekend. Now that Memorial day has come don't forget the start of white pants season has arrived so wear them if you got them!

I'll fill you in on drunken weekend stories as I remember them. In the meantime, after playing hooky for the past few days, I've got a lot of work waiting for me on my desk, including this giant box from Hasbro's PR firm. The box is filled with the full set of Transformers products for the upcoming movie and I have a lot of transforming to get to work on.

Everybody's Working For the Weekend

Hey Gang,

I'm sneaking out of town for the weekend early. Seth and I are heading to the fascist state of Virginia to spend the weekend with his family who live on the coast of the Potomac river. I imagine we will be drunk and on a boat for most of the weekend so I don't know if I'll be blogging again until we return to civilization.

Until then, here's another picture from last Saturday, that I find very entertaining. Enjoy the picture and have a wonderful long weekend!

Fulton Mall hair haiku challenge

As most of my friends know, I love a good haiku. Well today, Colleen of cokane's bloggery, is running a haiku challenge. Check it out at the following:

cokane's bloggery: Fulton Mall hair haiku challenge

Funniest Headline of the Day

Not really a headline but I saw a bumper sticker on a car this morning that read:

"Clinton ruined a dress, Bush ruined a nation"

Super Happy Terrific Products

Finally! The perfect gift for my smoking friends who have expressed an interest in quitting.


This jacket (pictured above) is actually an art project created by Fiona Carswell. The jacket contains an area that smokers can breathe their smoke directly into rather than exhaling into someones face or apartment (cough, cough, Jen & Kelly). The smoke then filters through the jacket into a pair of see-through lung images that immediately turn red and then gradually blacken over time.

It's May 23rd! Do You Know What That Means?

That's right, its Fleet Week!


This is the annual week when the US Navy drops its anchor in our harbor and the men and women come ashore in their cute Popeye uniforms looking for tattoos and hookers. So if you see a confused seamen, seawomen, or seamonkey wandering around, stop and ask if they need a hand.

Happy Birthday!

Celebrating their birthdays today are Pop-O-Matic's Rock-O-Matic contributor - Josh, the always ready to rock - Rita and rock's brooding bad boy - Morrissey! I'm going to assume they are celebrating together even though Josh is in LA, I'll be seeing Rita tonight in NYC and who knows where Morrissey is.

I Like Art

If you are a regular reader of the blog, Zombie Fights Shark, you are probably familiar with the Friday afternoon post titled "Oooh Pretty", where an image of something, you guessed it, pretty is posted. Last week's Oooh Pretty was a picture of some shiny art thing on the streets of Chicago to which I commented that I wish NYC had more shiny art things laying about town. Well it seems as if the city's art gnomes read my comment and granted my wish with the following sculpture in Madison Square Park.



Ok, I know these sculptures have been there for a few weeks now but its still fun to delude myself and claim to have some sort of influence over the art world. In fact, each summer Madison Square park hosts an exhibit of large outdoor art. Last year there were concrete pillars, which I thought were just the foundations for the actual installation but as summer progressed and nothing was ever added to the pillars I realized they were the art. The summer before last, there were giant mounds that I'm fairly certain were petrified dinosaur terds.

Madison Square Park is the perfect outdoor setting for these exhibits. Its small with lots of walkways and more people que-up in line for the Shake Shack than all the city's museums combined. So the next time you find yourself waiting over an hour for a hot dog, remember to look up and enjoy the art.

So Just How Crazy Did Things Get on Saturday

In my earlier post, I mention a wild weekend. Well here are some pictures to show you what my idea of a wild night looks like.

Nothing says drunk like late night bodega beer runs in wigs and costumes. Here Kelly and Seth pay for our purchases.


Jen and I on the streets of Park Slope.

Life Lessons

I started this day feeling kind of lousy and in a bit of a funk. As usual, I drank entirely too much on Saturday beginning at brunch and not stopping until some point late that night or early Sunday morning. As a result, I was too hungover yesterday to even make it off the couch and missed out on enjoying a beautiful day. This morning, I woke up still feeling the after results of the weekend binge and turned on NY1 on time to see their coverage of yesterday's Aids Walk. Great! While I was too hungover to even pour myself a soda yesterday, thousands of do-gooders were out volunteering for a worthy cause and doing something healthy at the same time.

