HOLIDAY HOURS

I'll be up at the butt-crack of dawn tomorrow and headed off to Florida to celebrate Christmas with the McKinneys. I'll be partaking of plenty of good food, fine wine, cold beer from Dad's Kegerator Murphy (yes, they named the kegerator), delicious Limoncellos, and a few Manhattans. I'll try to remember through the drunken haze to post the occasional blog entry.

CHRISTMAS COMES EARLY FOR JERSEY GAYS

Its official, New Jersey's governor signed legislation today giving same-sex couples all the rights and responsibilities of marriage allowed under state law, except the title.

When the law goes into effect February 19th, New Jersey will will become the third state offering civil unions to same-sex couples and the fifth allowing some version of marriage. Currently Connecticut and Vermont also offer civil unions for same-sex couples, while Massachusetts allows same-sex couples to marry, and California has domestic partnerships. New York better wake up or an awful lot of disposable incomes might start crossing the Hudson.

For anyone who is wondering why gaining these rights are so important, here is what Civil Unions and Marriages provide to the two people:

"The civil unions law grants same-sex couples adoption, inheritance, hospital visitation and medical decision-making rights and the right not to testify against a partner in state court."

MARY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE

Enjoy!

OH TANNENBAUM

On Tuesday I mentioned that Seth & I were going to Christmas party where we would be trimming a giant tree. Well, here is the tree. The picture on the left is of Seth putting some of the first ornaments on the tree.


I took the picture below later in the night using the drunk-vision lens. Yes, that's Seth wearing the infamous tuxedo T-shirt from Scott & Nichole's wedding.

Wii GOT GAME!

By the time I got home last night my local Game Stop was closed so I couldn't but a game for my new Wii. Fortunately, the Wii comes with one game, Wii Sports, which as the title might suggest, is a collection of sports games. I hate sports games. I haven't played a sport video game since playing my parents Pong and yes, I consider Pong a sport.

Setting up Wii was a breaze and I quickly created my Mii. A Mii is a Wii avatar that will appear in some games, such as the Wii Sports games. I was itching to play anything so I slid in that sports disc and started off with tennis. It's probably been about 20 years since I went to tennis camp (yes, I really went to tennis camp) but I've still got a killer serve and impressive back-hand. The Wii's remote senses your movement and can actually distinguish when you are executing a back-hand swing. Next I played a round of golf (I can honestly say I've never typed that sentance before) and followed it up with bowling.

I couldn't believe it but I was actually having fun playing sports games and I owe it all to Wii. While I don't see myself buying Madden Football anytime soon, I'm already looking forward to my next tennis match. Doubles anyone?

SCREAMS OF JOY

This is the commercial I mentioned yesterday (scroll down).

Thanks Adam for sharing this link.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING NEW YEARS EVE?

Attention anyone who hasn't made their New Year's Eve plans yet, boy do I have an idea for you!

Join the folks of Clay's Corner, NC, for the annual New Years Eve Possum Drop! This year's drop will even be broadcast live via WKRK Radio.

For more info, head on over to href="http://URL">http://www.clayscorner.com/index.html

THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR

There is a commercial on TV that shows two kids opening Christmas gifts and screaming with excitement over what they got. That was what I was doing a few minutes ago when my boss gave me my Christmas gift - a Nintendo Wii!!

MIA

You've probably noticed that I haven't been blogging much lately. Sorry about that. I've just been insanely busy with work and all the holiday madness.

Tonight Seth & I have a Christmas party to attend at a friend's apartment who apparently has a tree that might rival the one at Rockefeller Center. I'll tell you all about it tomorrow and promise to get back to more regular blogging.

BEST & WORST OF 2006

It seems like everyone does a Best & Worst of the year introspective around this time of year so I thought we should do one also. Use the comment field of this post to list your best, worst, favorite, least favorite or whatever of 2006. Keep in mind, this isn't a scientific study and we don't have to answer to anyone so if your favorite album of 2006 was actually released in 2005, then list it anyway.

I'll get it started by listing some categories and my picks.

Here are mine:
MOVIES: Best - Grandma's Boy. Worst - MI3.
TV: Best - Big Brother All Stars. Worst - The View
ALBUM: Best - Confessions On A Dance Floor, Madonna. Worst - B'Day, Beyonce.
CONCERT: Best - Confessions Tour, Madonna. Worst - Confessions Tour, (its the only concert I saw)
SURPRISE: Best - Kelly & Adam moving to NY. Worst - Jen moving to Singapore

MOST INTERESTING STORY - Mel Gibson's drunken tirade against Jews.
LEAST INTERESTING STORY - Paul McArtney's divorce.
FUNNIEST ONE LINER - Kharen Jones "Who invited Boss Hog?" (ask Kharen)

So now its your turn. You can nominate your picks for the above categories but please keep in mind, I'm interested in your category ideas also.

MY CELEBRITY STUDDED MORNING

What a day it's been and it isn't even noon yet.

If anyone read my post last week, WHATS ON MY DESK TODAY, you'll recall that I was cultivating an ant farm for an appearance on Live with Regis & Kelly. Well that appearance was today and I just got back to the office.


I met my boss, the Toy Guy, at 7:30 this morning at the ABC studio where Live with Regis & Kelly is shot. We were going over the toys for the Toy Guy's segment with Gelman, the producer, when Regis arrived to say hello. Later I was asked to join Kelly in her dressing room to show her how to work a Spy Camera toy, which she then took on the show during the opening chat section and took pictures of Regis, the audience, and her desk (that one was a mistake, I think). At one point during the show, the Toy Guy and I were in an empty make-up room using a TV to set up a digital makeover toy when Rob Lowe walked in. Apparently we were in his dressing room. He was very excited to see the toy we were working with and wanted his own digital makeover. He looked great after we gave him eye shadow and high arching eye brows.

Next, I had to help Regis & Kelly put on their Happy Feet tap dancing penguin feet and after that, I helped Regis get into an inflatable Superman suit. As the suit's muscles were inflating, he kept shouting "Am I inflating, am I inflating!?" I guess he thought the bulging muscles were his own.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot to mention the other guest on the show - The latest winner of Americas Top Model. She seemed nice and not as tall as I would have expected.

After the show, I snuck back stage to retrieve my ant farm. I'm happy to say the ants did a great job on the show and are now back on my desk basking in their new celebrity. They just got an offer to guest judge an episode of the next American Idol.

TIPS FOR THE HOLIDAYS

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact,
if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than
single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories
in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one
for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make
a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother?
It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a
Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have
nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a
10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size
of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention.
They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and
one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all
cost. I mean, have SOME standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying
attention. Reread tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

Remember this motto to live by:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well
preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, totally worn out and
screaming, "WOO HOO what a ride!"

CALLING ALL FORMER JERSEY CITY RESIDENTS

According to New York Magazine, Jersey City is THE new cool place to live. In the article, If You Lived Here, You’d Be Cool by Now, the author talks about the trend of cool neighborhoods moving farther and farther from Manhattan and with Williamsburg already uncool, the author suggests the next prime spot is Jersey City.

Its long but a good read, especially for all of us that used to live and party there. However, for proof that you can't believe everything you read, in interviews with current JC residents, they make an awful lot of comments that we used to make when we lived there regarding the few things the neighborhood needed to really seal the deal. Apparently there is still only one restaraunt on Restaraunt Row (Newark Ave, the street parallel to our old street) and there's still a need for good bars. The article didn't say a thing about that Hard Groove and that has me thinking, "I wonder if Lisa is still there?" Chances are good that Box Car Willy has moved on but I bet How You Do is still there and maybe even MoMohamed.

