Let's Get Stoop-id!

On Saturday, Seth & I took all the crap from our apartment that we were sick of looking at some lovely second hand items over to Kitty's Park Slope stoop, where we joined Kitty and her husband for a super duper stoop sale. Not to toot my own horn but between out two households, we had the best stoop sale I have ever seen. Kitty and husband had rows of boxes filled with DVDs and CDs and Seth & I had a bunch of games, video games, toys and housewares, many of which had never been opened or used.

We had a rush of people arrive before we were even finished setting up or had made our first round of cocktails. We decided to start the day with homemade Lynchburg Lemonades, which were crisp, refreshing and just enough whiskey to deal with the wack jobs who turn out for stoop sales. And turn out they did! The crazy train rolled in with a lady that Kitty mistook for a man and called "sir". She/he was joined by a rather odd couple who wanted to know why Kitty's DVDs were priced so high at $4. Later in the day a large woman on a scooter pulled up to haggle and asked husband if he would give her a T-shirt for $1 since she was going to have to wash it 5 times just to get his smell out of it.

We even had some celebrity shoppers when the guy who made "Supersize Me" and his girlfriend (or wife maybe?) and author came by.

At some point in the day we switched to beer and were joined by friends Cyndi, Kelly, Adam, and Danella. The stoop sale turned into more of block party and seeing as how beautiful the weather was on Saturday we sat outside drinking until the sun set. At the end of the day Seth & I took in close to $200 and had a blast! The only thing more fun than drinking with friends outside on a gorgeous day is getting paid to do it.

Welcome to the Blogo-sphere Double Header

Two new kids arrived on the blog block this week as Seth and Jdizzle both began publishing their own widely different blogs.




JDizzle's blog, "Hometown Hangover", follows the trials, tribulations, and to-dos of a home town gal, her husband and dog. Don't expect many book reviews on this site as Jdizzle is quick to point out, she doesn't like reading. Check it out at hometownhangover.blogspot.com.




And for something completely different, after months of being included in posts here on pop-o-matic, Seth has launched his own podcast - "Seth in Brooklyn". This musical interpretation of pop culture is a collection of Seth's own musical creations. Call them remixes, remasters, mashes or whatever you want, its off the wall and not safe for work. Have a listen for yourself at sethinbrooklyn.podcastpeople.com

My Week In Review Part 1

After an exhausting week I finally have a chance to catch my breath, catch up on some sleep, and catch a good buzz. I can also recap some of the highlights of the past four days starting with Monday's True Colors concert at Radio City.

The concert, which was sponsored by Logo and the HRC, was a real fagapalooza, which opened with a performance by Amanda Lepore. If you don't know who that is, I'm afraid I just can't come up with the words to describe her so why not visit her site. After Amanda, The Gossip took the stage and kicked ass, followed by The Dresden Dolls, who were incredibly talented but not exactly my cup of tea.

Finally, it was time for one of the acts I was there to see - Debbie Harry! Although Harry is currently promoting her new album, she still opened with an oldie - 'French kissing in the USA'. Aside from 'New York, New York', French Kissing was the song I was most hoping she would do. Despite her age (she has to be in her 50s by now), Harry sounded incredible and the only way I can think of to describe her voice is that its like the soft half of Velcro, it feels good and grabs your ruff edges.

After Harry there was a short break followed by the evening's only disappointment - Rossie O'Donnel doing her "act". I tried to keep an open mind and forced myself to ignore the fact that she was wearing Crocs but after listening to her for five minutes, I had to retreat to the lobby for a drink.

Then the show really got exciting as Erasure took the stage. This is the band that I always wanted to see during High School but never did. It was worth the wait! They performed some of my favorite songs plus a few from their latest album.



The final performer was Cyndi Lauper, who came up with the idea for the tour. She opened with 'Hole in my Heart' and went on to sing most of her most popular hits including 'Girls Just Want to Have Fun', 'When You Were Mine', 'Goonies' (which I don't think she has ever done live), and of course - 'True Colors'. When Lauper finished her set, all of the evenings acts returned to the stage to sing 'Take A Chance on Me'.



The show was hosted by Margaret Cho, who would come out during acts and entertain the crowd. At one point, she said she likes women who are so butch that they roll their own tampons.

My nostalgia tour rolls on next week when Seth & I will be seeing Morrissey at the Garden. I'll be sure to tell you all about it.

Super Happy Terrific Products

Sorry for not posting all day. It was an insane day that capped off an insane week. I'm off tomorrow so I should finally be able to catch my breath and write a real post.

Until then, here is the most adorable hot dog cooking thingy. Because I'm sure you are just like me and think the oven or microwave just isn't cute enough.

I Need A Drink

This is this first I've been in front of a computer since stealing a few minutes on someone's laptop yesterday at that trade show. Although I wasn't back at the show today, I had a meeting with Disney Interactive to check out their new games for the upcoming holiday season then I had to head up to ABC's studios to meet with the producers for this week's toy segment. I have to be back there to morrow morning at 7AM! Just typing that makes me ill. Things should settle down a bit by tomorrow afternoon and as soon as that happens, I promise to tell you all about Monday night's concert and even post some crappy cell phone videos.

True Colors Teaser

Unfortunately last night by the time I got home from the True Colors tour it was way past my bedtime. Seeing as how I had to get to the Javits this morning on time to see the new Mach 5 and Batmobile unveiled before heading to meet Miley Cyrus (yes, Billy Ray's daughter) I didn't have time to blog about the concert. As soon as I have time, I'll be back with a full report. In the meantime, I'll just tell you that Cyndi Lauper performed the song "Goonies" and it was incredible!

Is It Friday Yet?

This is shaping up to be one hell of a week and when I use the word "hell" I mean insanely busy.

Tonight I'm going to Cyndi Lauper's True Colors show. Cyndi, and a ton of other acts including Deborah Harry and Erasure, are playing at Radio City Music Hall, which should be a fun place to see a concert. The only other time I've been there was for the Christmas Craptacular.

Tomorrow, I'll be trucking my fat ass over to the Javits Convention Center (my least favorite place to go in NYC) for a trade show (my least favorite aspect of my job). After spending the day there I'm off to Bubba Gum's Shrimp something in Times Square for a party being thrown by Paramount. Talk about cheap, doesn't Paramount own that restaurant?