By the time I got to work I wasn't even in the mood to blog so I decided to do a little reading instead and happened upon something titled. "10 simple ways to save yourself from messing up your life" posted on lifehack.org.
It was as if this article had been written just for me and after reading the first few simple steps, I was already in better spirits and ready to face the day.

Below are a few of the steps that I especially liked. You can read the entire list at the link above:

Stop taking so much notice of how you feel.
How you feel is how you feel. It’ll pass soon. What you’re thinking is what you’re thinking. It’ll go too. Tell yourself that whatever you feel, you feel; whatever you think, you think. Since you can’t stop yourself thinking, or prevent emotions from arising in your mind, it makes no sense to be proud or ashamed of either. You didn’t cause them. Only your actions are directly under your control. They’re the only proper cause of pleasure or shame.

Ease up on the internal life commentary.
If you want to be happy, stop telling yourself you’re miserable. People are always telling themselves how they feel, what they’re thinking, what others feel about them, what this or that event really means. Most of it’s imagination. The rest is equal parts lies and misunderstandings. You have only the most limited understanding of what others feel about you. Usually they’re no better informed on the subject; and they care about it far less than you do. You have no way of knowing what this or that event really means. Whatever you tell yourself will be make-believe.

Take no notice of your inner critic.
Judging yourself is pointless. Judging others is half-witted. Whatever you achieve, someone else will always do better. However bad you are, others are worse. Since you can tell neither what’s best nor what’s worst, how can you place yourself correctly between them? Judging others is foolish since you cannot know all the facts, cannot create a reliable or objective scale, have no means of knowing whether your criteria match anyone else’s, and cannot have more than a limited and extremely partial view of the other person. Who cares about your opinion anyway?

Give up on feeling guilty.
Guilt changes nothing. It may make you feel you’re accepting responsibility, but it can’t produce anything new in your life. If you feel guilty about something you’ve done, either do something to put it right or accept you screwed up and try not to do so again. Then let it go. If you’re feeling guilty about what someone else did, see a psychiatrist. That’s insane.

Your Man On The Inside

Fact: A lot of my friends and readers don't live in New York City.
Fact: Lots of TV shows and movies use New York City as both a backdrop and often a character. Therefore I've decide to start a new post, "Your Man On The Inside", where I will dispel the rumors that Hollywood would have you believe about New York City.

Item #2: Crime Dramas on both television and in the movies would have you believe that New York City is literally bisected and disected by alleys. Hollywood often portrays theses alleys as havens for hobos warming their hands or baking their beans over garbage can fires, escape routes for crooks during hi-speed chases, the perfect spot to score and shoot crack, concert halls for crooning cats, and long maze-like halls that end at tall wooden fences.

The truth is there are little to no alleys like those mentioned above in NYC. While these places may exist in Queens or the Bronx, real estate in Manhattan is so valuable and scarce that no space, no matter how small, is overlooked.

A Man Of My Word

Some of you may recall that yesterday I was singing the praises of responsible drinking (much to the chagrin of my soused supporters). In said post, I also promised to atone for my night of responsibility with many evenings of irresponsible imbibing. Well I'm pleased to announce that I lived up to that promise last night!

Let me recount the portions of the past 14 hours that I can clearly recall. I met Seth for dinner at 6:30... I woke up in bed this morning. Just kidding. I actually remember the entire evening from my first cocktail to my second nightcap. After dinner, Seth and I made our way to the Knitting Factory for Kiki & Herb, where we met up with Seth's friends Aaron and Julie.