THIS SHIT IS BANANAS

Did you watch the Billboard Music Awards last night and if yes, why? I tuned in on time to catch a rapper, I have never heard of, give an entirely inaudible acceptance speech followed by Mary J with her standard "Thank you god, thank you Jesus, thank you fans" acceptance speech. That was enough for me to play an episode of I Love Lucy. After Lucy, however, I gave the awards show another chance and was pleasantly repulsed by Denise Richards introducing Gwen Stefani. Stefani performed her latest "song", Wind It Up. I say this as a fan of hers, that song sucks! First of all, it sounded like most of the crap from her last album. I think its the same beat as that stupid Bananas song. Second, it sounded like all of Fergie's songs, which aren't that great either. The only enjoyable aspect of Wind It Up is the Sound of Music sample and that comes from some guy who wrote it like 50 years ago. Please Gwen, go back to No Doubt.

That was enough Billboard for me. Is Billboard Magazine even still in print?

THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO ZZZZZZZZ

Some of you may recall my review of E!'s House of Carters. If you don't, you can read it here or if you are feeling too lazy to click that link, the basic gist is that the show sucks. Just in case you needed another opinion regarding House of Carters crapulence I offer you the following.

Apparently, the show has at least one fan and guess who it is? No, not Heather. It's Britney Spear's soon-to-be-ex husband. Some how this douche-bag has been given his own reality show and he wants House of Carters executive producer, Kenneth Crear, to produce it. Here's the best part, Crear is quoted in Us Weekly with the following statement:

"Kevin came to me because he liked the way I shot the House of Carters series and the way I made Nick Carter look real and trustworthy. I gave people a different perspective of him and made people really respect him."

I don't know who the bigger idiot is here but I know one thing, I will not be tuning in for House of Federlines.

WHATS ON MY DESK TODAY

In a recent post, 'Its A Living' I mentioned some of the more colorful responsibilities attached to my job working for the Toy Guy. This week, I've been cultivating a colony of ants in a new gel Ant Farm. If all goes as planned, these little creepy crawlies will be going from my desk to the set of Live With Regis & Kelly next week. Stay tuned for more information on the ant's upcoming tv appearance.

THE WEATHER OUTSIDE IS FRIGHTFUL

I don't know about the rest of the country but today in New York City it's hot! According to the TV, it may even get into the 70's. And today isn't just a fluke - its been warm all week.

I took a stroll through Bryant Park yesterday and snapped some photos of the ice (water) skating rink, where the ice was melting so fast that the entire rink had a quarter of an inch deep layer of water over it. Check out my pictures from yesterday and click on a photo to enlarge. The second photo is a close-up of the water rippling across the ice. I'd hate to be skating there and fall over.

ON THIS DAY IN HISTORY

Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz were married.

If you haven't seen I Love Lucy in a while, I highly recomend watching an episode. Even after all these years, its still one of the funniest sitcoms on tv.

LOOKING FOR A NEW VACATION DESTINATION?

This morning I heard there are plans in the works to add new entertainment facilities to Coney Island. Here's what NY1 has to say:

"developers envision a grand new entrance for the area. Something like a tower of water with a light show and an observation deck overlooking a magnificent amusement park."
“It's this ‘wow’ of an introduction,” explained architect Stanton Eskstut. “An orientation to everybody that well, you've just arrived, wait until you see what else there is.”

Judging from my trip to Coney Island last year, I hope this magnificent amusement park includes extreme makeovers for the regulars.

PROGNOSIS NEGATIVE ALERT

Happy Wednesday Everybody!

Since today has already started, we really only have two more days until the weekend.

Here's a little midweek movie magic. Enjoy!

HAPPY DAYS ARE HERE!

Yesterday I mentioned the official launch of Operation Christmas Spirit. This 39 day long celebration is all about having fun and using the many holidays and traditions of the season as an excuse for eating and drinking too much, going out more often than usual, spending too much money on others and yourself, slacking at work and listening to corny music.

I hope everyone had a few drinks last night to celebrate the lighting of the Lincoln Center Tree but for all those that didn't, now is the time to get your Repeal Day plans in order. Repeal Day, December 5, marks the anniversary of the day the Eighteenth Amendment (Prohibition) was repealed giving us the right to legally drink! Traditional Repeal Day festivities include heading out to your favorite bar and drinking your favorite spirit. So forget your usual routine of drinking at home alone next Tuesday and head to a spot where everybody knows your name.

BACK TO REALITY

Nothing beats a short week better than a long weekend, especially when its an extra long holiday weekend. The only down-side to an extra long weekend is returning to work on Monday. But here's the good news for everyone returning to work today after having four days off for Thanksgiving - we've got two more holidays to look forward to in less than a month!

I hope everyone's long weekend was as good as mine filled with friends/family, food and fun. In our home, Thanksgiving also signals the start of operation Christmas Spirit and we spend the days after Thanksgiving (except Friday because I was too hungover) putting up the Christmas decorations. I know for some people, the Friday after Thanksgiving, or "Black Friday" as its called, is a day for shopping. I'd like to share with you some lovely stories from last week's "Black Friday". So grab a cup of hot coco and turn on your AC (its approaching 70 in New York today) and enjoy these modern holiday tales.

Shortly after midnight yesterday, an estimated 15,000 shoppers pushed and shoved their way into the Fashion Place mall in Murray, Utah. Police soon joined them, responding to reports of nine skirmishes.

Once inside, shoppers ransacked stores, overturning piles of clothes as they looked for bargains. A retailer's dream -- too many customers! -- quickly turned into a nightmare, forcing store clerks to shut their doors, and only let people in after others left. The mall even briefly closed its outside doors to avoid a fire hazard.

At the Wal-Mart outside Columbus, customers dashing toward 5 a.m. deals pinned employees against stacks of merchandise.
"Oh, my god, stop pushing me, oh, my god," screamed Linda Tuttle, a 47-year-old employee at the store.

Virginia TV newscast reports:

The rush at Roanoke's Best Buy turned violent, just seconds after the doors opened at 5 a.m. NewsChannel 10 caught a man on video hitting someone over and over. Watching in slow motion you can see him hit someone at least 5 times.
Scranton newspaper reports:

The scene at many stores was part Woodstock, part Lord of the Flies, as hundreds hunkered for hours bundled in clothes, wrapped in blankets and holding coffee cups and crumbled newspaper inserts.

As the 5 a.m. opening at Best Buy approached, latecomers crashed the line marked by yellow tape, jockeying for pole position with people who stood in the cold for hours.

Attempting to quell the crowd, a store manager jumped on a garbage can and threatened to call police. Store employees handed out tickets, entitling the bearer to one of the limited number of so-called "doorbuster" items.

Many of those in the line circling the building had no idea that the front of the store was on the brink of chaos, or that items they waited for were already claimed.

In Torrance, California, the Mercury News reports:

An elderly woman and nine other bargain hunters were injured Friday in a rush for gift certificates dropped from the ceiling of a local mall.

Some 2,000 shoppers rushed for 500 falling prize-filled balloons at the Del Amo Fashion Center, leaving nine with minor wounds and sending an elderly woman to the hospital.

MANHATTAN MILESTONE

As of today, the guy in the little cart on the street where I buy my coffee every morning now knows my order without me asking for it. And, we've gone from him saying "Have a good day boss" to Have a good one buddy!"

SURVIVOR SWEETHEARTS?

I was just reading an interview with Brad, who was recently voted off the Island on Survivor and came across this juicy chestnut:

"AE: There have been rumors floating around that you and JP are dating. Any truth to them?"
"BV: [laughs] Um, it's all about timing in life. I can't answer that. JP is a great guy. You'll have to wait for the finale."

SAMSUNG BLOWS HOLOGRAPHIC SMOKE UP OUR VIRTUAL ASSES

Last week Samsung announced what the near future of cell phones will hold for us and I find it hard to believe.