On Wednesday, I have a meeting with the producers, including Gelman, of Live With Regis & Kelly to discuss a toy segment we are producing for Thursday's show. I'm also meeting with Disney that day to check out their latest video games. Then Thursday its back to the Live studios for the actual show after which, I'll head back to my office to try and get everything I didn't do during the week done. Thursday night I plan to get good and drunk then sleep it off most of Friday.

PS. I should include here, for anyone that doesn't know, I'm very lazy and would rather hang out at home with a 6-pack than do just about anything else.

Where The People Are

I've never been a big fan of crowds. I hate crowded bars, never go to see a movie on opening night (not that I go to the theater much at all), shop at odd hours to avoid the consuming masses and frequently walk in the street to get around the slow, sluggish cattle. At the same time, I like feeling as if I'm taking part in whats going on around me. Which is why living on a busy street allows me the best of both worlds - I can avoid crowds but keep an eye on what's happening down on the street.

Yesterday I enjoyed the annual 7th Avenue street fair that takes place every year in Park Slope. There were all sorts of vendors, hawking everything from cell phone accessories to spicy kielbasas. Occasionally a marching band would make its way through the crowd and there was even rock and or roll music coming from somewhere, which I think means there was a band performing. Unfortunately, I couldn't see the direction the music was coming from because the building next to my apartment blocks the view of 7th avenue to the south of my window. Yes that's right, I took in the street fair from the crowdless comfort of my apartment.

I know this makes me sound like a shut-in but the only way I would have ventured out the door and into that street fair was if I spotted a beer vendor from my window. As far as I know, strolling the streets with a beer in the hand is illegal, unless its in a bag, which Seth refers to as a wino's right. As far as I'm concerned, the winos can keep there bags and I'll remain crowdlessly comfortable drinking at home.

The Finale We Have All Been Waiting For

**UPDATE**
The final episode just finished and it was Priceless. For me the best moment was seeing Dean from Canada fall as he ran down the isle. If you missed it, CBS is replaying today's final show tonight at 8.


While most of the internets were anxiously waiting for last week's Sopranos finale, today is the series ender that I've been buzzing about all year. The final episode of The Price Is Right with Bob Barker airs this morning at 11:00.

Its hard to believe that this show has been running since before I was born. Just think of all the other programs that have come and gone since then. Shows like M.A.S.K., Good Times, Droids The Adventures of R2-D2 and C3P0: , The Great Space Coaster, Mama's Family, Tales from the Crypt, Challenge of the Gobots, Dynasty, Mr. Belvedere, Airwolf, Thundar the Barbarian, Wings, Strangers With Candy, Boy Meets World, Twin Peaks, Dawson's Creek, Beverly Hills 90210, Two Guys and a Girl, Blossom, Baywatch, The Osbournes, The Michael Richards Show, That's My Bush and the Golden Girls.

There may have been a few others that I missed but that's a lot of TV.

For everyone who didn't plan ahead for today and take the day off, Clinton will be live blogging (whatever that means) today's final episode over at Zombie Fights Shark.

S.H.I.T. ...

So Happy Its Thursday!

Here's a collection of random thoughts (read between the lines, I'm too hungover to manage anything more cohesive).

My favorite Wednesday night watering hole was crowded last night. That's the first and hopefully last, time I've ever seen it so full. Those of us that arrived early and made the mistake of grabbing a few extra chairs for the late arrivals, spent entirely too much time and energy defending those empty seats. Some at my table blamed me for the crowd stating that I had talked about said bar too many times here on pop-o-matic. While I'd love (and plan) to think that I had that sort of influence, the fact remains that it was too crowded.

Dear Painfully Loud Woman On the Train This Morning,
No one, including the poor sap you were riding with, wants to hear you gabbing about your job with a literary agent. If you had taken the time to dislodge your head from your own ass, you would have noticed the gradual and consistent tide of people retreating from your general vicinity.


Dear Person With Horrible Gas On the Train This Morning,
I'd like to assume you were the same person as I mentioned above but that's only because I hat the person mentioned above. Please, for the sake of everyone else forced to share a commute with you, get yourself to a doctor and have that problem looked into. It was apparent to most, but you I guess, that something is not right with your innards.


Dear Me,
Finishing all the floater limoncellos on the table is not a good idea. You had one of your own and should have left it at that.

Super Happy Terrific Products

I could start a new section on this blog that just covers insane USB devices and never run out of products to cover. The latest, and possibly craziest, USB device I have come across lately is the USB Butt Cooler from Japanese (big surprise) company, Thanko.

Apparently it is a pad that sits on your chair and gives off cool air. Of course the whole thing is powered by your computer through a standard USB hook-up. So say good buy to summer office swamp crotch and thank you to Thanko for the USB Butt Cooler.

The pop-o-matic Bar Report

You know you are at a swanky joint when the coasters on the bar are crisp, white, hand-stitched cloth squares rather than the usual soggy cardboard circles with adds printed on them. I'm still not entirely sure why we were doing happy hour at The Star Bar in The Ritz-Carlton on Central Park South last night but I generally go where I'm told so there I was.

Despite this current location for the Ritz-Carlton being just a few years old, the hotel and bar have the feeling of old world New York with luxoriuos fabrics, rich woods and more marble than a Roman bath-house. With furniture and accessories that look like they may have once belonged in a Czar's palace, the place is gaudy but not too much.

I imagine that on nights where the crew I was with aren't there it's a quiet and stuffy setting but we managed to have a great time basking in the opulence and enjoying the talents of famed bartender, Norman Bukofzer. You aren't getting out of a place with a "famed" bartender cheaply, which is why this is the perfect spot to bring your parents from out of town when they visit you in New York.

Something Going Around

I started experiencing the symptoms last week and thought I kicked this bug over the weekend. Now its Monday and I have a full blown case of busy bee syndrome. What really sucks, I just looked at my calender and I think I'm going to be stuck with this horrible wave of workingitus for the next two weeks!

Summer is supposed to be laid back, leave early, do little season, so what gives? For the first time in my life I think I may actually mean it when I say "I need a vacation".

Weekend To Do List

On Saturday afternoon, I told Seth I didn't want to get completely trashed that night because I had a long to do list for Sunday and knew I wouldn't do any of it if I was too hungover. Well, apparently Seth didn't get the hidden message in that request, that he was supposed to keep me from getting trashed, and I proceeded to get good and drunk. To be fair, that was really an unavoidable outcome as we were at Jenni B.'s going away party thrown by her sister. The party was held at Jenni B.'s sister's and partner's house in Park Slope just a few blocks down the road from my apartment. That meant, I wouldn't have to deal with a taxi or subway when it was time to stumble home, which only added to the drinking with abandon. Another factor was that the party was catered with multiple bars set up both indoors and out.