For those of you who have never witnessed the awesomeness that is Kiki & Herb, they are a lounge-style musical duo played by two guys whose names I can't remember at the moment. Herb plays the piano and occasionally sings while Kiki belts out the hits, does some fascinating dance steps and polishes of a bottle of Canadian Club. Last night's one-night-only performance was filmed for their upcoming DVD, which we will likely hear Seth and Julie shouting on. Words can't do this act justice, which is why I shot the following video for you. Enjoy!

Whatever Happened to The Dancing Baby

I know this has been everywhere already but some friends I was with last night hadn't seen it yet and it still makes me laugh (yes, I'm evil) so here it is again.

UPDATE: There is now a great parody of this video floating around the internets. Check it out at You Tube

Responsible Drinking Wednesdays

I'm proud(?) to report that last Wednesday's responsible drinking happy hour wasn't just a fluke. Last night I joined Seth, Cyndi, Kelly, Adam, and Jen down on the Farm for happy hour. Between the group, we had some great beers, wonderful wine, delicious cocktails, and amazing food all of which, complimented the lively conversation among good friends. Who would have guessed that my friends and I could have so much fun without getting shit-faced? This is new territory for me.

Fear not fellow booze hounds, winos, and beer sluts because I'm not going soft. Like last week, I will more than make up for one night of responsible drinking with four completely irresponsible evenings. In fact, tonight should prove to be a good old fashioned liquor appreciation fest as Seth & I have tickets for Kiki & Herb at the Knitting Factory. Check back tomorrow for a full recap at some point in the day depending on my hangover.

The Most Important Film You Have Never Seen

A long time ago (the 90's I think), in a galaxy far far away (West Chester, PA), a group of energetic young people, high on life, booze and rubber cement, joined together to form HiFive Productions. This talented group would go on to make an epic short film titled 'Bango'!

The film became an instant sensation among everyone lucky enough to view it at one of the many exclusive showings. Bango-mania swept the land and fans instantly began clamoring for more. Unfortunately the film's makers moved on to solo projects and divergent paths but the dream of reuniting to create 'Bango Two' was never far from their minds.

Several years ago, the emails and coffee shops were all a buzz that the sequel was finally in the works when the following teaser appeared.



To date, Bango Two, has yet to be made but all original members of HiFive Productions were recently spotted together in West Chester, PA. We can only hope and launch a petition that Bango Two is finally in the works.

Weekend Wedding Recap!

With all the weddings I've been to over the past year (I've lost count at the moment), I feel like attending weddings is my new hobby. Fortunately, this new hobby goes well with my favorite past time - drinking various beers, wine, and cocktails. I've actually gotten spoiled with all the open bar events I've been to over the past few months.

This past weekend was my cousin Barbara's wedding. This was the first wedding to take place in my family's hometown area of Philly. As usual, we had a blast and I always enjoy any chance to party with my family. I'm fortunate to have a fun family who all enjoy drinking as much (some even more) than me. I guess it's proof that the grape doesn't fall far from the vine.

Congratulations Barbara and Jim!

Your Man On The Inside

Fact: A majority of my friends and readers don't live in New York City.
Fact: Lots of TV shows and movies use New York City as both a backdrop and often a character. Therefore I've decide to start a new post, "Your Man On The Inside", where I will dispel the rumors that Hollywood would have you believe about New York City.

Item #1: If you had watched a recent episode of 'Ugly Betty' you might believe that "The Middle Ages" theme restaurant exists in the heart of Times Square. I have to admit, I avoid Times Square like the plague but if this theme restaurant exists, its new to me. The closest thing to a middle ages theme restaurant in Times Square that I'm aware of would have to be the ESPN Zone. With two giant shishkebob skewers flanking the doorway and MoCap Boxing events inside, this place is just as barbaric as a pack of Huns. So please, non-New Yorkers, don't plan your next vacation to New York City with hopes of taking in a staged joust and eating mutton chops because it doesn't exist, at least not outside of Staten Island.

Super Happy Terrific Products

I blogged about this on one of the sites I write for and had to share with all of you in case you haven't seen it yet.

It's a Darth Vader phone! When it rings, it plays Vader's Imperial March, which, for some reason is always stuck in my head when I walk down the street. Apparently Darth's head turns back and forth while the phone rings.