According to Samsung:

"By 2010 or so, handsets will use flexible or holographic displays and could have processors that run at clock speeds up to 5GHz, Lee said.
Future handsets will also include more advanced cameras, capable of capturing 3-D and holographic images, and rely on fuel cells or solar panels for power, Lee said. Future handsets will switch seamlessly from one network to another, moving between cellular networks, mobile WiMax, and other networks, he said."

Give me a break. I'm still waiting to talk to someone over my wrist phone, which back in the 1990's Tom Selleck promised "you will". Leave the holograms to Science Fiction for now and just make sure my Cingular phone has service on Ocracoke Island next summer. Now that would be futurtastic!

NERD ALERT!

SCI FI Channel's award-winning series Battlestar Galactica will move to a new timeslot starting Jan. 21, 2007: Sundays at 10 p.m.

If you haven't seen it yet, this is one of the best shows on TV right now.

SIGHTING

If you happen to be in the Rockefeller Center area today and looking for a quick peep - JB just ripped her pants! "Yup," said JB, "ripped my pants. There was a staple on my chair and it snagged my pants. Now you can see a little circle of flesh on the seat of my pants....sweet."

SERENITY NOW, INSANITY LATER

Have you seen that video of Michael Richard's insane stand-up act? It's so disturbing I had to stop watching halfway through my second viewing. Click here to see for yourself:

NOT VERY BLIND ITEM

While most of us were enjoying our weekend with friends, family, and loved ones, a particular Brooklyn resident, who I will refer to as JB, was busy interviewing new friends. A highly reliable source passed the following email to me and I have it on good authority that the author of this email was in the Philadelphia area over the weekend.

This is the actual email, I've only removed people's email addresses, phone numbers and full names.

Date: November 17, 2006 2:03:56 PM EST
Subject: Invitation to Friendship
From: JB@bofasecurities.com
To: ?@comcast.net

Hey B:

I am trying to make some changes in my life and the first thing I need to change are my friends. I have decided that Jeff is just too immature for me and let's not even talk about Heather soo what do you say we become friends?? I have always found you to be very mature, cultured, interesting and stimulating. I think its a good fit.

Let me know if you are interested. I am a good friend.

Your Friend (?)

JB

NIP TUCK

It just occured to me that I forgot to mention Nipsey Russel's birthday (September 15) and anniversary of his death (October 2). Did you know that Nipsey got his start in the 1940s as a car hop at the Atlanta drive-in The Varsity, where he would earn his tips by making his customers laugh. He moved his act to nightclubs in the 1950s, when he was discovered and subsequently made many "party albums", which were essentially a compilation of his stand-up routines.

In the late 1950s, he was featured on The Ed Sullivan Show, which led to a small part in the comedy Car 54, Where Are You? in 1960. Russell became the first black performer to become a regular panelist on a weekly network game show when he joined ABC's Missing Links in 1964. A year later, he became a co-host of ABC's Les Crane Show. During the 1970s, he was a co-star in the ABC sitcom Barefoot in the Park and appeared regularly on The Dean Martin Show and The Dean Martin Comedy World. Scattered appearances on television series followed, as well as performing guest host duties on The Tonight Show.

In 1971, he started as a featured panelist on To Tell the Truth, which led to him being hired for The Match Game when Goodson-Todman Productions revived it two years later. He also served as panelist on the 1968 revival of What's My Line? Today, he is most known for these game show appearances — not only for his wit, but his seriousness in playing the games (or in Truth's case, questioning the civilian contestants).

He was also a trained dancer, and appeared in the 1978 film The Wiz as the Tin Man.

He died October 2, 2005 in New York City, after suffering from stomach cancer.

HOT JENNIB

I've been getting a lot of requests for pictures of Jenni B. So here you go!

COFFEE! GOOD FOR WHAT AILS YOU

I was just doing a little research on AOL for an article I'm writing when I came across this tasty tidbit.

Coffee
MISCONCEPTION: It only keeps you awake.
TRUTH: Arizona researchers recently discovered that caffeinated coffee helps improve memory in older adults. Plus, regular coffee drinking lowers the risk for type 2 diabetes. A new report finds that people who drink a daily four to six cups have a 28 percent lower risk of developing this illness, which is fast becoming an epidemic in this country, than folks who drink less than two cups each day.

HAPPY LIFE DAY!

Life Day is upon us. Traditionally celebrated on the Wookiee home world Kashyyyk, Life Day is a time to reflect on the renewal of life and to remember those who have passed on. In recent years Life Day traditions have been adopted by many species across the galaxy. Wookiees will often brave adverse conditions to make it home for this holiday, as it is an important time for family bonding and thankfulness.

NORDBURG NEWS

Am I following the latest O.J. Simpson story correctly? Did he just admit to killing his ex-wife Nicole Simpson Brown and her friend Ron Goldman in a new tell-all book?

Sure, most of us rational people suspected all along that he did it and got away with it, but this is crazy. He's now trying to profit from killing those people by writing a book!

If this is confirmation of what we've always suspected then the prosecutors and jury members from his trial back in 1995 should be ashamed of themselves. Although, I guess we shouldn't be too surprised, afterall, he was tried in the same state that acquitted Michael Jackson of child molestation charges. What an embarrassment for our court system.

THEY LOVE ME IN CANADA

Hey folks! Check out this article I wrote for Kids Domain, a Canadian website. Its a totally awesome holiday toy guide.
Enjoy!

HOW YOU FEELIN? HOT! HOT! HOT!

There's something wrong with the environment when the years' Beaujolais Nouveau is on the shelf and the ice-cream man is driving by the spirits shop playing that annoying universal, ice cream-truck theme song.

THOSE GOOFY BASTARDS

Nearly 30,000 people have watched this You Tube video. And after watching, I can see why!

THE ONLY WAY TO FLY

I can't fly without my iPod but occasionally, I'll forget to fully charge it or get stuck waiting in the airport because of delays and the battery drains before the flight ends. Well Apple just announced that it is going to start offering iPod integrated seats on Air France, Continental, Delta, Emirates, KLM and United. These six airlines will begin offering their passengers iPod seat connections which power and charge their iPods during flight and allow the video content on their iPods to be viewed on the their seat back displays. Look for these new tuned-in seats sometime in mid 2007.

JUST SAY NO TO FAO!

According to NY1 (our local news channel), FAO Schwarz wants to open a store in Park Slope, Brooklyn. What are they smoking? Didn't the previous owners of FAO go bankrupt and have to sell the company to the new owners who closed all but two locations? Haven't the new owners figured out that people don't want to shop at an FAO branch. They want the whole tourist experience of visiting the store on 5th Avenue. Not to mention Park Slope has plenty of independent toy stores and if anyone can't find a toy in the neighborhood, we can just hop on the train and be at the 5th Ave store in a matter of minutes.

"HELL" "DOLL"

Carol Channing has been getting a lot of grief for some comments she alledgedly made in an interview. Well her publicist has responded to clear things up. According to the publicist, Channing's quotes were altered to create entirely new meanings.

Here's the press release from the publicist:

***PRESS RELEASE from HARLAN BOLL, publicist for CAROL CHANNING***

"Is a sad statement on our community when they so quickly choose to believe bad things about people without checking the facts. Especially when they are about individuals to whom we have received nothing but support over the years. In this case the less than accurate interview done with Carol Channing comprised of a series of half quotes and twisted statements.

The reporter misquoted Tim Rowe and me and clearly misquoted Carol. Feel free to call me if you want 323-xxx-xxxx or call Tim Rowe the event director at 937-xxx-xxxx.