Of course, I was too hungover to accomplish anything on my list yesterday but it was worth it considering how much fun we had Saturday night. One thing I did accomplish yesterday was discovering a new favorite TV show called Ninja Warrior on G4. This Japanese game/survival show takes 100 men and 100 women and puts them through a grueling obstacle course with the ultimate goal of being named Ninja Warrior. Its sort if like MXE without the comedy and much more difficult.

Beats & Treats

Speaking of how drunk I got last night (see earlier post) ... Seth and I headed downtown (is it still called downtown if we traveled there from Brooklyn, which is technically even farther down?) to the Cake Shop to see fellow blogger, Lioux, and his band Sister Kisser perform.

The show was great and both Seth & I were blown away by how much we liked Sister Kisser. The Cake Shop, a little place on the lower east side, is actually a bakery/coffee shop on the ground floor with a basement where the bar and stage are located. After the show we met Lioux, who also introduced Seth & I to Colleen of Cokane's bloggery. It was great to finally meet both Lioux and Colleen in person and throw back a few drinks together. On our way out, Seth bought some cupcakes, one of which is sitting in the kitchen right now looking delicious. Seth ate the Chocolate Iced Chocolate cupcake during the cab ride home and described it as "fucking awesome" and "superb". He is talking about going back just for a cupcake.

As usual, we capped off our night with a few more 6-packs back at the apartment and we are both feeling it today. The last thing I wanted to deal with this morning was a surprise visit from my landlord with some lady and a camera informing me that the building is being sold and this lady needs to photograph my apartment. Great! Anyone know of an available apartment?

Political Diatribe #1

***********************************
UPDATE! Since first publishing the below post, Paris Hilton has been ordered to return to jail! I'd like to think this post had something to do with that so please just let me keep believing that.
*************************************


If you have read this blog from time to time you've probably noticed that I rarely discuss politics, the "news" or celebrity gossip. My stance on these topics is that there are entirely too many outlets vomiting up that information so there is no need for me to regurgitate what you already know or can easily read on E, cnn or the Wall Street Journal.

That's why it pains me to type this post. My conscience and too much beer has the better of me at the moment and I must tell you how fucking* pissed off I am about P. Hilton being released from jail after serving just two days of her sentence.

Let me start by saying, I have nothing against Paris Hilton. I publicly admit that I enjoy 'The Simple Life' and even have her song from last summer on my iPod (what can I say, I like crap pop music). What pisses me off about this whole debacle, is that it proves the American legal system is a complete bullshit farce where those with money and power can do whatever they want and get away with it.

Lets imagine for a moment that you, assuming you are like me and not a billionaire celebrity, get arrested for drunk driving. here is what will happen, you will lose your license, get hit with a fee and spend several months worth of time in Wednesday evening classes with your fellow unlucky ripped roadsters. Now, heaven forbid during the time you should be in "class" you get picked up by the cops for driving with a suspended license. Guess what? You are fucked! You are going to jail for the maximum time allotted, not some bullshit two week stint with "special needs" privileges. and once you get there, you are in! No one is going to let YOU out after two days because you are having medical problems can't handle it.

So why did Paris get preferential treatment from the United States government? Because her family has power and oodles of money!

During the Civil War, the draft was enacted under the title, "the Enrollment Act". This act contained several paragraphs of small print exemptions, which allowed any man who was drafted to buy his way out of service if he could pay the "commutation fee" of $300.00 (a huge sum back then).

Eventually this insane and entirely prejudicial law led to the Draft Riots in New York City. Angry mobs of poor people who would never come close to raising that kind of money went on a destructive rampage, taking out their rage and frustration on the city's black citizens. As the angry mob made its way uptown towards the mansions of 5th Avenue, the army was called in, fresh from the battle at Gettysburg, to put the riot down.

I'm not saying that everyone who isn't a hotel heiress should rebel and riot against the government. But how can a country that we were all raised to believe was founded on equality and freedom allow its officers and law keepers to exhibit such blatant preferential treatment? What sort of example does this latest miscarriage of justice set for the rest of us? Why don't we all start breaking laws and cite the case of Paris Hilton vs. The Legal System of the United States of America as our defense?

Ok, I'm off my soap box and promise to return to my usual format of post that deal with how drunk I was last night.


*This is the first time in the history of my blog that I have typed the word "fuck".

Thundercats Are Loose!

Warner Bros. has optioned a script to turn the Thundercats into a CGI-animated feature.

I'm a little nervous about the animated aspect of this movie. Hopefully it will be more Manga style than Pixar. In any event, I'm looking forward to new adventures with Lion-O, Cheetara, Mumm-Ra, Ratar-O and even the twins (Wylie-Cat and Kit). Hopefully the new millenium edition will have Snarf die a tragic death on Thundera when it is destroyed. Its too bad they aren't doing a live-action film because Ving Rhames would make an excellent Panthro.

Outside Its Wednesday, Inside Its Thursday

Unfortunately, tomorrow this morning is another one of those days that somedickbody expects me to do work first thing in the morning. What sort of a person schedules a meeting for 9:00am?

With that in mind, I decided to write this post last night so I wouldn't leave the 5s of people that read this blog hanging. Of course, this presents me with an interesting dilemma - what if something remarkable happens after I publish this post.

Right now (Wednesday night) I'm just sitting at home drinking a few beers and watching the Golden Girls, speaking of which, was Rose suffering from dementia? She gives ding-bats a run for their money and I find it hard to believe that she wasn't touched in the head. Anyway, suppose after publishing this and polishing off a few more beers a mysterious stranger shows up at my door and hands me a pack of cigarettes with a USB drive containing the details of a sinister agency's plans to take-over the Madison Square Park Shake Shack so that they can administer a toxin in the hot dogs that will cause any New Yorkers who eat the dogs to go crazy and run amok through the Home Depot on 23rd street.

It would be my civic duty to take those plans to the proper authority. By the time I figured out who the proper authority was, where that authority's office was located, changed into something appropriate for high-stakes intrigue and espionage, traveled to that office, handed over the plans, answered repeated stupid questions as to how the plans came into my possesion, and finally returned home, I would barley have time for a quick nap and shower before having to head to that stupid meeting at 9:00 am.