I know, I know - nerd alert! But I love goofy crap like this!

The Morning After

Unfortunately I had no qualified applicants toss their names into the hat for the position of my unpaid intern biographer. In fact, the closest applicant was Adam's suggestion of a monkey stenographer but all the monkey stenographers I spoke to were looking for room and board as payment for their stenographic talents.

It is highly likely that someone showed up at the Farm last night to apply for the job in person, however, rather than propping up my usual corner, which I said I would be doing, we decided to sit outback in the garden so said applicants wouldn't have known where to find me.

With yesterday's likely missed connection in mind and owing to that fact that my apartment isn't large enough for two "adults", two insane cats AND a monkey, who may or may not have a drinking problem, I had to go with option #1 and drink responsibly (just writing those words makes me shudder).

Here's the real kick in the pants - it was fun! I had several pints of beer rather than the ridiculous amount of vodka I usually tend towards, a lovely meal as opposed to simply considering the limes that garnish my drink dinner, and we topped the evening off with home made limoncellos instead of my usual "just one more" that turns into five.

I was home at a decent hour and feel great today! I think I may have inadvertently stumbled upon the perfect Wednesday happy hour. Although, I'm sure I'll drink more than enough this weekend to make up for last night's responsible imbibing, especially considering I'll be hanging with my family at a wedding, I'm already looking forward to next week's responsible Wednesday. Unless of course I find that intern then it's business as usual.

My New Profile Pic.

I figured with today's summer-like weather it was time for a profile picture to match the season. This latest picture is mii playing tennis.

Amazing Stories

I was thinking last night that I should use this blog for telling more stories. I feel like I have traveled to a number of faraway places, seen and done some unique things and even met many interesting people. While thinking back on these adventures and outings, it occurred to me that a majority of my stories involve everyone having a lot to drink and me subsequently not recalling exactly how most of the stories end.

I decided that I needed to change something in order to ensure recalling my future exploits and journeys. At first I thought giving up drinking would be a good idea but then where would I go and who would join me? I'm not even sure what options there are in this city that don't involve drinking. I'm assuming the library doesn't have a bar but I can't really socialize with friends there because of the silence thing. The movies are alcohol free (which is why I never go without my flask) but
I can't handle going to a movie theater more than a few times a year. I suppose there is always uh, well, er, I can't think of anything else to do that doesn't involve drinking.

So then I thought I should just become one of those people that doesn't drink but still enjoys hanging out with their friends who do drink. I think in the suburbs they call these people "designated drivers" or "recovered alcoholics". But if I were to stay sober while all my friends got tanked, I'd just be exploiting my friends drunkenness for the sake of my blog and I could never do that to my friends.

Obviously neither of the above options are going to work so I've come up with two alternatives, which I plan to test the next time I'm out with friends. Alternative #1 is to pace myself and master the art of the pleasant buzz. Alternative #2 is to hire an official biographer to accompany me whenever I leave the apartment or have friends over. Unfortunately, I'm not really in the position to pay this person so it will have to be more of an unpaid internship rather than a paying job but I think the rewards will be worth it.

As luck would have it, I have happy hour plans this evening so I'll be able to test out one of my two alternatives. Please email me or post a comment if you are interested in the internship position or just show up at the Flatbush Farm around 5:30 and look for me at the end of the bar by the door. If I don't get any emails from interested parties and no one shows up at the bar, I'll have to try to try alternative #1.

In any event, check back tomorrow because I'll be able to give you a full recounting of the evening either through buzzed first hand account or biographer's second hand retelling.

Fear The Future

One day last week while working from home, I made the mistake of running a few errands on 7th Avenue in Park Slope at the same time the local schools were letting out. If Whitney Houston is correct and the children are the future, we are all in a lot of trouble. I have never seen so many fat, sluggish, foul-mouthed, street urchins in one place and those were probably the honor role kids. I don't mean to sound like an old curmudgeon who complains all day and thinks the current generation are a bunch of slackers. I'm sure when I was in grade school I never made some older person feel that the future was in good hands. But these kids, who looked to be in their mid thirties, were coming out of what I think is a junior high school and were a frightening lot to behold.