He says he is quoting from a transcript which he doesnt have. He was asking questions of Carol that were clearly traps. She initially thought she was doing an interview with The Springfield News. I hadnt told her I had switched the two and when the reporter started asking questions about her gay friends, she thought it was going to be one of those interviews where she would have to defend her friends, but when she realized it was a gay trade, her defenses were already up and confusion ensued.

When I spoke to the reporter afterwards he told me that Tim Rowe of the organization producing the Springfield event, had said that because of his interview, Carol wasn't going to do the event. When I immediately called Tim he said he never said anything of the sort and when Tim spoke to reporter, the reporter told him equally outlandish things that I never said. The comment about how she wasnt going to do any future interviews is crazy, because she did two more immediately following his. The guy was clearly trying to bash an Icon and make a name for himself. Sadly these people with ulterior motives exist and have since before Louella Parsons and Hedda Hopper. I suppose this gentleman has a great future at the National Enquirer.

FYI - what she actually said when asked about gay marriage was that she wasnt necessarily pro gay marriage, because why would we want the government involved in our business and most of her gay friends were in agreement - this include myself. She thought civil unions and civil rights were more important, but "if this is what gay men really want then its their business and I dont care, they can take care of themselves."

With reference to the Bible - she said about gay marriage "You know what the Bible says about it ... Nothing." The interviewer failed to add that last comment in the quote to the interview.

Her history of support speaks for its self. As a gay man myself, who has worked for her for years, she has supported my 7 year relationship from the beginning and of her other gay friends and colleagues agree. For example, longtime friend, Mr. Blackwell, says that she was one of the first to be there for he and his partner Spencer and continues to be for what will soon be their 58th anniversary."

HAPPY MONDAY

Hello friends, how was everybody's weekend? Seth & I took advantage of the Global Warming Weather and joined Janelle and Pete for another stoop sale. Once again we displayed our crap on Chris and Gary's stoop, although Chris and Gary weren't there because they are currently honeymooning in Hawaii (don't worry guys, most of your wedding gifts didn't get sold).

Later that night, Jenni B took Seth & I out for dinner to say thanks for the room redo we did for her in September. We had a fantastic dinner that included eating a kangaroo! I was opposed to the idea until Jen assured us that they are nasty creatures. Lets just hope Jen doesn't visit Korea any time soon or she'll have us eating dog.

The weather took a turn for the worse on Sunday and we spent a good old fashioned rainy day doing a lot of work in front of the TV. In addition to watching hours of Totally outrageous Videos (our new favorite show) we also watched the documentary,"Born Rich." While interesting, it wasn't exactly what I had in mind. I was hoping for a look at the fabulous lives and homes of ridiculously wealthy kids when the film was more about these kids winning and complaining about the trappings of wealth - whatever.

So how was your weekend?

AMERICA'S LEAST FUNNIEST

How does Bob Saget keep getting hired. Does anyone out there find him entertaining? Just hearing his voice makes my skin crawl. Somehow, this dipshit has been hired once again to appear on TV, this time as host of a new game show that takes drawn-out, forced suspense to a new low and its obvious that even some of the contestants can't stand him. Please TV, stop the insanity! No more Saget!

"YOU MUST BE SUFFERING FROM DELUSIONS OF ADEQUACY"

In case you missed it, Joan Collins was on Martha Stewart this week and she was a hoot! Collins, who made the bitch-slap a staple on Dynasty, looked great and a bit like a dear in the oven's headlights. Either Joan is an old school chef or this was her first experience with cooking because she didn't know what a microwave was called. She also thought Martha's egg whisk was an old fashioned tool that she recalled her mother using.

SHOW US YOUR TITS

Why don't the women take off their shirts during the weigh-in on Big Fat Loser? The men always do and some of those guys have the biggest jugs I've ever seen.

YOU MIGHT BE AN ASSHOLE IF . . .

You might be an asshole if you carry an enormous, golf umbrella on crowded sidewalks when it rains.

WOW I LOVE E!

I have to hand it to E! Entertainment Television for the best piece of timely programming I have ever seen. Today was election day for some offices around the country and right now (8:46 pm) E! is showing the movie "Election". This hilarious movie features a girl shouting "Who cares! Don't vote at all"! Now that's comedy.

JUST BREATHE

I just got a hot tip (thanks Jenni B) on a great video currently on youtube. It's from the Country Music Awards and shows Faith Hill's reaction to loosing an award to Carrie Underwear.

Check it out at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S_P-aYADTkw&mode=related&search=

NERD ALERT!

Attention all Star Wars fans!

Looking for a totally original and spacey addition to your Star Wars or Sci-Fi collection? Or perhaps you want to be an Original E-11 Stormtroper for Halloween (just 359 days to go). Then look no farther than the Definitve Guide to making your very own Blaster Rifle replica! This web site provides you with a step-by-step guide to building a blaster rifle replica with parts from your local hardware store and local automotive salvage yard (you do know where your local automotive salvage yard is located don't you?).

Check it out now at http://www.studiocreations.com/howto/blasterrifle/main.html

And May The Force Be With You!

AARON'S PARTY

I can't believe I haven't written anything about the TV show, "House of Carters". This show is so awful that even Heather might not be watching it. At first I thought it would be another fun, celebrity catastrophe but this family is so screwed up that they make Bobby and Whitney's show look like "Father Knows Best".

In one episode, the mega-mess sister, BJ, is asking advice on how to end her relationship with a guy she "loves but isn't attracted to anymore." Although she could have just waited in a drunken haze for this episode to air, she decides the best way to break up is by starting a fight and when the perfect opportunity presents itself (he offers to help her clean the pigsty she lives in) she lashes out and demands her space. In this same episode, former non-threatening cutie, brother Aaron (who now looks like a tweaked-out meth-head) gets trashed with his sisters (he is 18) and is then forced by Mr. Responsibility, older brother Nick, to go grocery shopping. Aaron later pukes on the ride home and vows never to get wasted again.

If this brief recap has piqued your interest and you decide to tune in for the next train wreck, I suggest watching with a drink in hand and take part in my House of Carters drinking game - every time some says "respect" take a drink. Be warned, however, you may find yourself drunkenly stumbling around the Piggly Wiggly before the episode is over.

GENIUS AT WORK #2

Welcome to the second posting of my semi-regular section, 'Genius At Work'! In case you missed the first entry, this is the spot where I share my ideas that can make the world a better place to live in.

I do my best to avoid anything related to politics but sometimes, especially around elections, that isn't very easy. Personally, I believe all politicians, regardless of party, are corrupt, deceitful, dirtbags who will say and do anything to get and keep their cushy jobs. And who can blame them? After all, how many jobs do you know of that give the employees lengthy recesses?

So here's my idea. Rather than letting candidates running for an office to debate each other, they should be hooked up to lie detectors and questioned on TV about their platforms and plans for office. This way we can expose the lies before the dirtbags get into office.

Here are a few standard questions that I'd like answered. What would you like to ask?
Which of your campaign promises do you intend to keep?
What aspects of your position do you intend to abuse?
How many interns do you plan to sexually harass?
Do you believe god speaks directly to you?
On a scale of 1 to 10, how big of a douche-bag are you?

3, 2, 1

Why is everything on VH1 a countdown? Can't they just have a show that doesn't involve counting down the "insert number here" Most Whatevers of all Time? If you haven't already seen Totally Awesome, the new VH1 movie, you should check it out. And just in case you can't decide what the best moments of the movie were, stay tuned for 10 Most Excellent Things: Totally Awesome - a countdown of 10 memorable scenes from the movie you just watched.