The point of all this is, I would have experienced one of the most exciting adventures of my life but you would all be reading this long-winded claptrap assuming that my night consisted of a few beers, some old ladies on TV and then bed. So just to cover my bases, I'm going to publish tonight last night and refuse to answer my door.

Surfs Not Up, Dude!

I was walking down 6th avenue around 11:30 this morning when I happened upon a group of guys carrying surf boards on 42nd street. Judging by the proximity to Bryant Park, I'm assuming this has something to do with a new Xtreeme sport, where the members scour the city looking for the perfect wave in a fountain.

We Interupt Your Regularly Schedule Post With The Following

I usually like to have my first weekday post up by 10am. There are of course, occasions when that doesn't happen. I may be too hungover to turn on my computer and choose to stare at the suithing blank screen for a while, perhaps I've overslept and just didn't make it to work earlier enough to meet my self-imposed deadline, or its highly possible that I'm stuck indside a train on the Manhattan bridge as it waits for the train ahead of this one, which is sitting at the Canal street station while the EMTs medivac the "sick" (ie, diet-crazed woman who fainted because she hasn't eaten in four days) pasenger to safety. Then their are those days where work rears its ugly head and someone expects me to actually do something before 11am, which is the time I normally feel up to the challenges of duty.

If you are reading this message right now, that can only mean that I am having one of the above scenarios acted out upon my morning. I'll let you decide which one is the case and feel free to let me know which scenario you think I am experiencing in the comments section. In any event, I promise to atone for my tardiness with a worthwhile posting soon. Until then, I hope your morning is going as regularly scheduled.

PS. Please note, I didn't have time to spell chack this. Can you spot the mispelled words?

Something That Peeves Me

When a person walks into an establishment that requires them to order something over a counter (i.e. deli, bodega, food cart, concession stand, fast food joint, etc.) and they begin the order with the words "Let me get".

Bizarro Weekend

After the previous weekend's Memorial 5 day river-fest drunkorama, which was then punctuated by Thursday's blogger booze-fest, I had a relatively quiet and sober weekend. Of course, I still managed to tie one on Friday night, which was really surprising considering how hungover I was when I woke up that day.

Saturday was a slightly different story though. This was the first weekend that both Seth & I have been in town in a long time. Since many of our friends were out of town, we decided to not make any plans, stick around home and take care of some overdue business such as pay bills, put in the a/c units, a little Spring cleaning, etc, etc ( I know dull). On Saturday night we had a couple (literally) cocktails and rented the film, 'Epic Movie'. If you are anything like us and enjoy mindless entertainment, potty humor, and fart jokes then you might enjoy this flick.

I was up bright and early Sunday and immediately noticed the complete lack of the standard Sunday symptoms i.e. headache, nausea, exhaustion, mysterious bruises, and surprise over night guests on the fold-out. I did something I rarely do on Sunday and took a shower then headed out to run some errands. Later that day I began sorting items for the upcoming stoop sale we are having with Kitty and her husband. I'll keep you posted on that.

All in all, it was a relaxing, enjoying and energizing weekend, which was exactly what I needed because this week is already shaping up to be another booze-tastic endeavor.

Blog Writers Of The World Unite And Take Over

Most people assume that the life of a blogger is a glamorous existence of premiers, parties and beautiful people. And you know what? Its true! Last night at my first Blogger Summit (that just sounds so much better than happy hour, plus now I'm sure I can use my bar tab as a tax deduction) I got to put faces to my favorite blogs. I then proceeded to drink so much that I forgot what those faces look like. So Midwesterner, you can keep writing "This Is Not Me" and I will be just as duped as everyone who has never actually seen you.

I'd like to say the following to everyone who was there last night:

I hope you had as much fun as I did.

When are we doing it again?

What was the deal with the waitresses shushing us?

If I said anything to offend you in the hour leading up to my departure you can rest assured that I don't remember saying it and lets just leave it at that.

pop-o-matic Bar Report

Occasionally here on pop-o-matic, I like to share my ideas of a good bar for you to whet your whistle at. But why should anyone bother listening to my opinions and take my bar reviews into account when choosing a bar to visit? Where do I get off suggesting a place that you may or may not enjoy?

Well I'll tell you my friend.

The fact is I have spent a lot of time visiting bars, saloons, taverns and pubs. I've been in front of the bar, on top of a bar and behind the bar. When I say behind the bar, I don't just mean sticking my head under a tap when the bar keep wasn't watching but rather, I tended bar during college.

Throughout my years frequenting bars I developed the following list of requirements and considerations, which I employ when evaluating a drinking establishment. If a place can provide most of my list then I then pass that info on to you in the form of a half-assed review here on pop-o-matic.

1. The establishment must serve booze! Before you leave this page in disgust over what seems like such an obvious requirement that the rest of this list will probably suck, let me explain. I don't know about you, but I can't claim to have visited every bar in the world. Its a big world and I'm sure there are some places where the people may define an establishment, such as a coffee house, as a bar. I imagine in other parts of the world, perhaps Utah, there are even bars that serve nothing buy soft drinks. Rest assured, if I ever find myself in one of these frightening locations, you will not read about it in the pop-o-matic Bar Report.

2. Does the libation location poses ample seating or at least enough room to claim an area with plenty of leaning options while not getting bounced about by crowds. I'll admit it, I'm lazy. I like to sit while I drink. If I can't sit, I at least want to be able to lean on something or put my foot up on the rung of somebodies chair, as long as that somebody is part of my party. If I have to stand around without support of any kind, you can bet I won't be staying for more than two beers.

3. What does the bar look like? I can have fun at any drinking establishment from the diveiest hole in the wall to the latest Schragar hotel lobby concept but there better be something for me to look at. I don't care if the drinking room has a collection of dust that began settling before prohibition or a diving tank mounted behind the bar with people in mermaid costumes swimming under water, there better be something interesting about the bar's decor.

4. Aside from me and my drunken friends, what sort of entertainment does the place provide? Juke-boxes are ideal, especially if it's like the one at Yogi's on the Upper West Side. Bands are great, TVs are nice, and even the bartender's iPod plugged into the speaker system will do. There just has to be some sort of background noise other than the people in the bar.