Brooklyn Bound

After yesterday's Verizon snafu, which still hasn't been corrected - I'm working from home this morning then running into Manhattan for a meeting then home again where we have Internet - I can finally tell you about my weekend. Friday is a little hazy but on Saturday, I joined Jen and Kitty for a Brooklyn expedition. Fellow Park Sloper, Kitty, and I met Jen on Smith Street in what I think is Boerum Hill. We then took a leisurely stroll through historic Brooklyn Heights on our way to the waterfront.


We walked along the waterfront and through the streets leading up to the Brooklyn Bridge.


Then explored the streets of DUMBO ...



.. and then made our way to the Manhattan Bridge.


Once we reached the Manhattan we decided it was time for a beverage and headed to Superfine for a quick drink.


We would have stayed a while at Superfine but it was time to head to our ultimate destination of the day - Trout in Boerum Hill (I think that's where the bar is located). Not that my friends and I ever need an excuse to drink but seeing as how it was May 5th or "Cinco de Mayo" as they call it south of the border, we figured it was the perfect excuse to drink. I really got into the spirit of the day by drinking Corona. At some point, Kelly and Seth joined us at Trout and we all proceeded to get pleasantly drunk.


After an undisclosed amount of time, we figured a change of scenery was in order and headed back to Kelly's place where Adam was entertaining people with accents. I never figured out if they were from London or New York. I'm going to assume that by this point in the night, the battery on my camera had died because there are no pictures to document the goings on. Chances are good that we all sat around sipping cordials and brandy and discussing travel, art and world events until Seth, Kitty and I decided it best to politely make our exit and return to Park Slope.

Technical Difficulties

Once again, thanks to the ineptitude of Verizon DSL, we have no interwebs at my office. I was forced to resort to using the telephone in order to communicate with people. What is this, 'Little House on the Prairie'?

For anyone that doesn't know, Verizon DSL is a separate company from Verizon Wireless or other Verizon services. The sole purpose, service and reason for Verizon DSL to exist is to provide DSL Internet connections. Today is the second day in less than a week and sixth time in less than a year that Verizon DSL was unable to deliver DSL service to my office.

Sorry to rant about this it's just very frustrating. So now, I'm back home and can return you to your regularly scheduled pop-o-matic posting (already in progress):

... and that's how I got crabs from Madonna.

Ashamed Of Myself

I can't believe I'm going to publicly admit this but, I'm listening to my old iPod and The Macarena just came on.

WTF

I was strolling through Union Square yesterday when I happened upon this scene. Does anyone know what the hell this is all about?

Rock-o-Matic: Covers

I need a new wallet. I like this wallet. My birthday is May 22nd. I'm just saying.

This week I take a look in my digital collection of covers. Here are some of the worst.

I once owned the vinyl record where Frank Sinatra sang Mrs. Robinson. I played it for friends and delighted them so. It takes whatever meaning the original had, sucks it out and spits it into a martini glass.

Frank Sinatra - Mrs. Robinson

Of all the things that are awful on my iPod, this is one of the worst. And I love David Bowie, so no doubt hearing him and Marianne Faithful plod through this cover of Sonny & Cher's "I Got You Babe" really hurt. The YouTube video puts visuals to this disaster masterpiece.

David Bowie w/ Marianne Faithful - I Got You Babe

Lastly, this is a random download that turned out well. I need to find a used record store that sells recordings of high school choirs from the 1960s and 70s. Comedy gold. This is a cover of the Burt Bacharach hit, recorded by Dionne Warwick.

Torrance High School (1970) - I'll Never Fall In Love Again

-josh

Genius At Work #5

Occasionally I have ideas that I think can make the world a better place to live in. Lacking the manufacturing capabilities to bring my ideas to fruition, they usually go to waste in my mind. So I've decided to post my ideas here in the hopes that some mega corporation will stumble across them and throw bucket loads of cash at me to turn these ideas into reality. Of course, the mega corporations will probably just steal my ideas and screw me but at least I'll have the proof to back up my "hey that was my idea" rantings.