WAKE ME UP AFTER YOU GO

You are going to think that I have it in for George Michael but I just can't help making fun of him. He keeps making these ridiculous statements. His latest diatribe, "Murdoch is the devil", blames Rupert Murdoch for his career difficulties. Apparently George thinks his 2002 song, Shoot The Dog (never even heard of it), which some perceived as anti-Bush, pissed off super republican Murdoch. I'm sure Murdoch downloaded that track back in 02 thinking he was in for a snappy tune only to be sadly mistaken by the controversial message. So far George Michael has blamed all gays and Murdoch for his career troubles. Next he'll be blaming The Wiggles for stealing away his young fans.

I'M GONNA LIVE FOR EVER!

I've got some good news and some even better news that you may have missed this week. First the good news -- the findings of a new study were released this week and researches have discovered that a molecule (Reservatrol) found in red grapes and therefore in red wine, can prolong the life span of mice. Now for the even better news, science says that a human would have to drink 300 glasses of wine a day to equal the amount of Reservatrol given to the mice in the study. That sounds like a wager to me!

EXTRA! EXTRA!

I was asked by Kaboose.com (part of KidsDomain) to write a holiday gift guide. The article was published today and you can check it out at http://www.kidsdomain.com/holiday/toy-guide/

IT'S A LIVING

This week at work - I created a one-of-a kind magic drawing, changed Baby Alive's diaper, and glued swords to the hands of Pirate action figures. Today I'm stuffing my own teddy bears with the Li'l Luvables Fluffy Factory. I only hope if my parents are reading this, they don't ask me to pay them back for college.

FAMOUS LAST WORDS

Despite the fact that both Jen and I agreed early in the evening that we had to get home at a decent hour, we managed to close the patio at The Riv. Off course we had a little help from our friend, Kelly. Kelly made a stopover in NYC on her latest goodwill tour to the states after cheering on her sister in a DC marathon. As always, it was great to see that sassy Brit and I can't wait for her and Adam to return to NY permanently next year. Speaking of which, Kelly mentioned how much they will miss their weekend, European, jet setting so we agreed to start a US travelers club when they get here. The states might not have the glamour, exotica, and history of Greece or Rome but there's got to be plenty of fun weekend excursions for those of us living in the North East. So put on your thinking caps and dust off your valises because we've got some traveling to do next year!

GO BACK TO SLEEP GEORGE

I was trolling the interweb when I came across this nugget from George Michael, "Gay fans are only interested when you're in the closet. Once you're out, they don't give a toss." While I can't speak for all gay fans, I can say that personally, I stopped giving a toss about George when his music started to suck. Now that I think of it, when was the last time he even did anything related to music. It seems lately he is too busy with drug busts, lewd acts and passing out in cars to actually make music. It seems to me that even George Michael doesn't give a toss about George Michael.

HAPPY HALLOWS DAY PAGANS!

I've given up trying to load my images so that I could get the following posted before Christmas. I'll try to post the images separately later. Stupid interweb!

Did everyone have a good Halloween? We celebrated in the hood with our Park Slope Pals, Chris & Janelle. The Park Slope tradition is for all the trick-or-treaters to go from shop to shop along seventh Ave, collecting candy. Chris and I manned the door of her office, which is located on the avenue, and gave out candy to hundreds of kids, tons of surely teens and the occasionally sneaky adult (we know you weren't "gettin candy fo yo baby" lady!).

There were a lot of great costumes with many Superman, Superwomen, Spiderman, Power Rangers (especially, the Green Ranger) and Star Wars characters (especially Darth and Storm Troopers). One of the best group costumes of the night was the Tron Family.

The evening ends with a parade making its way up the avenue and unlike the West Village parade of Manhattan, this one isn't the least bit commercial with people who live in the area gathering to march in costume. You can bet we will be in that parade next year!

PLEASE STAND BY

Hello friends! I have an article on our Halloween adventures ready to publish, however, there's a problem uploading my images. I'll keep trying to fix the problem so keep checking back for the post.
Thanks!

DONT BOTHER ME

Am I the only person that doesn't give a shit about Paul McCartney's divorce? I just don't understand why anybody under the age of 50 would care. No offense to diehard Beatles fans (the title of this entry is just for you) but let the AARP monthly magazine cover this story. Maybe if the tabloids and paparazzi hadn't been so busy following this over-the-hill, incontinence story they would have found out about Ryan and Reese's split last week.

STUPID FARMERS

Did everybody remember to set their clocks back an hour over the weekend? I didn't! I dragged my incredibly
hungover-from-Chris-&-Gary's-wedding ass out of bed at 8am, which turned out to be 7am! Unfortunately, I didn't realize my mistake until 12pm (my time) and by then it was already 11am (rest of the East Coast time) and it was too late to go back to bed. I plan to get even for this lost sleeping time by not shopping at any farmer's markets for the rest of the month. That'll learn them!

AFTERNOON DELITE

Need a good chuckle? Check out this website - http://straightguysatnyu.com. Don't worry, its safe for viewing at work.

ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST

This weekend we went to Chris & Gary's wedding, the third and final wedding for me in 2006. And now the moment you've all been waiting for - whose wedding was the best! Just kidding. From Heather & Mike's mountain retreat to Scott & Nichole's desert oasis to Chris & Gary's city chic - all three weddings were a blast, with tons of fun and some touching moments. All required a tremendous amount of work to pull off and leave me asking "Why don't people elope"?

Chris & Gary held their ceremony and reception at a quaint restaurant in Chelsea with fire places burning and candles everywhere. It was a creepy Halloweeny day with high winds and fast moving clouds that complemented the jack-o-lantern center pieces and candy strewn tables inside. It was great to see RBC friends, Michelle and Liz (plus their husbands) and I even made a new friend from High School - Jen who was there with her husband as well. I also got to laugh again about the Stoop Sale Nut Job (http://pop-o-matic.blogspot.com/2006/10/crazy-people-love-crap.html) with fellow Park Slopers and hang out with Chris' college friends, who we were seated with. I guess Chris knows us well as she put our table right next to the bar. I also got to chat with Chris' mom who I haven't seen in years and meet Gary's family, a great bunch of people who give new meaning to the title Philly Fanatic - how many people do you know that can sing the Eagles' fight song?

Congratulations again to all my friends and family who tied the knot this year. I'm already looking forward to my sister's and cousin's weddings next year (no they aren't marrying each other). I hope they and their fiances weddings turn out as great as all of yours did.

FATTY FATTY TWO BY FOUR

So far I’ve generally steered clear of making fun of reality TV people. At least aside from a few comments here and there. The reason is, I believe the networks when they tell us that these people are “real people”, and they are “just like us”!

But I’ve recently come to the conclusion that if you choose to put yourself on any public domain, such as TV, then you are sending out an open invitation to all to ridicule and mock you in the public domain. The only exception is choosing to enter the public domain with a blog in which case, you should never have to taste your own medicine.

I also doubt that any reality TV people will ever be reading this blog. So for all these reasons and more, I can proudly declare “I can’t stand Kai on the Fattest Loser”! I hate how she gives the blue team dirty looks during the weigh-in, just standing there with fat arms crossed and resting on her gut, and her constant nasty remarks are uncalled for. Her negative and bitchy attitude might fly on Survivor (where I’m sure her tribe-mates would have already voted her off or eaten her by now) but it’s not necessary at the ranch. In my opinion, TV bitches should look a certain way; like Amanda on Melrose or Alexis on Dynasty or Alexandra on Josie & The Pussycats. Those ladies were bitches!

And while were talking about Loser, what drugs is Trainer Bob doing and where do I get some? There’s no way a good looking, in-shape fella like that can be so genuinely happy about hugging those obese guys. I just wish somebody would tell him the fohawk is totally 2005.

NOW I CAN TELL YOU

My server was "updating" yesterday when I wanted to post the following but everything is back up and. . .