5. What's the crowd like? I certainly wouldn't want to limit my going out experiences to places that strictly serve a clientele of me clones. However, I would no sooner willingly enter a bar full of neo-Nazis as I would a bar packed with bankers. I like a good mix of people who are all out with the same goal - to have a good time without interfering in anyone elses good time. I rarely, if ever, strike up a conversation with strangers but some of the best times I've had in bars have been when when my group ends up hanging out with another fun group or person at the bar.

Now that you know my criteria, I'd like to introduce a new section of the pop-o-matic Bar Report, where I will tell you about a bar you should never go to. This was actually Jenni B's idea and it was born after a particularly terrible happy hour last week.

The bar is the Bryant Park Cafe located in Bryant Park. Yes, the establishment serves booze but that's about all it has to offer of my requirements. This place was packed to the gills last Tuesday, which resulted in a complete lack of seating or leaning, unless you include being propped up by the crowd as leaning (I don't). If there was music I couldn't hear it over the crowd and that's where the bar received it's biggest strike in my book. There seemed to be two main factions of people here - giudos and Wall St. types. In all my years of public drinking, I've never experienced an odder dichotomy of people or larger gap between myself and the rest of the crowd.

So for all these reasons and more, I have to advise you to steer clear of the Bryant Park Cafe.

I Like A Short Week

I'm finally back after an extra long holiday weekend. As I mentioned last week, Seth & I spent the weekend down south on the Potomac river. Aside from all that clean air reeking havoc with my allergies, we had a blast. Now that we are back, I need to take a vacation from booze for a while, well at least until the weekend.

I hope everyone had as much fun as we did over the weekend. Now that Memorial day has come don't forget the start of white pants season has arrived so wear them if you got them!

I'll fill you in on drunken weekend stories as I remember them. In the meantime, after playing hooky for the past few days, I've got a lot of work waiting for me on my desk, including this giant box from Hasbro's PR firm. The box is filled with the full set of Transformers products for the upcoming movie and I have a lot of transforming to get to work on.

Everybody's Working For the Weekend

Hey Gang,

I'm sneaking out of town for the weekend early. Seth and I are heading to the fascist state of Virginia to spend the weekend with his family who live on the coast of the Potomac river. I imagine we will be drunk and on a boat for most of the weekend so I don't know if I'll be blogging again until we return to civilization.

Until then, here's another picture from last Saturday, that I find very entertaining. Enjoy the picture and have a wonderful long weekend!

Fulton Mall hair haiku challenge

As most of my friends know, I love a good haiku. Well today, Colleen of cokane's bloggery, is running a haiku challenge. Check it out at the following:

cokane's bloggery: Fulton Mall hair haiku challenge

Funniest Headline of the Day

Not really a headline but I saw a bumper sticker on a car this morning that read:

"Clinton ruined a dress, Bush ruined a nation"

Super Happy Terrific Products

Finally! The perfect gift for my smoking friends who have expressed an interest in quitting.


This jacket (pictured above) is actually an art project created by Fiona Carswell. The jacket contains an area that smokers can breathe their smoke directly into rather than exhaling into someones face or apartment (cough, cough, Jen & Kelly). The smoke then filters through the jacket into a pair of see-through lung images that immediately turn red and then gradually blacken over time.

It's May 23rd! Do You Know What That Means?

That's right, its Fleet Week!


This is the annual week when the US Navy drops its anchor in our harbor and the men and women come ashore in their cute Popeye uniforms looking for tattoos and hookers. So if you see a confused seamen, seawomen, or seamonkey wandering around, stop and ask if they need a hand.

Happy Birthday!

Celebrating their birthdays today are Pop-O-Matic's Rock-O-Matic contributor - Josh, the always ready to rock - Rita and rock's brooding bad boy - Morrissey! I'm going to assume they are celebrating together even though Josh is in LA, I'll be seeing Rita tonight in NYC and who knows where Morrissey is.

I Like Art

If you are a regular reader of the blog, Zombie Fights Shark, you are probably familiar with the Friday afternoon post titled "Oooh Pretty", where an image of something, you guessed it, pretty is posted. Last week's Oooh Pretty was a picture of some shiny art thing on the streets of Chicago to which I commented that I wish NYC had more shiny art things laying about town. Well it seems as if the city's art gnomes read my comment and granted my wish with the following sculpture in Madison Square Park.



Ok, I know these sculptures have been there for a few weeks now but its still fun to delude myself and claim to have some sort of influence over the art world. In fact, each summer Madison Square park hosts an exhibit of large outdoor art. Last year there were concrete pillars, which I thought were just the foundations for the actual installation but as summer progressed and nothing was ever added to the pillars I realized they were the art. The summer before last, there were giant mounds that I'm fairly certain were petrified dinosaur terds.

Madison Square Park is the perfect outdoor setting for these exhibits. Its small with lots of walkways and more people que-up in line for the Shake Shack than all the city's museums combined. So the next time you find yourself waiting over an hour for a hot dog, remember to look up and enjoy the art.

So Just How Crazy Did Things Get on Saturday

In my earlier post, I mention a wild weekend. Well here are some pictures to show you what my idea of a wild night looks like.

Nothing says drunk like late night bodega beer runs in wigs and costumes. Here Kelly and Seth pay for our purchases.


Jen and I on the streets of Park Slope.

Life Lessons

I started this day feeling kind of lousy and in a bit of a funk. As usual, I drank entirely too much on Saturday beginning at brunch and not stopping until some point late that night or early Sunday morning. As a result, I was too hungover yesterday to even make it off the couch and missed out on enjoying a beautiful day. This morning, I woke up still feeling the after results of the weekend binge and turned on NY1 on time to see their coverage of yesterday's Aids Walk. Great! While I was too hungover to even pour myself a soda yesterday, thousands of do-gooders were out volunteering for a worthy cause and doing something healthy at the same time.

By the time I got to work I wasn't even in the mood to blog so I decided to do a little reading instead and happened upon something titled. "10 simple ways to save yourself from messing up your life" posted on lifehack.org.
It was as if this article had been written just for me and after reading the first few simple steps, I was already in better spirits and ready to face the day.