I can't imagine working for a company that forced me to wear a suit every day. I don't mind occasionally wearing one, as long as it isn't July, but I refuse to wear neckties. With that said, however, I have to admit there is one major advantage to wearing suits - it makes getting dressed really easy. All you have to do is pick the suit plus a shirt to match and presto chango! You are ready to go.

When you can wear whatever you want to work, within tasteful limits, choosing what to wear becomes a little more difficult. I'm not trendy or big on fashion but I want to make sure that I leave the apartment every day wearing something that matches and doesn't make me look like a fool. The problem is that's easier said than done.

So here is my latest invention - the Daily Recommending Ensemble Service or DRES. DRES is a web-based application that resides on your desktop like a daily weather widget. You begin customizing DRES by creating categories, such as work, nightlife, restaurant (fancy) restaurant (casual), then enter the UPC number from your clothes into the system (one way to make this process easier would be a USB scanner). Using the UPC number, the DRES will locate your clothing on the interewebs and store a picture with details in your virtual closet.

Whenever you need an outfit, simply open DRES and select a category then DRES will recommend a full ensemble from undies to jacket and everything in between. The beauty of DRES is that it's web-enabled so whatever it suggests will be tailored to the weather forecast for that day.

Other added features include the ensemble memory system which will store your previous ensembles to make sure you don't wear the same thing twice in one week or ever in front of particular people (this could be very handy when dating so that you never wear a repeat outfit). Additionally, your DRES will frequently scan the internets and let you know when clothing items you may be interested in are on sale.

So there's my idea. Now who wants to buy it and produce it (hopefully soon because I'm tired of dressing myself)?

Super Happy Terrific Products

A few months ago I posted about the liquid decanting flip-flops or "booze-flops as I like to call them. Well check out these new additions to the James Bond Summer Fun line - secret compartment flip-flops. Whereas the idea of drinking something that came out of my shoe was both titillating and revolting, these little numbers actually look like a great idea. Just imagine being at the beach and not having to resort to the tip of your sneaker for stashing your valuables (Yes, we all know you put your money, license and keys in your shoe before running into the waves).

Rest Easy

I can only imagine how worried everyone was yesterday by the fact that I didn't post at all. You can call off the search party, stop dragging the lake and cancel the APB. I'm fine. I was doing my civic duty by sitting in a room all day keeping my fingers crossed that I wouldn't get chosen for jury duty.

My morning started a little frenzied since I completely forgot that I had to report for jury duty. It was only while frantically searching for my check book to write this month's rent check that I came across the jury summons that I received a few weeks ago and promptly put out of mind. The reason I was frantically searching for my checkbook was because I forgot today was the first of the month. It was only as I was lying in bed staring at the clock and wondering how many more times I could hit snooze that I noticed my clock also displays the date and today it was showing 5/1. Convinced that the clock was mistaken, I got up to turn on the TV to double check and sure enough, the clock was right. So next came the frantic search and subsequent jury discovery.

I took the fastest shower of my life and was out the door without stopping to google the Brooklyn court house to find out where I was going. The summons was kind enough to tell me which train would put me in the general vicinity of where I was to report but no further directions were given. I found a coffee vendor, which was also very important to find, and he gave me directions to the building I needed to go to. As soon as I made it to the first turning point in his directions, I realized I hadn't paid a bit of attention to anything he told me other than which way to walk once I left his kart. It occurred to me while looking for someone else official looking, like an officer, person wearing some sort of civil identification or another coffee vendor that I have a bad habit of doing that. I'm not one of those guys that refuses to ask for directions, I just don't pay attention when the directions are being relayed.

Eventually, after asking two more people for directions, I made it to the building and room where I would be spending the rest of my day. I actually had a lovely day with a window seat and a good book and when all was said and done, I don't have to worry about jury duty for another six years.