Now! I can tell you about Madonna on Oprah
About adoption and bullshit
and all the crap she's endured
Don't it make you cringe?
Just let her be
Let her be
Now I can tell you about the place, Africa
no it won't last long
and all those lies they will be burned!
Just let her be
Oh let her be
Got to let her be
Won’t you let her be?

So, did you see Madonna (live via satellite from London, England) on Oprah? Madonna came out swinging and quickly dispelled the rumors. The most interesting of which was that Angelina Jolie convinced her not to adopt an LA orphan and instead go to Africa. According to Madonna, she has never even met Jolie. In my opinion, any filthy rich person who CHOOSES to go to Africa deserves an award. The places Madonna was photographed visiting make India look like a day spa. So from the horse rider's mouth, Madonna legally adopted (rescued from certain disease and death) this kid. The father was fully aware and only after the fact, let some shysters talk him into bilking Madonna for money. That kid will grow up one of the three most privileged kids in the world and if Madonna wants to adopt a little 30-something year old from Brooklyn, I'm available!

LET IT WILL BE

Have you been paying attention to the latest, and ridiculous, Madonna controversary? She went through the process of adopting an African baby (they're so hot right now) and now the media is giving her a hard time for it, saying she illegally bought that baby. Well, today all will be put to rest when Oprah, the king Solomon of our times, sits with Madge for a little heart to heart. I've got someone in the field who will be watching it and giving me a full recap and telling me if its something I need to watch also. I'll keep you posted!

ADAM ENTERS THE MPC CONE

Our favorite ex(soon-to-be re)patriot is making headlines, literally. Last week, The Times ran an article about Adam's new position at Reuter's latest bureau. In case you didn't read the article, the new bureau is in the online game Second Life. Adam created an online version of himself and will report to the new Reuters Second Life building to cover news for the more than 850,000 players of the game.

Second Life is an online community with its own monetary system, shops and businesses. Players create online characters that represent themselves, called "avatars" (just like in the movie Tron) and interact in a real economy, where U.S. dollars can be exchanged for Linden dollars. The avatars can take on just about any name and physical attribute -- some people create accurate versions of themselves while others use the community to live vicariously and anonymously by posing as someone totally different.

I'M BACK!

It's Monday morning and Toy Fair is finally over. After spending the past 4 days (yes, even Saturday and Sunday) eating, breathing and sleeping toys, I don't want to even say the word "toys" again. Unfortunately, there's a little event on the horizon called "The Holiday Season", which means I'm now heading into my busiest time of year.

Fortunately, I'll be spending a lot of that busy time in front of a computer so I will be blogging as often as I can. Speaking of which, lets talk about this week's Amazing Race. You should stop reading here if you don't want to know who got eliminated. Thank god Peter and Sarah are gone because I couldn't stand to watch him treat her like crap any longer. Don't get me wrong, I love watching the couples self destruct and blow up at each other. But Peter's meanness was sneaky and mental and not entertaining. Did he even do any of the road block challenges? It seemed like every time there was an incredibly physical challenge, Peter made Sarah do it. Cheers to Sarah, who proved a person with only one leg can kick ass! Jeers to Peter, who proved a person with half a brain is just an idiot.

SORRY

I know I've been shirking my blogging responsibilities lately but its been a busy week. For starters, I was in Florida this past weekend for my dad's 60th birthday. I surprised/scared-the-hell-out-of dad by showing up Friday morning without him knowing I was coming. Then my mom surprised him Saturday night with a party she planned with their friends. I was surprised by Conner, my nephew, calling me by name "Jefe"!

Tomorrow is the first day of Fall Toy Fair so I'll be running all over Manhattan looking at toys but I'll do my best to get back to regular blogs ASAP!

ITS AMAZING

For the first time in three weeks I was able to watch an entire episode of the Amazing Race! I'm so happy I didn't miss the India episode, which is always a crowd pleaser. India is one of the main reasons I would never even consider trying to join the race. You can almost smell the stench just by watching this episode. Speaking of this episode, are the Models/Recovering Drug addicts really talking about their recovery every week or do the editors keep repeating sound bites? I was thrilled to see this was a non-elimination leg because I really like the hillbillies. One team I don't care much for is Peter and Sarah. Which member of this team is crazier? Peter, an obvious lunatic (who says "golly" when faced with the obstacles the Amazing Race throws at you?), or Sarah - no offense to one legged people but . . . a race around the world? Come on. Start off with something easier, like the NY Marathon.

MCDONALDS' LEAN COMMERCIALS

Doesn't it seem odd and even a little rude, that McDonald's, a corporation whose bread and butter business (pun intended) is selling super fatty foods to super fatty people, doesn't represent their target demographic in their commercials? Pay attention to the next McDonald's commercial you see and count how many obese people they show eating their food.

WHO IS SIENNA MILLER?

I've never claimed to be up on celebrity gossip. In fact, aside from the occasional "They're Just Like Us" spread, I can't stand the gossip magazines. I do check in occasionally with some gossip blogs and always keep an eye out for a good Madonna story or picture of Jared Leto. Even I know that Paris and Nichole have "ended their feud". But I have to ask the following question, who the hell is Sienna Miller? All I know is that she is (or was) Jude Law's wife or girlfriend or something but what has she ever done other than sleep with Jude Law and who cares?

WHAM BAM! THANK YOU AN. . drew

I know one saucy brit who is probably doing a jig of joy right now. George Michael has convinced Andrew Ridgeley to reunite for a Christmas concert at London's Wembley Arena. They will be joined by their backing singers Pepsi and Shirlie to make it the pop event of the year. I just hope George gets a ride to the arena so there's no chance of him falling asleep on his way.

THEY SCREWED ME AGAIN!

Once again, I missed the end of this week's Great Race (thanks Heather for telling me about RealityTVWorld.com). I even planned ahead when I learned that there would be another football game played on Sunday (do you they play ball every week?), which might push back the start of the Race. I recorded the show following the Race and double checked at 8 to make sure everything was set. For some reason, my DVR decided not to work from 9 to 10 and the show following the Race didn't record. Fortunately, the Race only began about 3 minutes late so I figured I'd at least get to see most of it. Unfortunately, my cable was having issues and 15 minutes into the Race, the picture and sound began freaking out and getting all pixelated. It was like watching TV in Monet-Vision. Thanks a lot Time Warner Cable - You Suck!

HOLLYWOOD PASTRY ATTACK

The following story was e-mailed to me yesterday about an incident that took place at a Starbucks in Hollywood last month. I have two questions after reading this story:
1. starbucksgossip.com? 2. Josh, where were you on the morning of September 26?

From starbucksgossip.com
September 26, 2006

LOCAL STARBUCKS PATRONS BUZZING ABOUT BRUTAL PASTRY
CASE ATTACK

An incident at a Hollywood Starbucks early yesterday
morning involving a naked man experiencing a violent
hankering for some crumble cake is all the talk lately
among employees and regulars:

At 5am this morning, a drunken naked guy used a sock
full of rocks to shatter the glass on the front door,
and stormed inside to eat "all the pastries". Police
responded and found the guy running around the
store, resisting arrest. He had feathers in his hair
and an American flag... although it wasn't explained
if this was a large or small flag, or where it was
placed (or, perhaps, raised). The cops had to use
rubber bullets and a beanbag shotgun to subdue him.

The origins of the feral "Scone Boy," as local lore
has already dubbed him, remain a mystery. Perhaps we
shall never know what led to the sad, desperate
scenario in which he found himself cornered and
snapping viciously at the encroaching fingers of law
officials as he greedily fed on day-old pumpkin spice
muffins, only to be knocked unconscious with a
high-velocity beanbag to the side of his
feather-adorned head. To end on a more upbeat note,
however, the colorful event should provide plenty of
creative inspiration to the franchise's core clientele
of aspiring screenwriters and derelict producers, and
it won't be long before multiple, scripted versions of
the events start circulating around the gourmet coffee
circuit, each offering their individualized, explosive
take on the shocking true crime tale.