Below are a few of the steps that I especially liked. You can read the entire list at the link above:

Stop taking so much notice of how you feel.
How you feel is how you feel. It’ll pass soon. What you’re thinking is what you’re thinking. It’ll go too. Tell yourself that whatever you feel, you feel; whatever you think, you think. Since you can’t stop yourself thinking, or prevent emotions from arising in your mind, it makes no sense to be proud or ashamed of either. You didn’t cause them. Only your actions are directly under your control. They’re the only proper cause of pleasure or shame.

Ease up on the internal life commentary.
If you want to be happy, stop telling yourself you’re miserable. People are always telling themselves how they feel, what they’re thinking, what others feel about them, what this or that event really means. Most of it’s imagination. The rest is equal parts lies and misunderstandings. You have only the most limited understanding of what others feel about you. Usually they’re no better informed on the subject; and they care about it far less than you do. You have no way of knowing what this or that event really means. Whatever you tell yourself will be make-believe.

Take no notice of your inner critic.
Judging yourself is pointless. Judging others is half-witted. Whatever you achieve, someone else will always do better. However bad you are, others are worse. Since you can tell neither what’s best nor what’s worst, how can you place yourself correctly between them? Judging others is foolish since you cannot know all the facts, cannot create a reliable or objective scale, have no means of knowing whether your criteria match anyone else’s, and cannot have more than a limited and extremely partial view of the other person. Who cares about your opinion anyway?

Give up on feeling guilty.
Guilt changes nothing. It may make you feel you’re accepting responsibility, but it can’t produce anything new in your life. If you feel guilty about something you’ve done, either do something to put it right or accept you screwed up and try not to do so again. Then let it go. If you’re feeling guilty about what someone else did, see a psychiatrist. That’s insane.

Your Man On The Inside

Fact: A lot of my friends and readers don't live in New York City.
Fact: Lots of TV shows and movies use New York City as both a backdrop and often a character. Therefore I've decide to start a new post, "Your Man On The Inside", where I will dispel the rumors that Hollywood would have you believe about New York City.

Item #2: Crime Dramas on both television and in the movies would have you believe that New York City is literally bisected and disected by alleys. Hollywood often portrays theses alleys as havens for hobos warming their hands or baking their beans over garbage can fires, escape routes for crooks during hi-speed chases, the perfect spot to score and shoot crack, concert halls for crooning cats, and long maze-like halls that end at tall wooden fences.

The truth is there are little to no alleys like those mentioned above in NYC. While these places may exist in Queens or the Bronx, real estate in Manhattan is so valuable and scarce that no space, no matter how small, is overlooked.

A Man Of My Word

Some of you may recall that yesterday I was singing the praises of responsible drinking (much to the chagrin of my soused supporters). In said post, I also promised to atone for my night of responsibility with many evenings of irresponsible imbibing. Well I'm pleased to announce that I lived up to that promise last night!

Let me recount the portions of the past 14 hours that I can clearly recall. I met Seth for dinner at 6:30... I woke up in bed this morning. Just kidding. I actually remember the entire evening from my first cocktail to my second nightcap. After dinner, Seth and I made our way to the Knitting Factory for Kiki & Herb, where we met up with Seth's friends Aaron and Julie.

For those of you who have never witnessed the awesomeness that is Kiki & Herb, they are a lounge-style musical duo played by two guys whose names I can't remember at the moment. Herb plays the piano and occasionally sings while Kiki belts out the hits, does some fascinating dance steps and polishes of a bottle of Canadian Club. Last night's one-night-only performance was filmed for their upcoming DVD, which we will likely hear Seth and Julie shouting on. Words can't do this act justice, which is why I shot the following video for you. Enjoy!

Whatever Happened to The Dancing Baby

I know this has been everywhere already but some friends I was with last night hadn't seen it yet and it still makes me laugh (yes, I'm evil) so here it is again.

UPDATE: There is now a great parody of this video floating around the internets. Check it out at You Tube

Responsible Drinking Wednesdays

I'm proud(?) to report that last Wednesday's responsible drinking happy hour wasn't just a fluke. Last night I joined Seth, Cyndi, Kelly, Adam, and Jen down on the Farm for happy hour. Between the group, we had some great beers, wonderful wine, delicious cocktails, and amazing food all of which, complimented the lively conversation among good friends. Who would have guessed that my friends and I could have so much fun without getting shit-faced? This is new territory for me.

Fear not fellow booze hounds, winos, and beer sluts because I'm not going soft. Like last week, I will more than make up for one night of responsible drinking with four completely irresponsible evenings. In fact, tonight should prove to be a good old fashioned liquor appreciation fest as Seth & I have tickets for Kiki & Herb at the Knitting Factory. Check back tomorrow for a full recap at some point in the day depending on my hangover.

The Most Important Film You Have Never Seen

A long time ago (the 90's I think), in a galaxy far far away (West Chester, PA), a group of energetic young people, high on life, booze and rubber cement, joined together to form HiFive Productions. This talented group would go on to make an epic short film titled 'Bango'!

The film became an instant sensation among everyone lucky enough to view it at one of the many exclusive showings. Bango-mania swept the land and fans instantly began clamoring for more. Unfortunately the film's makers moved on to solo projects and divergent paths but the dream of reuniting to create 'Bango Two' was never far from their minds.

Several years ago, the emails and coffee shops were all a buzz that the sequel was finally in the works when the following teaser appeared.



To date, Bango Two, has yet to be made but all original members of HiFive Productions were recently spotted together in West Chester, PA. We can only hope and launch a petition that Bango Two is finally in the works.

Weekend Wedding Recap!

With all the weddings I've been to over the past year (I've lost count at the moment), I feel like attending weddings is my new hobby. Fortunately, this new hobby goes well with my favorite past time - drinking various beers, wine, and cocktails. I've actually gotten spoiled with all the open bar events I've been to over the past few months.

This past weekend was my cousin Barbara's wedding. This was the first wedding to take place in my family's hometown area of Philly. As usual, we had a blast and I always enjoy any chance to party with my family. I'm fortunate to have a fun family who all enjoy drinking as much (some even more) than me. I guess it's proof that the grape doesn't fall far from the vine.

Congratulations Barbara and Jim!

Your Man On The Inside

Fact: A majority of my friends and readers don't live in New York City.
Fact: Lots of TV shows and movies use New York City as both a backdrop and often a character. Therefore I've decide to start a new post, "Your Man On The Inside", where I will dispel the rumors that Hollywood would have you believe about New York City.