CRAZY PEOPLE LOVE CRAP

This past Saturday's Stoop Sale was a blast! Josh (my friend visiting from LA) and I arrived at Chris & Gary's apartment a few minutes before noon and the stoop was already buzzing with people milling about, digging through boxes of T-Shirts and Jeans, and doing their best to haggle down prices that were already in the single digits. Chris and Gary, along with their friends, Janelle and Pete, were already doing a brisk business so I quickly set up my shop, which consisted of a large shelf that I ripped out of my bedroom closet and brought along to prop on the waist-high fence surrounding a tree in the sidewalk. I made my first sale before finishing the task of tastefully arranging my wears on this table.

When the noon rush finally died down we took a much needed Irish coffee break and geared up for the next wave of bargain-obsessed treasure hunters. Chris warned me that the local loons surface for any stoop sale but no amount of pre-game talk could have prepared me for the woman that spent over an hour at our sale. Like any savvy shopper, this woman (who I'll refer to as Nut Job) wanted to know the name of the sales-person assisting her. At first, telling NJ her name seemed like an ok idea to Chris but as the day wore on, NJ's constant shouts of "Christine (or Irene)! What's this?!" proved her wrong. This was obviously not NJ's first stoop sale and as she continuously balanced a Jacob's ladder of cigarettes (light, smoke, repeat) while examining the merchandise, she asked the kinds of questions that only a seasoned-shopper would think. Tire-kicking questions such as holding up a plate and shouting "Irene! What's this?" only to follow the obvious answer of "A plate" with the even more hard-biting, "Is it supposed to be round?"

At some point during Nut Job's visit we switched to Irish Diet Cokes and as the day and whisky drew to an end, I tucked my shelf under my arm and headed home with a lot less crap and over $60 in my pocket. A proper stoop sale.

ANCIENT PARK SLOPE SECRET

Tomorrow is a big day for me. Its a first, my first time participaing in a Park Slope Stoop Sale. We've been up for hours pricing crap and now I just can't wait to get rid of it all. Check back later for pics and an update.

GENIUS AT WORK

Welcome to my first semi-regular section, 'Genius At Work'!

Occasionally I have ideas that I think can make the world a better place to live in. Lacking the manufacturing capabilities to bring my ideas to fruition, they usually go to waste in my mind. So I've decided to post my ideas here in the hopes that some mega corporation will stumble across them and throw bucket loads of cash at me to turn these ideas into reality. Of course, the mega corporations will probably just steal my ideas and screw me but at least I'll have the proof to back up my "hey that was my idea" rantings.

My first idea is one I've shared with friends to mixed reactions. Its CheeseUp, cheese flavored ketchup. If your first reaction to that concept was "gross" or "that's disgusting", then you've probably never had cheese fries or a Philly cheese steak. You see, the problem is, melted cheese and ketchup just don't mix. Try dipping a cheese-covered French fry into ketchup - the ketchup just doesn't stick. Now imagine dipping that fry into one sauce that combines the taste and flavor of both ketchup and cheese. The result is pure deliciousness!

Come on #2 ketchup maker Hunts. You’ve been searching for a way to beat Heinz for years and this could be it.

Thanks for reading my first Genius At Work posting. Check back here often because you never know when another idea will seep from my brain and onto the web.

LETS GET PHYSICAL

Its Wednesday night and I'm watching last week's Big Fat Loser. If any of you saw and remember it, have you ever seen a group of people more disappointed by a blond chick yelling, "We're goin to the beach!" There is definitely no mistaking this show for the Real World.

WTF

What happened on Sunday that caused The Amazing Race to start 30 minutes late forcing me to miss the end of the show! I had just settled down with a glass of wine to enjoy one of my favorite Fall programs only to discover that some geriatric crap called 60 Minutes, ran 30 minutes late. If corporate America can build a GPS system that allows people to pinpoint their exact location on the planet, surely my DVR can figure out where the show I asked it to record begins. So now I'm stuck sitting here watching Leave It To Beaver and bitching about the fact that I have no idea which team is out of the race. So, the Beaver was just a retarded kid slipping through the school system, right? In this episode titled, 'Beaver's English Test', beaver is clearly in the throws of puberty and the English test he is studying for involves picking the adjective from the sentence "The early bird catches the worm." Not only does the Beaver not know which word is the adjective, but he can't even remember the sentence immediately after Wally (who is helping him study) reads it to him. Then Gilbert comes over and forces Wally to help him study also or his dad will hit him. Later when Beaver and Gilbert are in class and a test is handed out, Gilbert says something about changing his underwear. This show is so disturbing I've almost forgotten about the Race fiasco. Speaking of The Race, I think its off to a great start. Its nice to see a season with a good variety of teams rather than the usual countless straight, white, dating couples who aren't sure if they want to take the next step in their relationship but think that competing in a highly stressful and televised race around the world for $1 million will help them figure it out.

MCKINNEY'S LAMPOON WEDDING VACATION

Sorry for not posting over the past few days but I just got back from my brother’s wedding in Palm Springs, CA, and like any occasion where my family gets together, I have plenty of tales to tell.

I’ll start at the beginning, Day 1
I left the quiet peace of Brooklyn at the but-crack of dawn and caught a taxi to the airport. It was a beautiful morning so I had the car windows open and was enjoying the wind on my face until something flew in the window and hit me in the eye. Windows up!

My flight left LaGuardia without incident and I touched down in Dallas, TX a few hours later, where I met up with the rest of my family on route from FL. We had a 3-hour layover, which gave us plenty of time for cocktails and both my sister and I were well lubricated by the time we boarded. With the exception of the 2 dwarves (Coughy and Shouty) behind us, the flight to Palm Springs was delightful and a few drinks later we landed.

We breathed a collective sigh of relief when all of our bags showed up on the carousel and we then piled into the rental family-mini-van to head out to meet up with Scott (the groom). Palm Springs is a small town bordered on one side by the desert and on the other by mountains. There are probably 5 main roads cutting across the town but that didn’t stop us from quickly getting lost. Eventually, Scott (in his car) found us on the road and led us back to the house my family had rented for the weekend.

The house (a ranch style in a creepy, dark, neighborhood), looked like something that had time-warped from the 50’s, unfortunately not everything made it along with the house. Some of the more noteworthy standard home items that this place was missing included bed sheets, towels, television, furniture, hangers, closet rods, hot water, a floor and worst of all – no booze! Having more than 30 years of experience traveling with my parents I knew we wouldn’t be staying there long. After a brief confrontation with the rental-home’s manager, which ended with her in tears, we piled back into the min-van and quickly checked in to the Palm Springs Hyatt.

Aside from the persistent pain in my eye, which was now completely blood-shot, day 2 was relatively calm. At least, until it was just about to end. After the rehearsal dinner the family and me joined everyone else at another hotel, where the other guests (Scott and Nichole’s friends and some family) were staying.

My dad has a little habit of ending most parties by quietly slipping off to bed, which is fine - when the party is at my parent’s house. He choose not to change his routine on this particular night, and left the rest of us stranded without a car at the party. Luckily, we got rides back to our own hotel and Reen and I said goodnight to mom who went up to the room as we went down to the bar. About an hour later we got a call from my mom who had been desperately trying to get into her room. It turned out that after several attempts by security, it was determined that my father (soundly sleeping in the room) had dead bolted the door and there was no way in from the outside. Maureen and I had a sweet, two rooms down from my parents so we decided the only thing to do was to scale the hotel balconies and unlock the door from the inside. Once again, being very well lubricated, I was ready for a late night climb but asked Mike to get a video camera first since I didn’t want to risk my life unless it was on film. Before I could even hoist myself over the railing, Mike was up and shimming across the railing like Spider Man.

We finally got mom into her room and Reen and I returned to the bar intent on drinking until her fiancé’s (Kevin) early morning flight arrived. Needles to say, I was too hungover to do much of anything the following day (the wedding day) and only pulled myself off the couch for the drive down to the airport to pick up Seth, who got into town that day, and the wedding itself

The Wedding went off without a hitch. The groomsmen, Mike, and me were wearing white linen suits with checkered vans and tuxedo T-shirts (yes, seriously) and the bridesmaids, my sister and Nichole’s sister, were wearing black puffy dresses.

As much as I laughed at our outfits while getting ready, I was equally thankful to be wearing linen and a T-shirt as we stood in the 100-degree heat during the outdoor ceremony.

The reception was held at a private home rented by Scott and Nichole (complete with furniture, floors and booze) and everyone had a blast dancing around the pool.
The highlight of the evening came about an hour before the party began to wind down. Two of Scott’s friends stripped to their boxers and jumped into the pool along with my dad who was still wearing his suit. Reen quickly followed in her poofy gown and I went next wearing my suit. After that Scott jumped in followed by Seth and finally Nichole, still wearing her gown, jumped in as well. After that my mom was thrown in and from there it became a good old-fashioned pool party with everyone taking a fully clothed dip.

All in all, a typical family get together!

A WARM FUZZY STORY

According to a story I just read on the Daily News.com, a man in FL claiming to have a gun on him, took the last TMX Elmo doll (this year's fuzzy 10th year anniversary Elmo) from another shopper who had originally picked it up. The victim claims the armed bandit told him about the gun and said he'd have no problems shooting him (the victim) if he didn't hand over the Elmo.

I'm not going to bother commenting on the hilarious absurdity of this story because the Daily News article is even funnier than the crime itself. It appears as if the Daily News (located in NYC) sent a reporter over to the Times Square Toys R Us for people's reactions to this story. While the two quoted shoppers in the article agree that Elmo isn't worth getting shot over, apparently one shopper feels it is worth getting stabbed - "If the guy had a gun, I'd give him the Elmo," "If he just had a knife ... I don't know."

Now that's comedy!

YOU KNOW MANHATTAN APARTMENTS

Yesterday I was having lunch with a friend of mine who is a massage therapist and in addition to having her own practice in Chelsea, also works for a super exclusive and ridiculously expensive spa. Occasionally she visits clients of the spa at home for sessions and told me about one such client, who lives three blocks from the spa, in a Park Avenue apartment that occupies the entire floor of the building. The apartment is so large with so many hallways that my massage therapist friend has gotten lost just trying to find the guest room in which she sets up her massage table. Apparently my friend visits this person so regularly that she asked why the apartment owner doesn't just get a massage table of her own. The woman replied, Where would I store it? You know Manhattan apartments."

DANCING WITH THE CORPSES

On of the most enjoyable aspects of a DVR (TiVo or other brand) is not having to sit through annoying commercials. Unfortunately, there are times when you still get stuck watching a commercial. Like if you are watching live TV, can't find the remote to fast forward or are so hungover that you don't have the strength to press the fast forward button. I recently found myself in one of these situations (I'll let you guess what my predicament was) and was forced to watch a horrible crapmercial. I'm referring to the latest Gap commercial that features footage of Audrey Hepburn dancing. I think the Gap should be ashamed of itself. For a clothing company that considers itself stylish, to use a dead celebrity to peddle its pants is truly tasteless. Audrey Hepburn probably never stepped one foot into a Gap and now, through no choice of her own, she is forced to act as the store's spokesperson. I guess she can rest somewhat easy in the knowledge that she isn't dancing with a vacuum cleaner.
Audrey Hepburn, 1929 - 1993 Rest In Peace.

Design On A Nickle: The Reveal!

The challange: With a budget of $500 and two days, we turned a plain, uninspired room into a crisp and sophisticatd yet relaxing living space. We think we did a great job. See for yourself here with the before and after shots.

BEFORE
AFTER

BEFORE
AFTER

BEFORE
AFTER

BEFORE
AFTER


A FEW MORE AFTER SHOTS
A new reading corner
Crisp yet comfy

Room Redo Day 2.

We finsihed Jenny B's room makeover today and have to say it looks great. Now I only hope Jen agrees when she gets home tomorrow. Check back tomorrow for pictures and Jen's response.

A Job Well Done

After a full day of work we hit the closest bar.

A Taste of Things to Come

Day 1 of our room makeover is complete. These pictures are just a sampling of some of the pieces we have added to Jenny B's home.

What lies beneath.

Jenny B warned me that she didn't clean her apartment before leaving town. I'm not so sure if she has ever cleaned her apartment.

Design On A Nickle

Jenny B, hired me to work some magic on her apartment's living room, which is what I'll be doing tomorrow. About a month ago, during a drunken Saturday evening, we hatched a plan that resulted in her handing me an expenses check, which I've been shopping with all this time. JB is out of town this weekend so tomorrow I'm taking all the stuff I've bought for her place (I love shopping with someone elses money) and turning her room into a showplace! Stay tuned for pictures during the day.

One Sassy Brit And An Expatriate Returning To America

That's right! Our favorite mixed couple (she's English and he, American) are moving back to NYC! The Sassy Brit, AKA Sacred Cow and ExPat AKA Cheese Pants are planning on moving back and settling once again in Brooklyn early next year. Stay tuned for more details.

UPDATE!

I'm flying to CA this weekend for my brother's wedding and guess what Airline I'm on? AMERICAN! Great! I'm probably flagged in their system after that salty email I fired off to them last night. I'm thinking of printing a T-shirt for my flight. Any suggestions?

American Airlines Hates

My boyfriend and I were hanging out with another couple tonight when they told us about this American Airlines story - apparently an AA flight attendant woke up a sleeping gay man to tell him to stop being so affectionate with his mate. My first thought was my friend got his facts wrong and was horribly retelling a story. So when my boyfriend and I got home we looked it up. Stories in a multitude of publications, including The New Yorker, tell the story as one man was sleeping with his head on the shoulder of his mate (boyfriend, spouse, partner, whatever) when a flight attendant woke him up and told the couple they had to stop the inappropriate behavior. Apparently other travelers felt there was no inappropriate behavior happening. So it sounds like American Airlines hired a stewardess who hates fags and so far the airline stands behind this person. As an American who flies once every two months, I will write to American Airline expressing my disgust and more importantly will never fly their airlines again. I hope all Americans as disgusted by this story as I was will research it on their own and then take action that lets AA know they can not get away with this prejudice.

United For Peace & Justice March

This morning on my way to work, I passed the people gathering for the United For Peace & Justice March. I was surprised to see that the group, marching to protest the war in Iraq, seemed to be comprised mostly of older people and not many young. A lot of the protestors appeared to be old enough to have marched and protested during the Vietnam War. While I think its great to see so many older Americans taking a stand, I was slightly disappointed at the lack of college-aged people present. I was fortunate to attend school during the relatively peaceful (at least for the US) years of the early 80’s but even at that time made a trip to Washington DC in 1992 to join the pro-choice March for Woman’s Lives. Looking at this mornings crowd I had to wonder, what will happen to peaceful protest when all of the original hippies are gone?

E3 2006 - Day 2

I'm in the middle of E3, the Electronic Entertainment Expo and finding it difficult to deal with the overpowering odors coming from people who feel that showering is optional. I have nothing against people who don't shower, as long as they stay home, but if you know you are going to be in a close crowd of people in a hot convention center then you should at least have the courtesy to shower and put on a clean T-shirt.