Item #1: If you had watched a recent episode of 'Ugly Betty' you might believe that "The Middle Ages" theme restaurant exists in the heart of Times Square. I have to admit, I avoid Times Square like the plague but if this theme restaurant exists, its new to me. The closest thing to a middle ages theme restaurant in Times Square that I'm aware of would have to be the ESPN Zone. With two giant shishkebob skewers flanking the doorway and MoCap Boxing events inside, this place is just as barbaric as a pack of Huns. So please, non-New Yorkers, don't plan your next vacation to New York City with hopes of taking in a staged joust and eating mutton chops because it doesn't exist, at least not outside of Staten Island.

Super Happy Terrific Products

I blogged about this on one of the sites I write for and had to share with all of you in case you haven't seen it yet.

It's a Darth Vader phone! When it rings, it plays Vader's Imperial March, which, for some reason is always stuck in my head when I walk down the street. Apparently Darth's head turns back and forth while the phone rings.

I know, I know - nerd alert! But I love goofy crap like this!

The Morning After

Unfortunately I had no qualified applicants toss their names into the hat for the position of my unpaid intern biographer. In fact, the closest applicant was Adam's suggestion of a monkey stenographer but all the monkey stenographers I spoke to were looking for room and board as payment for their stenographic talents.

It is highly likely that someone showed up at the Farm last night to apply for the job in person, however, rather than propping up my usual corner, which I said I would be doing, we decided to sit outback in the garden so said applicants wouldn't have known where to find me.

With yesterday's likely missed connection in mind and owing to that fact that my apartment isn't large enough for two "adults", two insane cats AND a monkey, who may or may not have a drinking problem, I had to go with option #1 and drink responsibly (just writing those words makes me shudder).

Here's the real kick in the pants - it was fun! I had several pints of beer rather than the ridiculous amount of vodka I usually tend towards, a lovely meal as opposed to simply considering the limes that garnish my drink dinner, and we topped the evening off with home made limoncellos instead of my usual "just one more" that turns into five.

I was home at a decent hour and feel great today! I think I may have inadvertently stumbled upon the perfect Wednesday happy hour. Although, I'm sure I'll drink more than enough this weekend to make up for last night's responsible imbibing, especially considering I'll be hanging with my family at a wedding, I'm already looking forward to next week's responsible Wednesday. Unless of course I find that intern then it's business as usual.

My New Profile Pic.

I figured with today's summer-like weather it was time for a profile picture to match the season. This latest picture is mii playing tennis.

Amazing Stories

I was thinking last night that I should use this blog for telling more stories. I feel like I have traveled to a number of faraway places, seen and done some unique things and even met many interesting people. While thinking back on these adventures and outings, it occurred to me that a majority of my stories involve everyone having a lot to drink and me subsequently not recalling exactly how most of the stories end.

I decided that I needed to change something in order to ensure recalling my future exploits and journeys. At first I thought giving up drinking would be a good idea but then where would I go and who would join me? I'm not even sure what options there are in this city that don't involve drinking. I'm assuming the library doesn't have a bar but I can't really socialize with friends there because of the silence thing. The movies are alcohol free (which is why I never go without my flask) but
I can't handle going to a movie theater more than a few times a year. I suppose there is always uh, well, er, I can't think of anything else to do that doesn't involve drinking.

So then I thought I should just become one of those people that doesn't drink but still enjoys hanging out with their friends who do drink. I think in the suburbs they call these people "designated drivers" or "recovered alcoholics". But if I were to stay sober while all my friends got tanked, I'd just be exploiting my friends drunkenness for the sake of my blog and I could never do that to my friends.

Obviously neither of the above options are going to work so I've come up with two alternatives, which I plan to test the next time I'm out with friends. Alternative #1 is to pace myself and master the art of the pleasant buzz. Alternative #2 is to hire an official biographer to accompany me whenever I leave the apartment or have friends over. Unfortunately, I'm not really in the position to pay this person so it will have to be more of an unpaid internship rather than a paying job but I think the rewards will be worth it.

As luck would have it, I have happy hour plans this evening so I'll be able to test out one of my two alternatives. Please email me or post a comment if you are interested in the internship position or just show up at the Flatbush Farm around 5:30 and look for me at the end of the bar by the door. If I don't get any emails from interested parties and no one shows up at the bar, I'll have to try to try alternative #1.

In any event, check back tomorrow because I'll be able to give you a full recounting of the evening either through buzzed first hand account or biographer's second hand retelling.

Fear The Future

One day last week while working from home, I made the mistake of running a few errands on 7th Avenue in Park Slope at the same time the local schools were letting out. If Whitney Houston is correct and the children are the future, we are all in a lot of trouble. I have never seen so many fat, sluggish, foul-mouthed, street urchins in one place and those were probably the honor role kids. I don't mean to sound like an old curmudgeon who complains all day and thinks the current generation are a bunch of slackers. I'm sure when I was in grade school I never made some older person feel that the future was in good hands. But these kids, who looked to be in their mid thirties, were coming out of what I think is a junior high school and were a frightening lot to behold.

Brooklyn Bound

After yesterday's Verizon snafu, which still hasn't been corrected - I'm working from home this morning then running into Manhattan for a meeting then home again where we have Internet - I can finally tell you about my weekend. Friday is a little hazy but on Saturday, I joined Jen and Kitty for a Brooklyn expedition. Fellow Park Sloper, Kitty, and I met Jen on Smith Street in what I think is Boerum Hill. We then took a leisurely stroll through historic Brooklyn Heights on our way to the waterfront.


We walked along the waterfront and through the streets leading up to the Brooklyn Bridge.


Then explored the streets of DUMBO ...



.. and then made our way to the Manhattan Bridge.


Once we reached the Manhattan we decided it was time for a beverage and headed to Superfine for a quick drink.


We would have stayed a while at Superfine but it was time to head to our ultimate destination of the day - Trout in Boerum Hill (I think that's where the bar is located). Not that my friends and I ever need an excuse to drink but seeing as how it was May 5th or "Cinco de Mayo" as they call it south of the border, we figured it was the perfect excuse to drink. I really got into the spirit of the day by drinking Corona. At some point, Kelly and Seth joined us at Trout and we all proceeded to get pleasantly drunk.


After an undisclosed amount of time, we figured a change of scenery was in order and headed back to Kelly's place where Adam was entertaining people with accents. I never figured out if they were from London or New York. I'm going to assume that by this point in the night, the battery on my camera had died because there are no pictures to document the goings on. Chances are good that we all sat around sipping cordials and brandy and discussing travel, art and world events until Seth, Kitty and I decided it best to politely make our exit and return to Park Slope.

Technical Difficulties

Once again, thanks to the ineptitude of Verizon DSL, we have no interwebs at my office. I was forced to resort to using the telephone in order to communicate with people. What is this, 'Little House on the Prairie'?

For anyone that doesn't know, Verizon DSL is a separate company from Verizon Wireless or other Verizon services. The sole purpose, service and reason for Verizon DSL to exist is to provide DSL Internet connections. Today is the second day in less than a week and sixth time in less than a year that Verizon DSL was unable to deliver DSL service to my office.

Sorry to rant about this it's just very frustrating. So now, I'm back home and can return you to your regularly scheduled pop-o-matic posting (already in progress):

... and that's how I got crabs from Madonna.

Ashamed Of Myself

I can't believe I'm going to publicly admit this but, I'm listening to my old iPod and The Macarena just came on.

WTF

I was strolling through Union Square yesterday when I happened upon this scene. Does anyone know what the hell this is all about?

Rock-o-Matic: Covers

I need a new wallet. I like this wallet. My birthday is May 22nd. I'm just saying.

This week I take a look in my digital collection of covers. Here are some of the worst.

I once owned the vinyl record where Frank Sinatra sang Mrs. Robinson. I played it for friends and delighted them so. It takes whatever meaning the original had, sucks it out and spits it into a martini glass.

Frank Sinatra - Mrs. Robinson

Of all the things that are awful on my iPod, this is one of the worst. And I love David Bowie, so no doubt hearing him and Marianne Faithful plod through this cover of Sonny & Cher's "I Got You Babe" really hurt. The YouTube video puts visuals to this disaster masterpiece.

David Bowie w/ Marianne Faithful - I Got You Babe

Lastly, this is a random download that turned out well. I need to find a used record store that sells recordings of high school choirs from the 1960s and 70s. Comedy gold. This is a cover of the Burt Bacharach hit, recorded by Dionne Warwick.

Torrance High School (1970) - I'll Never Fall In Love Again

-josh

Genius At Work #5

Occasionally I have ideas that I think can make the world a better place to live in. Lacking the manufacturing capabilities to bring my ideas to fruition, they usually go to waste in my mind. So I've decided to post my ideas here in the hopes that some mega corporation will stumble across them and throw bucket loads of cash at me to turn these ideas into reality. Of course, the mega corporations will probably just steal my ideas and screw me but at least I'll have the proof to back up my "hey that was my idea" rantings.

I can't imagine working for a company that forced me to wear a suit every day. I don't mind occasionally wearing one, as long as it isn't July, but I refuse to wear neckties. With that said, however, I have to admit there is one major advantage to wearing suits - it makes getting dressed really easy. All you have to do is pick the suit plus a shirt to match and presto chango! You are ready to go.

When you can wear whatever you want to work, within tasteful limits, choosing what to wear becomes a little more difficult. I'm not trendy or big on fashion but I want to make sure that I leave the apartment every day wearing something that matches and doesn't make me look like a fool. The problem is that's easier said than done.

So here is my latest invention - the Daily Recommending Ensemble Service or DRES. DRES is a web-based application that resides on your desktop like a daily weather widget. You begin customizing DRES by creating categories, such as work, nightlife, restaurant (fancy) restaurant (casual), then enter the UPC number from your clothes into the system (one way to make this process easier would be a USB scanner). Using the UPC number, the DRES will locate your clothing on the interewebs and store a picture with details in your virtual closet.

Whenever you need an outfit, simply open DRES and select a category then DRES will recommend a full ensemble from undies to jacket and everything in between. The beauty of DRES is that it's web-enabled so whatever it suggests will be tailored to the weather forecast for that day.

Other added features include the ensemble memory system which will store your previous ensembles to make sure you don't wear the same thing twice in one week or ever in front of particular people (this could be very handy when dating so that you never wear a repeat outfit). Additionally, your DRES will frequently scan the internets and let you know when clothing items you may be interested in are on sale.

So there's my idea. Now who wants to buy it and produce it (hopefully soon because I'm tired of dressing myself)?

Super Happy Terrific Products

A few months ago I posted about the liquid decanting flip-flops or "booze-flops as I like to call them. Well check out these new additions to the James Bond Summer Fun line - secret compartment flip-flops. Whereas the idea of drinking something that came out of my shoe was both titillating and revolting, these little numbers actually look like a great idea. Just imagine being at the beach and not having to resort to the tip of your sneaker for stashing your valuables (Yes, we all know you put your money, license and keys in your shoe before running into the waves).

Rest Easy

I can only imagine how worried everyone was yesterday by the fact that I didn't post at all. You can call off the search party, stop dragging the lake and cancel the APB. I'm fine. I was doing my civic duty by sitting in a room all day keeping my fingers crossed that I wouldn't get chosen for jury duty.

My morning started a little frenzied since I completely forgot that I had to report for jury duty. It was only while frantically searching for my check book to write this month's rent check that I came across the jury summons that I received a few weeks ago and promptly put out of mind. The reason I was frantically searching for my checkbook was because I forgot today was the first of the month. It was only as I was lying in bed staring at the clock and wondering how many more times I could hit snooze that I noticed my clock also displays the date and today it was showing 5/1. Convinced that the clock was mistaken, I got up to turn on the TV to double check and sure enough, the clock was right. So next came the frantic search and subsequent jury discovery.

I took the fastest shower of my life and was out the door without stopping to google the Brooklyn court house to find out where I was going. The summons was kind enough to tell me which train would put me in the general vicinity of where I was to report but no further directions were given. I found a coffee vendor, which was also very important to find, and he gave me directions to the building I needed to go to. As soon as I made it to the first turning point in his directions, I realized I hadn't paid a bit of attention to anything he told me other than which way to walk once I left his kart. It occurred to me while looking for someone else official looking, like an officer, person wearing some sort of civil identification or another coffee vendor that I have a bad habit of doing that. I'm not one of those guys that refuses to ask for directions, I just don't pay attention when the directions are being relayed.

Eventually, after asking two more people for directions, I made it to the building and room where I would be spending the rest of my day. I actually had a lovely day with a window seat and a good book and when all was said and done, I don't have to worry about jury duty for another six years.